


The Great Pretender

by Ruinwyn



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Canon, Fake/Pretend Relationship, GTOP, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:28:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3935137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruinwyn/pseuds/Ruinwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seunghyun pretends to be Jiyong’s boyfriend.  At least, he thinks he’s pretending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> Canon AU in which all the members live together in the dorm and the author doesn't care nearly as much about the details of the timeline as she normally does lawl.
> 
> The title comes from Freddie Mercury’s cover of the same name, originally performed by The Platters.

 

 

 

Seunghyun could feel himself waking against his will.  He held his eyes shut and tried to fight it off.  The incessant sound of whining filled his ears.  He groaned and turned onto his opposite side, facing the wall and cuddling further down under his covers.

“Wake up!”

There it was again.  _Whining_.  He covered his ears against the high-pitched, nasally sound of it.

“Wake up!” it came again.  Hands curled around Seunghyun’s shoulder and bicep and started rocking him to and fro.  “ _Wake.  Up._ ”

Seunghyun groaned as he was shook.  Fucking Jiyong. 

“Why are you so _loud_?” Seunghyun complained into his pillow.

Jiyong huffed, exasperated.  “Because you won’t _get up_.”  He shook Seunghyun again.  “Come _on_.  We have _Inkigayo_.”

Seunghyun’s eyes blinked open at that.  He rolled over and looked up at Jiyong blearily.  “What time is it?”

“Time for you to _get up_.  We’ll be late if you don’t hurry.”

Seunghyun pulled himself up and rubbed at his eyes.  His brain still felt heavy and fogged with sleep.  He looked over at the clock on his bedside table but couldn’t make any sense of the numbers he saw there.  He stared at the clock, willing the squiggles to reform into numerals.

While he tried to get his faculties in order, Jiyong tsked about this and that, the state of Seunghyun’s room, the mess on the floor.  He planted one hand on his cocked hip and waited impatiently for Seunghyun to roll up out of bed.

Seunghyun did his best to tune out Jiyong’s nagging.  The sound of his voice was only slightly less annoying now that Seunghyun was awake.  He yawned and rubbed his eyes one more time before pulling himself up off the mattress.  He shuffled over to one of the piles Jiyong was bitching about and pulled on the first hoodie he could find.  He didn’t bother changing out of the t-shirt he’d worn to sleep, just slipped the hoodie on over it.

Jiyong scoffed behind him.  “Really?  You wore that same thing _yesterday_.”

Seunghyun gave the hoodie a good sniff, then shrugged.  “Smells okay.”

Jiyong’s put upon sigh trailed off into a chuckle.  He shook his head at Seunghyun, looking at him like he was a puppy, tail wagging happily after he’d just diddled on the carpet, no concept at all of what he’d just done wrong.

“Whatever,” Jiyong said, a fond smile about his lips.  “Will you at least put on some real pants?”

Seunghyun looked down at the scattered clothes carpeting his floor.  He found his favorite pair of jeans peeking out from under his overturned backpack.  Jiyong rolled his eyes as Seunghyun fished them out, then left him alone to finish changing.

Seunghyun was far more awake by the time the stylists had finished with his hair and makeup.  He was sitting by Jiyong on the sofa in their waiting room while Daesung and Youngbae took their turn in the makeup chairs, a tall cup of coffee in his hands.  He had a fresh set of clothes on that Jieun had picked out for him.  Seungri was nowhere to be found, probably out scamming some poor idol girl into giving him her phone number.

He was proved to be more or less right about that when Seungri entered the room a moment later, three dolled up girls trailing in behind him.  They were all pretty and demure, giggling shyly as they shuffled along in their heels.  Seunghyun stood up to greet them, bowing politely, and Jiyong followed suit.

Seungri flashed his pearly whites.  “These ladies really wanted to meet you guys.  I told them I would introduce them.  They’re huge fans of Bigbang.”

The girls smiled and batted their eyes.  One tapped the toe of her shoe against the floor, nervous, and Seunghyun couldn’t help the way the motion drew his eyes, down the lines of her slender calves, to her ankles, to her feet tucked into her heels.  She adjusted her stance, and Seunghyun’s eyes caught on the spike of her heel.  He had to force himself to lift his gaze back up.  Jiyong let out a soft snort.

“I’m GD,” Jiyong introduced.

Seunghyun followed his example, offering up his own stage name.  “Top.” 

The girls shifted excitedly.  One by one, they told them their names.  Seunghyun recognized them as members from some new girl group, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what the group was called.  They certainly knew him, though.  They hovered in front of him like happy little bees around a fresh bloom.  Jiyong seemed amused by it, but Seungri’s smile was rapidly fading at the turn things had taken.  He’d reeled in three girls only to lose all their attention to Seunghyun.

Not that Seungri ever knew when to give up.  “So,” Seungri said, smile back in full force.  “Which Bigbang member is your favorite?”

“Top-oppa!”  The girl on the left didn’t even hesitate.  She blurted out her answer before Seungri could finish his question.

“Yes, Top-oppa,” another girl agreed.  The third girl nodded, a touch too eager, then blushed.

Seunghyun grinned.  He looked down at his feet, shifted his weight from side to side.  You’d think he’d be used to this by now, all the attention, all the _flattery_ , but it never quite managed to sink in, how handsome people thought he was, never managed to overwrite the time he was known as anything but.  Seunghyun ducked his head and smiled his thanks and watched as the girls took their leave again.  His eyes followed the click of their heels against the floor as they made their way out.  Seungri followed after them, calling out to them about whether or not they had SNS.

Jiyong nudged him with his elbow, breaking him out of his reverie.  Seunghyun’s head whipped over to look at him, a light blush on his cheeks from having been caught looking.

“You’re almost as bad as the maknae,” Jiyong laughed.  He said it with that same fond exasperation from that morning. 

Seunghyun grinned and nudged him back.  “Like you have room to talk.  I’ve seen you when it’s someone _you_ like.”

Jiyong didn’t take the bait.  Instead, he lifted one brow in a high arch.  “And did you?  Like those girls?”

“I don’t even _know_ them.  That’s the first time I’ve met any of them.  How could I possibly know if I like one of them?”  When Jiyong’s eyebrow didn’t budge, Seunghyun’s innocent look faded and he laughed at himself.  “I just liked the one’s legs,” he admitted. 

Jiyong rolled his eyes before walking away.  Seunghyun was left feeling like a clueless puppy all over again.

 

 

Seunghyun wasn’t joking about how Jiyong got around guys he was interested in.  He tended to revert back to his preteen years, all smiles and pink cheeks, just like the girls who had fawned over Seunghyun earlier that day.

And that was exactly how Jiyong was now.  They’d went out to a club with Seungho and Soohyuk, and now they were all laughing and throwing back drinks while they teased Jiyong about his new crush.  Well, the others were teasing Jiyong.  Seunghyun was mostly just listening.

Seungho dipped his finger into his mouth and flicked it against the inside of his cheek, a crude imitation of a blowjob, and Jiyong raised his cocktail glass menacingly.  “Cut it out!”

Seungho grinned and pinched at Jiyong’s cheek while Soohyuk laughed into his beer.

Seunghyun looked over toward the guy who had caught Jiyong’s eye this time.  He looked to be about the same height as Seunghyun, but Seunghyun couldn’t be sure from this far away.  The guy was on the other side of the dance floor, standing at the edge with his friends, nursing his drink.  He was some kind of model, apparently.  With better abs than Youngbae, according to Jiyong.

That was all Seunghyun had really heard about him, though.  Just Jiyong gushing about how hot this guy was and looking frantically away any time the guy even remotely looked their way.  Jiyong would bury his face in the side of Seunghyun’s shoulder until the others gave him the all clear.

“Do you even know his name?” Seunghyun asked the top of Jiyong’s head, face still pillowed against Seunghyun’s shoulder.

“ _Yes_.  I know his _name_.”  Jiyong sounded almost offended by that.  “It’s Joowon, and he’s a year younger than me.”

“He’s younger than you?”

“Just a year.”

Seunghyun didn’t know why that surprised him, but it did.  “Huh.  I always pictured you with someone older.”

Jiyong snorted.  “We can’t all be noona-killers like you.”

Seunghyun grinned at Jiyong’s ribbing.  It was true that his major relationships were all with woman who were a few years older than him.  It wasn’t something he sought out; it just sort of happened that way.  He opened his mouth to retort, but Soohyuk cut him off. 

“Are you gonna go talk to this guy or not?  You should do it soon before I’m too drunk to fully appreciate the spectacle.”  Soohyuk lifted his bottle in a toast to that before wrapping his lips around the rim and taking a long pull.

A smirk curled over Seungho’s face.  “20,000 won says he chickens out.”

“Deal,” said Soohyuk, sealing it with a handshake.

Jiyong huffed.  “I’m not gonna chicken out.”

Seungho quirked one disbelieving brow before taking a drag off his cigarette.  “We’ll see.”

“I’m _not_.  Look, I’ll go right now.”  Jiyong stood up and rolled his shoulders back, once then twice.  He cocked his head from side to side, stretching one arm and then the other.

Soohyuk booed and chucked a wadded up napkin at Jiyong’s head.  “Quit stalling.  I have money riding on this.”

The napkin hit Jiyong on the side of the temple.  “Yah!  Alright already, I’m going.”

Jiyong skirted the table and made for his new crush.  He strolled toward him with the same slow, lazy confidence Seunghyun was used to seeing from him on stage, a confidence that faltered as Jiyong weaved through the crowd of bodies, fizzling out completely once he’d nearly made it to his target.  Jiyong came to a halt about a meter away from the guy, stood there for a moment, still, amidst the swaying bodies, and then promptly turned on his heel and scurried back.

Seunghyun and Seungho were snickering by the time Jiyong made it back, Soohyuk cursing as he pulled out his wallet and forked over Seungho’s winnings.

“I’m never betting on you again,” Soohyuk told Jiyong.  Jiyong ignored him, falling back down in his seat beside Seunghyun and planting his reddened face in his hands.

“I told you he’d chicken out,” Seungho said, smug.

Jiyong peeked over his hands long enough to glare at him.  “Shut up.”

“What’s the problem?” Seunghyun asked.  “Just go say hi.”

“And then what?”  Jiyong looked at him like he was stupid.  “What do I say after that?”

Soohyuk gave Jiyong a wry look.  “You act like you’ve never approached a guy before.”

“I normally don’t _have_ to.  They usually come to _me_.”

That was true enough, Seunghyun supposed.  He’d seen more than one guy work up the courage to ask Jiyong for his number.

“Then make this one come to you,” Soohyuk suggested with a lazy shrug of his shoulder.  _No problem_ , his expression seemed to say.  _Should be easy_.

Jiyong just groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face.

But then Seunghyun thought of something:  “Are you sure he even likes guys?”

Jiyong looked over at him, and if his eyes hadn’t been calling Seunghyun dumb earlier, they definitely were now.  “I’m sure,” Jiyong said.

“But how?  If you don’t know anything about him?”

Jiyong gave him this pitying little look, almost mocking, as if Seunghyun had said something cute.  “Trust me, _I’m sure_.  I’m never wrong.”

Seungho made a soft sound from across the table, a gentle clearing of his throat.  He was smirking when Jiyong and Seunghyun looked his way.

“I haven’t been wrong in a long time,” Jiyong amended.

“He’s gay,” Soohyuk agreed, like his word was the final verdict. 

The others all turned to look at Joowon, and Seunghyun followed the lines of their eyes, trying to see what they saw, how they could tell just by looking.  He soon gave up.  He had no idea what had clued them in.

“Look,” Soohyuk said.  “He’s checking out some guy right now.”

“Where?”  Jiyong’s voice came out sharp, jealous.  He lifted a little ways out of his seat to get a better look.  “Really?  That guy?  He can’t even _dance_.”

Seunghyun was starting to doubt his eyesight.  He couldn’t even tell who this Joowon guy was supposedly checking out.  Maybe he should’ve brought his glasses.

Soohyuk looked amused at Jiyong’s pettiness.  “Then go show him up.”

“What, just go out on the middle of the floor and start dancing by myself?  _No_.  He’ll think I’m an idiot.”

“Not by yourself,” Seungho said.  “Find someone to dance with.”

Soohyuk nodded along with Seungho’s suggestion, and then a lightbulb came on over his head, face lighting up with some new epiphany.  “I got it.  What you need is a really hot boyfriend.”

Jiyong stared at him, unimpressed.  “You don’t say.”

“No, I mean a really hot _fake_ boyfriend.  You need someone to go out there with you and show this guy how desirable you are.”

“What?”

Soohyuk was on a roll now, dedicated to his plan.  “It’s human nature.  If he sees some really hot guy trailing after you, he’s gonna wonder what all the fuss is about.  It’s like when your fans see you carrying a new Chanel bag.  They rush out to get their own.  They like it just because they think you like it.”

“So…I’m a purse in this metaphor?”

“Exactly.  Be like one of those fancy bags and hang on the arm of a much hotter man.”

Seunghyun was struck by the image of Jiyong clinging like a koala to the arm of some super hunk.  He sniggered to himself, smothering the sound with the rim of his beer as he took another swig.

“But he’s a _model_ ,” Jiyong whined.  “Where am I gonna find someone hotter?”

The question hung in the air for one long suspended moment, and then as one, everyone’s heads turned Seunghyun’s way.

It took Seunghyun a minute to realize what that meant.  “ _Me?_ ”

Soohyuk looked him over appreciatively, but Jiyong dismissed the idea outright.

“It won’t work.  He’s straight.”  The word came out like an insult, like some kind of horrible affliction Seunghyun had been diagnosed with.

Seunghyun might’ve felt offended if not for the thing Jiyong _didn’t_ say.  He didn’t say Seunghyun wasn’t hotter.  Seunghyun couldn’t help the pleased little feeling that crept up inside him.  It was hardly the first time Jiyong had acknowledged his looks, but it still made him feel good.

Jiyong argued again that Seunghyun couldn’t pull it off, but Soohyuk insisted it would be fine, that Seunghyun was perfect for the gig, and somehow Seunghyun found himself out on the middle of the dance floor with Jiyong without ever having agreed to go along with this.  He looked back over at Seungho and Soohyuk, but all they did was give him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Seunghyun shuffled about awkwardly, waiting to follow Jiyong’s lead, but Jiyong wasn’t being any help.  He looked just as embarrassed.  Jiyong looked around the room, down at the floor, anywhere but at Seunghyun.  The one time his eyes did catch on Seunghyun’s, he grinned and blushed and looked quickly away.

“Why is this so awkward?” Seunghyun laughed.

“I don’t know.”  Jiyong’s little nose scrunched up.  “It just feels _weird_.”

“Do you not wanna do this?”

“Do _you_?”

Seunghyun shrugged.  Honestly, he didn’t mind.  He liked playing pranks, and that was what this felt like, a silly little prank.  A joke for them to laugh about later.  “I don’t care.”

Jiyong chewed on his lip in indecision before finally making up his mind.  “Okay.”  He took a deliberate step into Seunghyun’s space, closing the distance between them until their bodies were nearly touching.  Seunghyun stopped himself from taking a reflexive step back.

“What now?” Seunghyun said.

“We dance.”

Jiyong started moving along to the beat, body rocking with the heavy thumps of the bass.  The dance floor was hotter than the area by their table, flooded with the heat of writhing bodies.  It was mostly dark except for the flashing strobes and the low lights around the periphery.  Jiyong braced one hand against Seunghyun’s shoulder and rolled his body along Seunghyun’s front. 

Seunghyun giggled when Jiyong’s hips rolled against his, and Jiyong pulled back, laughing, hands flung out at his sides, shaking his head at how useless Seunghyun was being.  “You can’t just _stand_ there.  _Do_ something.”

There it was again, the feeling of being an unruly puppy.  Seunghyun was surprised Jiyong didn’t reach up to pet him. 

He said, “What am I supposed to do?  I thought I just had to be hot.  You know dancing’s not my thing.  I’m no good at it.”

“You don’t have to be good at it,” Jiyong said, exasperated.  His eyes sparkled in the dim lights.  “You just have to act like you’re into it.”

Jiyong came toward him again, shimmying his shoulders while the club raved around them.  Seunghyun bopped from one foot to the other like an uncoordinated T-rex with two left feet.  Jiyong fell against his chest, cackling.  He slapped Seunghyun twice over the heart while he laughed.

“What the hell?” Jiyong giggled.  “I know you’re bad at dancing, but you’re not _that_ bad.”

“I’m _sorry_.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to _do_.”

“Just…just pretend like I’m a girl.  Like the one backstage this morning.  With the heels.”  Jiyong’s hands slid down to Seunghyun’s hips.  He led Seunghyun into a gentle sway.

“They all had heels,” Seunghyun said, petulant.

“You know which one I’m talking about.  The one you liked.”

“I didn’t _like_ her.  I told you, I just thought she was pretty.”

Jiyong snorted.  “You thought her _legs_ were pretty.”

Seunghyun hung his head, caught, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

“Anyway, why are you making this so hard?  Aren’t you supposed to be an actor?  Just act like you wanna take me home and fuck me.”

It hit him hard, the mental image.  Jiyong pinned beneath him, limbs splayed across Seunghyun’s dark sheets.  Seunghyun shook the thought away as quickly as it came. 

“ _Jesus_ , Jiyong.”

“What?”  Jiyong blinked at him, innocent.  “Don’t think you can manage it?  I know people like to tease you about _Iris_ , but I really thought you’d gotten better since then.  Maybe not, though.”

Seunghyun yanked Jiyong forward, spurred on by the challenge in his voice.  His performance in that drama still haunted him.  He was constantly trying to redeem himself for it.  Jiyong’s hands caught on Seunghyun’s shoulders as Seunghyun pulled him in.  Seunghyun kept pulling till they were flush, hand flattening over the small of Jiyong’s back, the fabric of Jiyong’s shirt soft and warm and slightly damp from the humidity that blanketed over them.  Jiyong’s mouth hung open in surprise.

Seunghyun brought them together and thought, _acting_ , and then he very deliberating pushed his pelvis against Jiyong’s.  Jiyong bit down on his lip and followed his lead.  The music blared around them, rapid as Seunghyun’s beating heart.  Seunghyun’s thigh naturally slipped between Jiyong’s as they moved together, as Jiyong threw his head back and lost himself to the rhythm.

 _Acting_ , Seunghyun thought again and committed himself to this new character.  He held Jiyong in his arms and pretended that was just where he wanted him.  He caught a couple girls staring at them, probably wondering what GD was doing dirty dancing with Top in a club, but Seunghyun just grinned at them and stuck his tongue out.  They giggled and turned back to their drinks.

Seunghyun refocused his attention on Jiyong.

“Put your hands lower,” Jiyong hissed, even as he moved to push them down himself.  He slid Seunghyun’s hands down until they were low on his hips, fingers brushing over the swell of Jiyong’s ass.  “You’re supposed to be trying to fuck me, not take me out for ice-cream.”

Seunghyun’s brows flew up at Jiyong’s bluntness.  It took a minute to recover from his surprise, but when he did, he said, “I happen to _like_ ice-cream.”

Jiyong gave a little scoff.  “Unless you’re imagining licking it off me, my point still stands.”

 _Licking it off?_   “Pervert.”

Jiyong laughed.  He nodded his head, accepting.  He moved in closer, folding his wrists behind Seunghyun’s neck.  They moved together well now that Seunghyun had given himself over to it, and by “well” Seunghyun just meant that he was doing that standard guy-in-the-club dance, moving just enough to be called dancing but not enough to embarrass himself, letting his partner do all the work.  Not that Jiyong seemed to mind.  He writhed seductively in Seunghyun’s arms, hips tracing out some kind of magic as the beat thumped.

“Is he watching?” Jiyong asked.

Seunghyun stared down at him dumbly.  It took him a minute to figure out what Jiyong was talking about.  Right, Joowon.  The reason they were out here.  Seunghyun looked out over the top of Jiyong’s head to where Joowon last was.  The guy was still there, standing at his post.  He was laughing with a couple of other guys, still sipping at the same drink from before if Seunghyun wasn’t mistaken.  Lightweight.

“I don’t think so,” Seunghyun said.  The guy had a prime vantage point for their little show, but they’d yet to earn his attention.

Jiyong huffed.  “Fine,” he said, chin tilting up in new determination.  “Time to step it up.” 

And then Jiyong was turning about in his arms, molding his back to Seunghyun’s front.  Seunghyun could see the hint of a smirk in the corner of Jiyong’s mouth before Jiyong started sliding his way down, dropping toward the floor.  Jiyong bounced once and then slid back up, ass first this time, bent over at the waist as his ass slid up the length of Seunghyun’s thighs, coming to a stop in the cradle of Seunghyun’s hips.  Seunghyun remained frozen as Jiyong rolled his body the rest of the way up.  Jiyong ended the move with a coy flourish of his hips.  Seunghyun felt himself flush. 

“He’s looking now,” Jiyong said, and sure enough, Joowon’s eyes were right on them, on _Jiyong_.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Seunghyun asked, eyes wide.  “I don’t remember Jaewook-hyung teaching us that in dance practice.”

Laughing, Jiyong shifted further back against him.  His head lulled back against Seunghyun’s shoulder, hand reaching up to curl around Seunghyun’s nape.

“I’m a man of mystery,” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun’s chuckle rumbled out of him.  He felt a stray tendril of Jiyong’s hair tickle his jaw.  “Tell the truth, you’ve been watching Beyoncé videos again, haven’t you?”

Seunghyun felt Jiyong’s laugh more than heard it.  His shoulders shook gently against Seunghyun’s chest.

The song changed, and the lights changed with it, the strobes switched out for the purple glow of the black light.  The room’s once innocuous trim now shone in bright fluorescent.  Jiyong turned back around to face him, a seamless transition that brought them back to their original position, chest to chest, thighs interlocked.  Seunghyun’s hands stayed low on Jiyong’s hips, just as Jiyong ordered, a tether to keep them together.

Dancing with Jiyong wasn’t much different than dancing with a girl.  He moved like one, a teasing swivel to his hips, delicate hands sliding playfully over Seunghyun’s shoulders.  Seunghyun had just been teasing about the Beyoncé thing, but he did wonder.

The room was even darker with just the black light, faces hard to make out.  The threads stitching Jiyong’s shirt together glowed white.  It was dark enough now that Joowon would hardly be able to see them even if he tried.  Still, Seunghyun didn’t move away.

“Do you really think I’m hotter?” Seunghyun broke the silence.  He had to murmur the words right against Jiyong’s ear for them to have any hope of being heard.

Jiyong chuckled against Seunghyun’s throat.  His hips swayed gently to the slow, sultry beat.

“You know how good-looking you are,” Jiyong finally said.  “You don’t need me to tell you.”

Seunghyun didn’t realize he was smiling until Jiyong rolled his eyes.

“Don’t look so smug.  Joowon has a way better personality.”

Seunghyun felt himself pout at that.  “How would you know?  You’ve never even talked to him.”

“It doesn’t take much to be better than yours,” Jiyong teased.  Seunghyun lowered his head a little so it was easier for Jiyong to reach his ear.  “I bet he’s not as messy as you are, for one.  You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?  Every time I go in your room I’m scared I’m gonna get lost and never find my way out.”

Seunghyun laughed.  His hand flexed around Jiyong’s hip.  “If it bothers you so much, clean it for me.”

“ _You_ clean it.  It’s _your_ room.”

Seunghyun laughed again and shook his head.  Jiyong’s breaths were warm against Seunghyun’s throat.  Seunghyun was about to tease Jiyong some more, something about housewives and Jiyong’s likeness to them, when his gaze slid over Jiyong’s shoulder to where Joowon had last been.  The guy wasn’t there anymore.  Seunghyun looked around the room but couldn’t spot him anywhere.

“I think your man left,” Seunghyun said, and the motion of Jiyong’s hips stopped.

“What?”

Jiyong’s head whipped around to where Joowon should be, all semblance of their dance forgotten.  He stood up on his toes and craned this way and that, searching for him amidst the crowd.  He didn’t have any more luck than Seunghyun, though.

“Damn,” Jiyong said.

Eventually, they made their way back over to their table.  Jiyong drug his feet, walking slowly, scanning the crowd the whole way back.

“He’s gone,” Seungho said once they’d reached the table.  “He left about ten minutes ago.”

“Why didn’t you come tell me?” Jiyong asked.

“Why didn’t you notice?” Seungho challenged.  Jiyong’s mouth snapped shut.

“You guys looked awfully cozy out there,” Soohyuk said.  “Almost like a real couple.”

Seunghyun plopped back down in his seat.  “I’m a good actor.”  His half-empty bottle was still sitting on the table.  He went to take a drink but changed his mind once he realized how warm it had gotten.

“Yeah,” Jiyong said after a moment.  “Hyung’s a good actor.”  Instead of sitting back down, he took a step backwards toward the bar.  “I’m gonna get a drink.”

Seunghyun tried to ask Jiyong to get him a fresh beer while he was at it, but Jiyong was already out of earshot.

 

 

When they got back to the dorm that night, Seunghyun braced his hand against the wall as he toed off his shoes.  He was far more sober than what he was used to being after a night out with his friends.

He wound up falling into step with Jiyong and walking him to his room, mainly because it was on the way to Seunghyun’s room.  Jiyong’s door was the one right before Seunghyun’s.

“Goodnight,” Jiyong whispered.

“Goodnight,” Seunghyun answered, and then, “Sorry I wasn’t more help with that guy.”

Jiyong waved him off.  “It’s not your fault.  Thanks, anyway.  You make a pretty good boyfriend.”

Seunghyun rocked back on his heels.  “I know how to be a gentleman.”  He illustrated his point by reaching past Jiyong and opening the door for him.

Jiyong smiled at the gesture.  “You’re gonna make some girl really happy someday.”  His fingers danced along the doorframe for a moment before he smiled one last time and slipped into his room.  The door shut gently behind him.

Seunghyun went to his own room after that, not bothering to turn on the overhead light.  He waded to his nightstand and flicked on the lamp.  Seunghyun pushed down his jeans, letting them stay in a crumpled heap right where he stepped out of them, just another casualty of the battlefield that was his room.  He pulled on the first pair of pajama pants he could find and then fell back on his mattress with a gentle bounce. 

His eyes wandered from his ceiling to his walls, to the dresser on the far wall.  He found his figurines looking back, positioned on the dresser and shelves with the utmost care, a pristine sentry over the wreckage on the floor.

His eyes landed on the wall next to him after that, a Wu-Tang poster tacked over his bed next to a knockoff Andy Warhol painting.  Jiyong’s room was right on the other side of that wall.  His bed ran alongside Seunghyun’s, nothing but a thin sheet of drywall separating them.

Sometimes, when neither one of them could sleep, they’d play a game, knocking out the rhythm of a song with their knuckles while the other tried to guess what it was.

Seunghyun tapped out part of the beat to “Haru Haru” and grinned when Jiyong picked up where he left off.

He turned off his lamp and gave himself up to sleep.

 

 

 


	2. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong cocked an eyebrow at him. “Remember what I said about dumping you?”

 

 

 

Seunghyun loved Sundays.  If they got a day off that week, more than likely, it fell on a Sunday.  Daesung and Youngbae would take off to church, and Seungri would vanish somewhere with his own set of friends.  And Seunghyun would spend the whole day trying to beat his own record for laziness.  He’d sleep in till well past noon, then migrate out to the couch and spend the rest of the day lounging in his pajamas.

Today was no different.  He had a can of coke in one hand, a half-eaten bag of chips perched on his belly, and a small pile of shiny candy wrappers littering the floor.  There was nothing on TV to speak of so he’d popped in _Oldboy_ for the millionth time.  He had everything he needed for a mindless day of relaxation, the dorm all to himself.

Or so he thought.  He forgot to account for Jiyong.

He’d just made it to the part where Daesu was doling out some serious carnage when Jiyong came strolling into the living room.  He padded over to the couch, eyes on the screen.  “ _Oldboy_?”

Seunghyun grunted in lieu of a yes.  Jiyong tapped on Seunghyun’s shin till he raised his feet, plopping down onto the couch cushion where he then pulled Seunghyun’s feet down into his lap.  “We’ve watched this so many times,” he said.  “Aren’t you sick of it?”

Seunghyun grunted again.  “Nothing else on.”

Jiyong was quiet then.  He sat with Seunghyun, watching the movie, fingers tapping a gentle rhythm against Seunghyun’s ankle while Daesu clobbered a swarm of men with his hammer.  Seunghyun fished out a chip, munching loudly as a man screamed in agony on the screen.  He wiped his hand over his chest a couple times to get rid of the crumbs.

Jiyong let out a soft laugh.  “Classy.”

Seunghyun shrugged.  He took a big gulp of his coke before returning to his chips.  He tried to focus on the movie, but Jiyong was still gazing over at him, chewing on his lower lip.  Seunghyun felt the words coming before Jiyong even said them.

“I’m bored.”

Seunghyun didn’t say anything to that.  Best not to engage.  He knew what Jiyong was angling for, but he had a date with the couch, and he intended to keep it.

But Jiyong was equally determined not to be ignored.  “I’m _bored_ ,” he whined, pushing at Seunghyun’s leg, kneading into it like a cat.  “Let’s go out.”

Seunghyun sank further down into the cushion, trying to merge with it out of sheer force of will.  He wasn’t going anywhere.  “Go without me.” 

“Please?”

“No way.  I’m staying right here.  I might get up later to piss, but other than that, I’m not moving.”

Seunghyun could see Jiyong’s pout out of the corner of his eye.  “You suck,” Jiyong said.  “I take it back, you’re a horrible boyfriend.”

Seunghyun chuckled, his eyes flashing over to Jiyong before he could stop them.  “I thought that was just for last night.”

“It will be if you don’t take me out!  ‘Cause I’m gonna dump you!”

Seunghyun snickered at the way Jiyong’s pout deepened, bottom lip pushed out.  He looked adorable like that, balled up on the couch with Seunghyun’s feet cuddled in his lap, face scrunched up in the frown of a child who wasn’t getting his way.  Seunghyun grinned in spite of himself, his plans of epic slothfulness circling down the drain.  “What did you have in mind?”

His words flicked a switch behind Jiyong’s expression, changing his frown into a wide, beaming grin so fast it left Seunghyun breathless. 

“I don’t know,” Jiyong said, excited.  “We’ll figure it out.”  He started bouncing in his seat and shoving at Seunghyun’s legs, trying to push him off the couch.  “Get dressed.”

Seunghyun laughed as Jiyong tried to force him up.  “I never said I’d go.”

But Jiyong knew he had him.  And Seunghyun knew it, too.  Jiyong smiled and kept nudging at him till Seunghyun finally slid off onto the floor.  Seunghyun let out a loud, enduring groan to mark his displeasure at being forced out of his nest, to make sure Jiyong fully appreciated the sacrifice he was making.  One of his candy wrappers crinkled against his ear.

Jiyong grinned down at him from his perch on the couch, not even remotely guilty.  “Wear something clean,” he said.

Seunghyun stuck his tongue out.

 

 

They wound up going to see a movie.  Jiyong wanted to watch _The Dark Knight_ , and though Seunghyun had already seen it once, he liked it enough that he didn’t mind watching it again.  They got in line for tickets, and when it was finally their turn, the girl working the booth froze at the sight of them. 

“Oh my god.”  Her hands flew up over her mouth, eyes darting frantically over Jiyong and Seunghyun, blinking like maybe she was hallucinating.

Seunghyun smiled and drew out his wallet.  “Two for _The Dark Knight_ , please.”

She nodded her head, jumping back to attention.  Her hands shook a little as she passed him their tickets.  Jiyong flashed her a peace sign as they walked away.

There was still a good chunk of time before their movie started.  They’d come without checking the show times first so now they had to deal with the wait.  Without discussing it, they both started making their way over to the arcade room at the far side of the lobby.

The room was filled with the sound of chatter and computerized sound effects, the occasional happy screeching of a child.  There was an air hockey table in the center of the room with two preteen girls matched off against each other.  One whole wall was lined with various versions of _Tekken_ and a couple first-person shooters.  Seunghyun saw a couple of basketball games in the corner.

Jiyong stopped beside a racing game.  “Race ya.”

“You’re on.” 

Seunghyun left him alone for just a moment to go back to the machine at the entrance to switch out some money for tokens.  When he got back, Jiyong was settled in one of the bucket seats, turning the stirring wheel idly. 

“Let’s do this,” Seunghyun said, sliding into the other seat.  “I’m gonna crush you.”

Jiyong laughed.  “You don’t even know how to _drive_.”

“I know how.  I just choose not to.”

“You don’t even have a license.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass.”

Jiyong grinned and shook his head as Seunghyun slipped a couple tokens into the slot.  “We’ll see about that.”

Seunghyun had been right about one thing.  There _was_ crushing.  But he wasn’t the one to crush Jiyong, nor was Jiyong the one to crush him.  Seunghyun managed to do that all by himself.  Jiyong threw his head back and laughed as Seunghyun’s little yellow race car careened into the guardrail for the umpteenth time.  Jiyong had already lapped him once and was about to do so again.

“Wow, Hyung, you _really_ suck at this.  You’re even worse than I thought.”

Seunghyun snickered as his car’s bumper fell off.  When it reset itself, he started driving backwards down the track, making his own game since the one at hand was already lost.  He zoomed around, crashing into every car he could find, giggling when a collision sent his car spinning out over the grass.

He finally managed to smack into Jiyong’s car as he came back around.  Seunghyun laughed at the way Jiyong’s purple car flipped ass over end.  “Told you I’d crush you.”

Jiyong laughed.  “You’re such an idiot.”  He waited for his car to fix itself and then sailed off for the win.

They played a couple other games, including _Tekken_ because Seunghyun claimed he really was good at that one.  After a frenzy of mashed buttons and hurled insults, _KO!_ flashed across the screen.

Seunghyun’s fists shot up into the air.  “Yeah!  That’s right!  Who’s the idiot now?”

“No!”  Jiyong slapped at the buttons, then gave the side of the machine a good bang.  Seunghyun broke into a celebratory dance, hips swiveling about like they were supporting a hula hoop, throwing his hands around in exaggerated hip hop gestures.  Jiyong’s fingers slid off the controls.  He let out a deep sigh of defeat.

“In your face!” Seunghyun crowed.  “Driving’s for losers.”

Jiyong cocked an eyebrow at him.  “Remember what I said about dumping you?”

“I’m not scared.  You think I’m _pretty_.”

Jiyong didn’t deny it.  He just gave Seunghyun this long-suffering smile and let him have his moment.  Seunghyun continued to dance about and gloat till Jiyong’s attention caught on something new and he took off toward it.  Seunghyun thought Jiyong was heading for _DDR_ , and he was about to dig in his heels against it, but Jiyong bypassed it, stopping instead in front of this dinky claw machine over in the corner.

Jiyong’s hands pressed against the glass as he looked over the prizes it contained, mostly jewelry, the occasional wallet and pair of sunglasses, a glittery array of silver and fake yellow gold.

“I want that,” Jiyong pointed. 

Seunghyun took a step closer and followed the line of his finger.  Best he could tell, Jiyong was pointing at this little silver bracelet with a heart charm.

“Get it for me,” Jiyong ordered.

Seunghyun laughed at his audacity.  “Get it yourself.”

Jiyong smacked his shoulder.  “You were such a better boyfriend yesterday!  I want that guy back.”

“ _Ouch_.”  Seunghyun rubbed at his shoulder.  “Maybe if you were _nicer_.”

Jiyong’s mouth closed shut.  He scanned over Seunghyun’s face with shrewd eyes, calculating.  And then his smile grew sweet.  Seunghyun looked on warily as Jiyong sidled up to him, curling his hands around his bicep just over the crook of his elbow.

The request came again, saccharine this time, mouth in a full on pout.  “ _Please_ ,” he cajoled, tugging on Seunghyun’s arm, like those over-cute girlfriends in the dramas he sometimes caught Jiyong and Seungri watching together.  Seunghyun was more amused than swayed, though.

When he refused to budge, Jiyong tugged on him more insistently.  “ _Oppa_ ,” he whined.  An odd feeling trickled down Seunghyun’s spine.  Jiyong planted his chin on Seunghyun’s shoulder.  _“Oppaaa._ ”

Seunghyun tried to tamp down his grin, to no avail.  It crept across his face, breaking free in slow increments till it became a full-fledged smile.  “Okay, okay.”  He reached into his pocket and dug out a token.

The first time he tried, he massively overshot his mark.  The claw sank to the bottom of the machine and closed around nothing.  The second time wasn’t much better.  He tried again and again, feeding the machine full of tokens, Jiyong clinging to him all the while, fingers curled daintily around Seunghyun’s arm as he cheered him on.

Seunghyun finally managed to pick the bracelet up, but it slipped free as soon as the claw raised back to the top.  “I don’t think I can get it,” he said.

“You will if you love me.”

“Love you?  I don’t even _like_ you right now,” Seunghyun muttered even as he slipped in another token.  Jiyong laughed into his shoulder, still clutching at his arm.  Seunghyun remembered the image of koala-Jiyong that he’d conjured up last night and figured he hadn’t been too far off the mark.

The claw moved over and back.  It sunk down to the bottom and pulled together, catching on the chain of the bracelet for a second time only to draw back up, empty.

“You bastard.”  Seunghyun dug into his pocket again, but came up with nothing, much like the claw.  He looked down at Jiyong, a sheepish smile on his face.  “I’m out of tokens.”

Jiyong stared up at him in something like betrayal, as if Seunghyun failed him on _purpose_.  He kept staring at him, shaking his head.

“What?  It’s not as easy as it looks.  _You_ try it.”

Jiyong was still shaking his head at him.  Seunghyun looked down at his watch.  “Our movie’s about to start anyway.  Will you settle for popcorn, instead?”

“And candy.”

“And candy,” Seunghyun agreed.

“Fine.”  Jiyong finally let him go, leading the way to the concession stand.

Seunghyun followed a beat behind him.  “I knew I should’ve stayed home.”

Standing in line at a place like this always made him feel a little self-conscious.  He’d mostly gotten used to it, the stares.  People whispering excitedly and pointing his way.  But just because he’d gotten used to it didn’t mean he could tune it out.

Once they reached the register, Jiyong made sure Seunghyun made up for not winning him the bracelet, and then some.  He kept pointing out things he wanted, popcorn, M&Ms, some combo deal that came with a Batman cup.

Just when he thought they were done, Jiyong pointed at something else in the display glass.  “Buy me that.”

Seunghyun didn’t even know what he was pointing at.  He just gave the employee the go ahead and opened his wallet again.  “I’m gonna go broke if I keep hanging out with you.”  Jiyong just stared at him, sipping loudly through his straw.

They moved off to the side where the popcorn toppers and napkins were stationed.  He was in the middle of pulling a couple of napkins free when Jiyong suddenly latched onto his shoulders and hid behind his back.

“Oh my god, he’s here.”

Seunghyun tried to crane his head around to look at him, but Jiyong kept himself tucked away, face pressed right between Seunghyun’s shoulder blades.

“Who’s here?”

“ _Joowon_.”

Seunghyun looked around, trying to spot him.  Jiyong smacked him on the back for it.  “Stop it,” Jiyong hissed.  “He’s gonna see us.”

“Isn’t that the point?  For you to get his attention?”

Jiyong didn’t respond to that.  He pulled himself up onto his tiptoes and peered over Seunghyun’s shoulder, then hunkered right back down.  Seunghyun finally caught sight of Joowon in front of one of the registers, ordering something to drink with two other guys, likely his friends.  The three of them seemed to be cut from the same cloth, designer jeans and fitted shirts and well-maintained haircuts.

Jiyong was still refusing to budge out from behind Seunghyun’s back, locked in a game of one-sided hide and seek.  Seunghyun was so focused on trying not to laugh that he almost didn’t notice the little girl approach him.  She was a tiny thing, probably no more than six.  She padded over to him, light as a ghost, and stared straight up at him.  “You’re Top-oppa,” she declared.

Seunghyun smiled down at her.  “That’s right.  And what’s your name?”  Jiyong peeked around to see who he was talking to.

“I’m Misuk.  I’m five.”  She held up four fingers to show them.

Jiyong grinned.  “I think you need one more.”  He bent down and took her hand, unfolding her thumb from her palm so all five fingers were spread wide.  “There ya go.”

Just then a woman ran over, harried.  “Misuk, you can’t run off like that!  I was worried!”

“I found Top-oppa,” Misuk beamed proudly.

The mom’s eyes widened when she realized who was standing in front of her.  She pulled Misuk toward her legs, bowing profusely.  “I’m so sorry.  I hope she wasn’t too much of a bother.”

“Not at all,” Jiyong smiled.  “She’s cute.”

“Can I get your autograph?” she blurted, then immediately backpedaled.  “No, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that.  You guys are just here to see a movie.”

Seunghyun and Jiyong both waved off her concern.  “Do you have a pen?”

It took a minute for her to dig through her purse, but she finally came up with one.  She didn’t, however, have any paper.  They finally just made do with a napkin.  Seunghyun signed his name, and then Jiyong.  She took the napkin gratefully, bowing as she retreated from them.  Jiyong waved at the little girl as her mom led her away.

“Can I have one, too?  My little sister is a big fan.”

Seunghyun and Jiyong both turned toward the sound of the voice, and Jiyong froze.  Joowon was standing right beside them, his two friends busy salting their popcorn.

Jiyong’s mouth opened and closed.  He stared over at Joowon, struck dumb.  He finally managed to pull it together enough for a smile, cheeks pink.  “Sorry, she ran off with the pen.”

“That’s too bad,” Joowon said.  His smile was perfect.  Too perfect, Seunghyun thought.  “I’m Joowon,” he introduced.  “I’m pretty sure I saw you at the club last night.”

“Did you?” Jiyong asked, breezily.  “Sorry, I don’t think I saw you.”

Seunghyun fought to contain his laugh.  He wasn’t very successful, though.  Jiyong elbowed him in the gut when a hint of a giggle broke free.

“What are you here to see?” Jiyong asked, and that was when Seunghyun started to tune them out.  He munched on his popcorn, drinking in the crowd, studying the movie posters for things he might want to see.

The sound of Jiyong’s laughter drew his attention back.  Jiyong’s eyes were darting back and forth between Joowon and the floor, bashful, lip caught between his teeth, and Joowon’s smile grew wider and wider each time Jiyong had to look away.

Seunghyun found himself getting irritated.  Because even though he wasn’t dating Jiyong, Joowon didn’t know that, yet here he was trying to scam on another guy’s date.  What kind of disrespectful punk did something like that?  Seunghyun wasn’t so sure he wanted Jiyong with a guy like that.

His hand settled on the small of Jiyong’s back before he made the decision to put it there.  “We should go find seats.  I bet the theater will be packed.”

Jiyong looked up at him, uncomprehending.  Then Seunghyun’s words registered.  “Oh, right.”  He gathered up his candy from where he’d set it on the counter while he was signing the woman’s autograph.  “It was nice meeting you,” he told Joowon.

Seunghyun ushered him away.  When they made it into their designated room, they headed straight for the back row.  They were the first people to sit there, but they weren’t alone for long.  Joowon and his friends filed in a few seconds after them.  Joowon plopped down in a nearby seat, leaving two open spots between him and Jiyong.

But Seunghyun had been right about the theater being packed.  Before too long, the rows were filling up.  A group of students came in and asked Joowon and his friends if they wouldn’t mind sliding down a couple seats so their group wouldn’t have to split up.  They did it without any fuss, scooting down to give them room, Joowon sinking into the seat right next to Jiyong.

“Hello, again,” Joowon said.

“Hello.”  Jiyong had already broken out the moon eyes.  Seunghyun slouched down in his seat and settled in for the blushing that would surely follow.

He only caught bits and pieces of their conversation, but he did get the bit about the evolution of the Batmobile. 

“This one was totally custom built,” Joowon said.  “Everything but the engine.  They used a Chevy V8 for that.”

Jiyong nodded along, as if this was all fascinating stuff, as if Joowon’s gushing over a 5.7 liter engine actually meant something to him.

“Sorry,” Joowon said.  “I’m just really into cars.”

Jiyong smiled at him.  “It’s okay.  Me too.”

Seunghyun bit his tongue, didn’t ask, _since when?_

The lights finally dimmed, and Joowon stopped blabbing.  The audience grew silent as the movie began, broken only by the soft crinkling of snack wrappers and the occasional buzz of a whisper.

“It’s cold in here,” Jiyong murmured, rubbing at his arms in an attempt to warm himself.

“It is kind of chilly,” Joowon agreed.

Seunghyun peered over at Jiyong’s bare arms, then at his own covered ones.  Was he still supposed to be playing the boyfriend role?  They hadn’t really discussed it, but Seunghyun figured it was best to keep up the ruse lest Jiyong bitch at him later.  He leaned forward and tugged up on his hoodie, drawing it up over his head, adjusting the t-shirt he was wearing underneath once it was removed.  He held it out toward Jiyong, offering it up.

Jiyong looked him over, a slow smile unzipping across his face.  Gingerly, he took the hoodie from Seunghyun’s hands.  Instead of putting it on, he cuddled up under it, using it as a blanket.  “It smells good,” Jiyong said. 

Seunghyun lips quirked up.  “You sound surprised.”

“I am.  How long has it been rotting at the bottom of one of your piles?”

“Got it fresh from the wash.  Just for you, babe.”

Jiyong smiled before returning his attention to the movie, and to his M&Ms.  He tried to offer some to Joowon and his friends, but Seunghyun snatched the bag away before he could and upended it over his own mouth.  Seunghyun chewed on them happily, a smarmy close-lipped smile on his face, half the bag of M&Ms in his mouth.  Jiyong smacked him and stole back what was left.

A while later, Seunghyun saw Joowon’s arm brush against Jiyong’s.  Jiyong let their arms stay that way, pressed together, sharing an armrest. 

Seunghyun leaned over to whisper in Jiyong’s ear.  “Don’t you think you should at least wait to cheat on me till I’m not here?”

Jiyong’s laugh bubbled out of him.  His arm pulled back from Joowon’s.  Jiyong looked over at Seunghyun, eyes full of mirth.  “I don’t _cheat_.” 

Seunghyun shrugged.  “He’s gonna think you’re some sort of floozy, flirting with him while you’re out on a date with me.”

“Shut up before I make you go buy me more M&Ms.”

“Remember what we talked about?  About you being nice?”

“Fine.  Go get me more M&Ms, _please_.”

“You call that nice?”

Jiyong’s laugh tickled Seunghyun’s ear.  “I can be nice,” he teased.  “ _Oppa_.” 

The moniker made him feel warm, just like earlier.  He could feel the sensation of Jiyong’s lips, the shape of them, even though they weren’t quite touching him.  He knew Jiyong was smiling without looking at his mouth.

“One of these days, that’s not gonna work,” Seunghyun warned, aiming for stern, and then he rose up out of his seat to fetch Jiyong more candy.  Jiyong giggled and pulled him back down into his seat.

Parting ways with Joowon and his friends after the movie was rather anticlimactic.  The lights came on, and they slowly rose up out of their seats. 

“It was nice meeting you,” Joowon told the both of them.  He smiled with those too-perfect teeth of his.  “My sister’s gonna be so jealous when I tell her I sat next to Top and G-dragon.”

Jiyong laughed.  “Sorry we missed out on that pen.  I could’ve sent you home with an autograph for her.”

“It’s okay.  Maybe next time.”

And there it was, Seunghyun thought.  Jiyong’s opening, the perfect opportunity to segue into an invitation to hang out sometime.  Or at least score a phone number.

“Yeah,” Jiyong said.  “Sounds good.” 

And that was that.  Joowon’s friends lead the way out of the room, but then they got separated in the crowd.  Once Seunghyun and Jiyong made it out onto the sidewalk, he stared at Jiyong in disbelief.

“Really?  That’s it?  That was your moment.”

“I _know_ ,” Jiyong moaned.  He shoved one hand haphazardly through his hair.  “I panicked.”

Seunghyun chuckled.  He slung an arm around Jiyong’s shoulders.  “Are you hungry?  I’ll buy you a cheeseburger if it’ll cheer you up.”

Jiyong sighed.  “Okay.” 

They walked down the sidewalk in tandem, Seunghyun’s arm still pitched around Jiyong’s shoulders.  Jiyong had his borrowed hoodie cradled against his tummy.

“Do you want this back?” he asked.

“Are you still cold?”

Jiyong shrugged.  “A little bit.”

“Then hang on to it.”

They stopped walking long enough for Jiyong to tug the hoodie over his head.  Seunghyun grinned at the way it swallowed him, the tips of his fingers barely peeking out of the sleeves.  Seunghyun yanked the hood up over Jiyong’s head just to watch him sputter and bitch about it.  Jiyong shoved the hood back down, the static causing strands of his hair to float up.

“Come on,” Seunghyun said, smoothing Jiyong’s hair back down.  “Let’s eat.”

 

 

When they finally got home, Seunghyun walked Jiyong to his door, much like he had the night before. 

“You know,” Jiyong said, “that was actually one of the better dates I’ve been on.”

“Why?  ‘Cause you had two guys instead of one?”

“Nah, I think it was the McDonald’s.  It really elevated the evening.”  He fiddled with the doorknob, not quite opening the door.  “Well, I guess I’ll see you in the morning.  We have to be up early for practice, so...”

Seunghyun nodded.  He watched as Jiyong slid his hand around the doorknob again, pushing it open this time, lingering in the open doorway.  They stood together, on the threshold. 

Jiyong gave him a playful grin.  “If this was a real date, now’s the point where I’d let you kiss me.”

Seunghyun’s heart knocked once against his chest.  Probably heartburn.  “Don’t let that stop you,” he said, darting in with his lips obscenely puckered, making exaggerated kissy noises as Jiyong laughed and fought him off.  Jiyong’s hands braced against his shoulders as Seunghyun craned his neck towards him.

“Get off!” Jiyong laughed, a smile split wide across his face.

Snickering, Seunghyun tried to dart in one last time before finally backing off.  “Your loss.  I’m a great kisser.”

“I can tell,” Jiyong said, deadpan.  “That was some amazing technique you were showing me just then.”

Seunghyun’s shoulders shook with laughter.  His chest felt open and light.  “Night, Jiyong,” he said, turning to his own door.  It would only open halfway, though, too much junk built up behind it.

“Hyung?”

Seunghyun looked back over just in time to see Jiyong push up on his toes and press a soft kiss to the curve of his cheek.  Slowly, Jiyong lowered himself back down onto his feet.  Seunghyun stared down at him in surprise, and Jiyong stared back, an impish gleam in his eyes.

And then Seunghyun slapped a hand over his cheek and pretended to faint back against the door.  “Omo!”  He clung to the door like it was the only thing holding him up, gazing up at the ceiling dreamily.

Jiyong fell against the wall, laughing at Seunghyun’s antics.  Seunghyun pretended to swoon again, and Jiyong giggled, eyes drawn up into little crescents, gums showing through his smile.  He planted his face against the wall and laughed.  “Why did I ever think pretending to date you was a good idea?”

“I don’t know,” Seunghyun said.  “Some people are just born smart.”

“Go to bed, you dork.”

Seunghyun waggled his eyebrows as he squeezed through the narrow opening to his room.

 

 

 


	3. Coming Out

 

 

 

Youngbae must’ve been the one who drew the short straw the next morning because he was the one who came to wake Seunghyun up.  His nagging was even worse than Jiyong’s, probably because there was less smiling, more sighing.  He kneeled on the side of Seunghyun’s bed and slapped his shoulder till he got up, and then wordlessly, he left.

Seunghyun stumbled out of his room, bleary eyed.  The sun hadn’t been up for long.  The others were already seated around the table in the kitchen having their breakfast.  He drug his feet over to them and collapsed into the vacant chair.  There was a plate for him on the table, ready for him to fill it with food.  He scooped out generous helpings of the various dishes in the center of the table.

He was in the middle of his first bite when Jiyong came over, setting a cup of coffee down in front of him and pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head.

“Good morning,” Jiyong said.

“Morning.”

“I went ahead and told them about us,” Jiyong said, staring into his eyes meaningfully, brushing a strand of hair back from Seunghyun’s face.  “I hope you don’t mind.”  Jiyong’s gaze flicked to the side and back.

Seunghyun glanced over to see what Jiyong wanted him to see.  Seungri was staring at the pair of them like they were aliens or cannibals or something.  Youngbae and Daesung were trying not to laugh.

Seunghyun decided to play along.  Fucking with Seungri was one of his favorite pastimes.  “I don’t mind.  They were bound to find out sooner or later.”

Jiyong sat back down in the seat beside him, reaching over to cover Seunghyun’s hand with his.  “Hyung took me out on a date last night.  It was so _romantic_.  We went to this really fancy restaurant.”

Seunghyun grinned at the idea of McDonald’s falling under the category of _fancy_.  Jiyong would’ve ended him if Seunghyun had taken him there on a real date.

Doubt was written in every line of Seungri’s face.  “I don’t believe you.  Top-hyung likes girls.”

“What can I say?” Seunghyun shrugged.  “Jiyong turned me.”

“I can be very persuasive,” Jiyong added.

Seungri looked back and forth between them, eyes narrowed in scrutiny.  He shook his head.  “No way.  Top-hyung could have any girl he wants.  Why would he suddenly turn gay for you?”

Jiyong’s smile froze on his face.  He was quiet where he’d normally have a comeback.  And then his mouth stretched into a razor sharp smile, lips dripping with sin.  “If you’re so curious, why don’t you come over here?  You can find out for yourself.”

Seungri choked on his water.  He looked over at Jiyong, scandalized.  “No, thanks.  I, err…I think I’ll stay right here.”

Jiyong’s eyes stayed trained in on him, a viper watching a mouse.  “If you change your mind…”

“I won’t,” Seungri hurried.  He forced a jovial smile onto his face.  “Wouldn’t want to break up the happy couple, right?  Hyung might get jealous.”

Jiyong gave him a dismissive once over.  “I’m sure he doesn’t have anything to be jealous about.”

Seungri, who was nodding along, abruptly stopped when he realized that was supposed to be an insult.  “Hey!  What’s that supposed to mean?”

The others couldn’t hold in their laughter anymore.  It burst out of them, Youngbae giving Seungri a fond clap on the back.

That was how the rest of the week went.  They were busy with promotions, including filming a CF that ate up nearly two whole days.  Almost all of their time was spent working.

They didn’t see Joowon at all during that time, no opportunity for a chance run in at the theater or the club, so they mostly dropped the boyfriend bit except for a joke here and there.  Though Jiyong still threatened to dump him if Seunghyun didn’t do as he was told.

 

 

It wasn’t until nearly two weeks later that the whole boyfriend thing came back into the foreground.  He and Jiyong met up with Soohyuk and Seungho again, this time at a low-key bar for a couple of drinks.  Once they got settled in, a drink in each of their hands, Jiyong had to tell them all about how they’d ran into Joowon at the movies and how he’d gotten to sit by him.

“We talked a lot while we were waiting for the movie to start,” Jiyong told them.

Seunghyun raised his beer up to his lips.  “Tell ‘em how you choked when it was over.”

“Shut up!”  Jiyong laughed, shoving at his shoulder.  The amber liquid sloshed about in Seunghyun’s bottle.  “I got nervous.”

“You’re not the only one who’s seen him recently,” Soohyuk said, a hint of coyness about his lips.  “I just had a shoot with him.”

Jiyong rocked forward in his seat.  “No way.  Are you serious?  What did he say?  What was he like?”

Soohyuk chuckled.  “Easy there.  Save the crazy till after he agrees to date you.”

“Would you just tell me already?”

Soohyuk tapped his finger against his glass.  “Do you want the good news first or the bad news?”

Jiyong answered, wary.  “The good news.”

Soohyuk propped his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his steepled hands.  “The good news is Seungho’s having a party this weekend and I invited Joowon to come.”

Jiyong looked over at Seungho.  “I didn’t know you were having a party.”

The toothpick Seungho had been chewing on rolled to the corner of his mouth.  “Neither did I.”

“Surprise!”  Soohyuk grinned.  “Anyway, he said he’d come.”

“Okay, so what’s the bad news?”

Soohyuk grimaced.  “Well…he has a bit of a reputation.”

“What kind of reputation?”

“One of the other guys said he’s a bit of a player.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.  I don’t know how true it is, though.  Honestly, the guy kind of reminded me of a boy scout.  He was really nice to the staff.  Really polite.”

“Maybe this guy you talked to got it wrong,” Jiyong said.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Seunghyun couldn’t help thinking that Jiyong sounded a smidge too hopeful.

“Or,” Jiyong began, “maybe he just likes sex.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  _I_ like sex.  It’s not like I’ve dated everyone I’ve hooked up with.”

“I’m not trying to warn you off of him,” Soohyuk told him.  “I just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into.  If all you want is sex, then there you go.  But if you want more…”

“I have to make him want it,” Jiyong finished.  “How do I do that?”  He looked around the table, waiting to hear ideas.

Seunghyun shrugged when Jiyong looked his way.  Seungho just kept chewing on his toothpick.  It was Soohyuk who said, “I think you should just keep doing what you’re doing.”

Seunghyun snorted into his drink.  “Running the other way any time he sees the guy?  I’m sure that’ll work…”  He and Soohyuk shared a laugh. 

Soohyuk shook his head in amusement.  “No, I meant the part where you guys pretend to be a couple.  You need to act like Jiyong’s the best thing that ever happened to you.  Joowon will see how happy you are dating him, and consciously or not, it’ll make him want to date Jiyong, too.”

“This all seems needlessly complicated,” Seunghyun pointed out.  Honestly, how hard was it just to tell someone you liked them?

But Jiyong was gazing at Soohyuk like he was some kind of sage, like his brain contained all the answers to life’s questions.  “What about me?” he said.  “What should I do?”

“You need to keep him wanting more.  Be nice to him, but not too nice.  Don’t make yourself too available.  Be friendly but aloof.”

“Aloof,” Jiyong repeated.  “I can do that.”

The conversation trailed off, each of them sipping on their drinks while the plan percolated Jiyong’s brain.

Seunghyun’s bottle made a soft thud as he set it back down on the table.  “So…I take it this means we’re not breaking up?”

 

 

On the day of the party, Jiyong started getting ready five hours before they were even supposed to be there.  Seunghyun watched as he paraded outfit after outfit around the dorm, asking everyone for their opinions.  Daesung and Youngbae told him he looked nice each time, even after the seventh outfit when Jiyong still showed no signs of stopping.  Seungri cackled like mad when Jiyong came out in a pair of hot pink pants and a top hat.

Seunghyun loved fashion, but even his brain was turning into mush.  The next time Jiyong came out, Seunghyun finally just asked him, “What kind of look are you even going for?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” Jiyong moaned.  “Something sexy, but still kind of casual?  I don’t want him to think I’m trying too hard, but I don’t wanna blend in, either.  I want him to _notice_.”  Jiyong’s words grew whinier and whinier the more he talked, lip protruding in a helpless pout.

Seunghyun couldn’t help smiling at him.  “Just…wear something simple.  Something flattering.  Let the focus be on your face.”

Jiyong looked down at his leather vest and leopard print pants, an arsenal of chains slung around his neck.  He sighed.  “Okay.”

Jiyong disappeared again.  He stayed gone much longer this time than between any of the previous wardrobe changes, but when he finally came out, Seunghyun saw that he’d taken his advice to heart.  He wore a pair of slim fitting jeans that hugged his thighs, rips across the front that offered teasing glimpses of his skin, and a simple black shirt that flowed like water over the dip in his waist.  Seunghyun could make out a hint of smokiness around his eyes.

“How about this?” Jiyong said, hands on his hips.  “Will this do?”

All Seunghyun could do was nod.

“Good.  ‘Cause you’re next.”  Jiyong tugged Seunghyun up off the couch and started pulling him to his room.  The rest of the members watched as Jiyong drug him away.

“I think I can dress myself,” Seunghyun said, trailing after him.

“No, you’re my boyfriend now.  That means I get to dress you.  You’re supposed to make me look good, remember?”

Seunghyun didn’t bother arguing.  There was no stopping Jiyong when he was like this.  He just followed along, obedient.

Once they got to Seunghyun’s room, Jiyong tiptoed through the mess to reach the closet where he started thumbing through the hangers, one by one.  Seunghyun stood a couple steps behind him, waiting for Jiyong to decide his fate.  Jiyong hummed while he looked, hip cocked, weighing the merits of various pieces before finally pulling out a pair of jeans and a black button-up shirt.

Seunghyun recognized the jeans as a pair he never wore.  “Those don’t fit,” he said.  “They’re too tight.”

“Are they too tight, or are they just not loose?”

“What’s the difference?”

Jiyong’s smile was equal parts fond and condescending.  “Put ‘em on.  I want to see what they look like.”

Seunghyun shrugged, figuring it wouldn’t hurt anything to indulge him.  He took the clothes from Jiyong’s hands, then waited for him to leave so he could change, but instead of leaving the room, Jiyong merely turned around, presenting Seunghyun with his back.

Seunghyun stood there awkwardly, clothes dangling from his hand.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d changed with another person in the room.  He made a silly face at the back of Jiyong’s head to make sure he wasn’t looking, and when Jiyong didn’t react, Seunghyun figured it was probably safe to go ahead and change.

“No peeking,” he said, a last precaution.

“I’m not gonna peek.”  Seunghyun could sense Jiyong rolling his eyes.  “Hurry up.”

Seunghyun pushed his sweats down over his hips, stepping out of them once they pooled to the floor.  He nearly lost his balance trying to tug on the jeans due to the uneven mess under his feet.  The fast hiss of the zipper seemed overly loud in the room.

Seunghyun checked again to make sure Jiyong wasn’t looking before taking off his t-shirt.  He let it drop to the floor before pulling on the other one, fastening each of the buttons one by one. 

Finally, he was done.  “You can turn around now.”

Jiyong pivoted on his heel, turning around to look Seunghyun over.  His eyes trailed from Seunghyun’s head to his feet and back up again, chewing on the side of his lip in consideration.  “The pants look good.”

That figured.  Seunghyun stretched his legs a bit.  He guessed the jeans weren’t too bad.

Jiyong came in closer, hands reaching up to the collar of Seunghyun’s shirt, nimble fingers undoing the top button and then the one after that.  He pushed the fabric open to reveal the notch in Seunghyun’s collarbone.

Seunghyun yelped, hands darting up to clutch the material back together.  “What are you doing?  I’m practically _naked_.”

Laughing, Jiyong swatted his hands away.  “My boyfriend, remember?  Do as I say.”

“Who would want to be your boyfriend with an attitude like that?  I’m surprised you get anyone to date you.”

Jiyong ignored him, smoothing the collar back out.  He moved on to Seunghyun’s sleeves next, rolling each one halfway up his forearms.

“This is an awful lot of skin,” Seunghyun remarked.

“Hush.  Forearms are sexy.”

Jiyong reached up and tousled Seunghyun’s hair a bit, and then he stepped back to survey his handiwork.  Seunghyun looked down at him, waiting for the verdict.

“Something’s missing.”

He waited for Jiyong to tell him what that something was.

“Come here,” Jiyong said, beckoning him to tilt his head down.  Seunghyun followed his summons, leaning down for him.  Jiyong cupped one side of Seunghyun’s neck and made to press his mouth to the other.

Seunghyun jerked back.  “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a hickey.”

“You’re doing _what_?”

“A _hickey_ ,” he repeated, slower this time, as if that somehow cleared things up.

“But _why_?”

“Because,” Jiyong said, “It’s a sign of possession.  And it’ll make Joowon think about sex.”

“Then give yourself one!  I don’t need people thinking sex thoughts about me, I’m too pure.”

Jiyong’s fingertips pressed into the back of Seunghyun’s neck.  “Would you just come here?”

“No way.”  He tried backing away, but Jiyong advanced on him, step for step, tugging at him while Seunghyun craned his head back, fighting the pull.  “Oh god, you’re not gonna piss on me next, are you?”

“ _No_ ,” Jiyong laughed, trying to tug him back down.  To give him a _hickey_ of all things.

“Get back!  Find a new tree to mark.” 

Giggling, Jiyong corralled him all the way over to the bed.  When the back of Seunghyun’s legs hit the mattress, Jiyong gave him a good push, sending him tumbling back.  Seunghyun hit the mattress with a bounce, and then Jiyong was on him, tickling at his ribs and hips, in the hollows of his armpits. 

Seunghyun roared with laughter, squirming this way and that, trying to get away from Jiyong’s devilish fingers.  Jiyong laughed, fingertips racing down Seunghyun’s sides.

The next thing Seunghyun knew, Jiyong swooped in, latching onto the side of his neck.  Jiyong sealed his lips around Seunghyun’s flesh and sucked in _hard_.  Seunghyun let out an unmanly squeak, but Jiyong kept suckling, tongue laving furiously at his conquered spot. 

When he finally pulled back, Jiyong brushed his thumb over the new mark.  It felt tender to the touch.  Jiyong beamed down at him, proud. 

Seunghyun just laid there, sprawled out over his bed, all the fight gone out of him.  “I feel like I just had all my innocence stolen away.”

An airy giggle spilled from Jiyong’s lips.  “I know how to suck.”

“Clearly.  You’re like a fucking _leech_.”

Jiyong laughed again, lip caught between his teeth.  “This way everyone’ll know who you belong to.”

“Couldn’t you have just made me a sign?”

Jiyong grinned.  “Be good or I’ll give you another.”

 

 

Soohyuk laughed at Seunghyun endlessly when he saw the vivid red mark Jiyong had saddled him with.

“What happened?  Have a run in with a vampire?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Most of the crew had crawled out of the woodworks along with a few others Seunghyun only knew through Seungho.  And Joowon, of course.  He’d shown up, just as promised, one of his friends from the movie in tow. 

Seunghyun had watched on, amused, as Jiyong pretended to ignore the guy, not even so much as looking his way.  They didn’t interact whatsoever for the first half of the night.  Instead, Jiyong spent that time glued to Seunghyun’s side on the sofa, playing with Seunghyun’s fingers and toying with his hair.  Seunghyun played the dutiful boyfriend in turn, leaving Jiyong alone only when he’d finished one beer and needed to fetch another.

Sungmin had plopped down next to them at some point, and Jiyong had raised their laced fingers for him to see.  “Aren’t you gonna ask us about this?” Jiyong asked him.

Sungmin’s gaze flicked down to their hands for a brief second.  “What about it?”

“About why we’re _holding hands_?” Jiyong stressed.

“What of it?”

Jiyong rolled his eyes, exasperated.  “We’re pretending to be a couple.”

Sungmin just sort of shrugged.  “Oh.  I didn’t notice.”

Jiyong’s mouth fell open.  “How could you not notice?  We’ve been —” Jiyong stopped.  He pressed his lips into a flat line.  “You know what?  Never mind.  Just don’t blow our cover.”

The pyramid of beer cans on the coffee table grew taller and taller as the night progressed, a string of 90s hip hop anthems the soundtrack to the night. 

Seunghyun was in the kitchen teaching Jiyong how to make a strawberry daiquiri when Joowon finally made his way over.  Joowon had spent much of the evening with Soohyuk and his model friends, those being the people with whom he was already acquainted.  He had a pen in hand when he sidled up next to them.  He smiled at them both, but his attention settled on Jiyong. 

“I brought my own pen this time.”

Jiyong laughed.  “But now I don’t have any paper.”

Joowon tore a paper towel from the roll.  “Then I guess this’ll have to do.”

Seunghyun watched as Jiyong signed his autograph.  Jiyong slid the paper towel over for him to sign next.  Seunghyun did so, along with a message to study hard.

“What are you drinking?” Joowon asked, gesturing at the fresh drink Jiyong was now sipping.

“Strawberry daiquiri,” Jiyong answered.  “It’s really good.  Hyung made it.  You should have him make you one.”  And then Jiyong was strolling off, back out to the main room.  Aloof, Seunghyun remembered, and smirked.

It left him alone in the kitchen with Joowon, things taking a sharp dive into awkward with the way neither of them was saying anything.

Finally, Seunghyun asked him, “Do you want one?  I don’t mind making another.”

Joowon waved him off.  “No, that’s okay.  But thank you.”

Seunghyun nodded.  How long did he have to stand here for it not to be considered rude?

“My sister really likes you, you know.  You’re her favorite.”

Seunghyun nodded again, not really knowing what to say to that. 

Joowon shifted his weight from one foot to another.  He laughed, bringing one hand to rub self-consciously at the back of his neck.  “Um, sorry if this is none of my business, but…are the two of you together?  I asked around a bit, but no one could tell me for sure.”

“Why do you ask?”  Now that Seunghyun was up close, he realized with a small sense of satisfaction that he was the taller of the two.

When Joowon waved two placating hands in front of his chest, Seunghyun realized how gruff he might’ve come off.  He had one of those faces that made him look angry if he wasn’t smiling.

“Sorry,” Joowon said.  “I didn’t mean to step on any toes.  I was just wondering.”

Seunghyun tried to ease his expression into something less harsh.  “Yeah.  We’re together.”  He opened the fridge and pulled out a fresh beer.  “Let me know if you change your mind about that daiquiri.”  With that, he took his leave.

The party forged on, people getting drunker and drunker as the hours passed.  Seunghyun wasn’t sure whose idea it was to play spin the bottle, but it was definitely Jiyong who decided Seunghyun should play, too.  Not everyone joined in, but a nice chunk of them did, all forming a wide circle in the cleared out space on Seungho’s living room floor.  Jiyong pulled Seunghyun down beside him while Joowon took a seat a couple spots down.  The guys far outnumbered the girls, but Seunghyun supposed that was what happened when half of his closest friends were gay.

When it was his turn, Seunghyun gave the bottle a good spin.  It went round and round, circling toward his fate.  He looked from Seungho to Hyunjong to Sungmin and wondered why he’d agreed to play this game again.

The neck of the bottle eased to a halt, pointing straight at Seungho.  Seungho’s eyes glittered.  “Come here, big boy.”

The circle started cheering and catcalling.  Jiyong laughed so hard he fell into Seunghyun’s shoulder.  Seunghyun chuckled, good-natured, and crawled out to claim his prize.  Seungho, the bastard, smirked wider and wider as Seunghyun drew near, enjoying this far too much, and before Seunghyun knew what was happening, Seungho’s hands were on his ears, using them as handles to tug him over and plant a fat smooch right on his lips.  Seungho pulled away with a loud _smack_.

Seunghyun rocked back into his seat, eyes wide.  Jiyong draped helplessly along his side, caught in a fit of giggles.

“I was wrong,” Seunghyun said.  “ _Now_ my innocence is gone.”

Jiyong cackled.

Seungho leered at him.  “Next time I’ll slip you some tongue.”

They went several more rounds.  Seunghyun watched as Sungmin and Kyungil grimaced and kissed using as little of their lips as possible, and then as Soohyuk planted one on one of the girls Sungmin brought along.  Everyone erupted into loud cheers each time the bottle claimed a victim.

Hyunjong was in the middle of his spin when Seunghyun happened to look up and catch sight of Joowon.  Joowon wasn’t looking at the bottle, either.  He was gazing over at Jiyong.  Seunghyun glanced to his side and saw that Jiyong was gazing right back.  What was that about not stepping on any toes?

Jiyong’s turn was next.  He reached out and gave the bottle a whirl, then looked back over at Joowon, smile gone sweet.

Seunghyun’s gut lurched to the side.  He watched as that sweetness grew, their eyes glued to one another, locked in their own little world.  So much for aloof.

The bottle began to slow.

Seunghyun didn’t know why he did it.  He made no conscious decision to.  He just saw where the bottle was headed and reacted.  He reached out and snatched it before it could come to a stop, turning it a half-turn more so it was pointing at himself.

Jiyong looked over at him in surprise while everyone else in the circle started laughing at him.  Seunghyun waggled his eyebrows Jiyong’s way, and Jiyong laughed, nudging at Sungmin on the other side of him, pointing Seunghyun’s way.

Seunghyun heard Soohyuk over the teasing.  “Well?  What are you waiting for?”

Oh, right.  Seunghyun looked back over at Jiyong, at a loss.  He hadn’t planned this far ahead, hadn’t planned anything, really.  He couldn’t explain what he’d been thinking even if he tried.

“Kiss,” someone said, echoed by other voices around the circle.  “Kiss, kiss,” they started to chant, more insistently the longer Seunghyun made them wait.  Jiyong grinned, tongue curling behind his teeth. 

All he had to do was kiss him, right?  No big deal.  Like Jiyong said, Seunghyun was an actor.  It wasn’t like he’d never had to film a kiss scene before.  Besides, he’d already kissed Seungho tonight; this couldn’t possibly be any worse.

“ _Kiss, kiss_ ,” the chant even louder now, flowing over the drumming of eager hands against the floor.  Laughing, Jiyong looked around at everyone in the circle, embarrassed at all the attention.  His eyes returned to Seunghyun.

What the hell, Seunghyun thought, and started leaning in.  The corner of Jiyong’s mouth curled the closer Seunghyun came, but other than that, he remained still, letting Seunghyun come to him. 

Seunghyun closed the distance between them, bit by bit.  Their noses brushed making Jiyong giggle, just a flutter of a sound, a soft exhalation against Seunghyun’s lips.  Seunghyun nearly broke character, too.  It was hard to keep a straight face through this, trying to plant one on his best friend, but _acting_ , he reminded himself, and saw the job done.

Jiyong tilted his chin up in the moment before their lips touched, and Seunghyun pressed the rest of the way in, pushing their lips more fully together, Jiyong’s lower lip pillowing between his own.  Their friends hollered around them, clapping and pounding on the floor, but it sounded far away now, as if on the other side of a door. 

Jiyong’s mouth moved under his, and Seunghyun moved to follow, an exploratory pressure, the gentle meeting and parting of lips.  No different than a girl, Seunghyun thought, which was stupid because lips were lips, so of course it was the same.

It wasn’t until Jiyong made a soft noise in the back of his throat that Seunghyun got the first inkling of how wrong he might’ve been about that.  That it might not be the same at all.  That it might be so very different from anything he’d ever experienced.  The sound was lighter than a moan, sweeter than a sigh, and it ignited a fire in Seunghyun’s blood.  He pushed in harder, insistent, chasing after it.  Jiyong’s mouth gave under his.

Jiyong’s hands had to catch on Seunghyun’s shoulders to keep himself upright, so eager had Seunghyun been to get closer.  Seunghyun’s own hand was clutching at Jiyong’s waist, no memory of how it got there.  His tongue sank into Jiyong’s mouth, and Jiyong opened to him, welcoming him in, caught up in the same frenzied rhythm that had taken hold of Seunghyun, breathing in through his nose when Seunghyun slanted his mouth to the side to kiss him even deeper.

Seunghyun lost himself to it, to the feel of Jiyong’s mouth, the scrape of his teeth, the way his own heartbeats ratcheted together until they were indistinguishable from one another, just one long pulsing buzz.  He felt Jiyong’s fingers curl along his jaw and shivered.

The walls crumbled down around him, everything he’d known, the things he’d taken for granted, all ripped apart.  Ripped apart and stitched back together with Jiyong at the center.  Jiyong, who was now _Jiyong_ , the source of all the chaos firing off inside him.

He panted against Jiyong’s mouth, lost in the wet heat of their kiss, then dove back in, kissing Jiyong impossibly deep.  He felt the tangle of Jiyong’s fingers in his hair and never wanted to stop.

“Get it, Seunghyun!” someone called out.  And from another direction: “Get a room!”

Jiyong broke free, laughing, and Seunghyun stared down at him, dazed.  His breaths came labored and fast.

He blinked a couple times and looked around the room.  Everyone was grinning at him, pointing and laughing, cracking jokes about Seunghyun losing his sexuality down Jiyong’s throat and trying to fish it out with his tongue.  Seunghyun couldn’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed.  He was too shell-shocked by what had just happened.

He looked back over at Jiyong, a tingle shooting through him at the state of Jiyong’s mouth, full and red and thoroughly kissed, bottom lip still glossy with it.  One of the girls grabbed the bottle to take her turn, but Seunghyun barely noticed.  Jiyong’s eyes were shining back at him, and Seunghyun couldn’t look away.

Jiyong leaned forward and Seunghyun’s heart thumped – for a moment, he thought Jiyong meant to kiss him again – but Jiyong bypassed Seunghyun’s lips in favor of his ear.  Their cheeks brushed together as he leaned in.  Had Jiyong’s skin always been this soft?

“You deserve an award for that performance,” Jiyong whispered.

The world ground to a halt, the fog lifting.  The swarm of demented butterflies in Seunghyun’s tummy hardened into a stone.  It sank straight to the bottom of his gut, settling like it meant to stay there.

“Do you think it made him jealous?” Jiyong murmured.

 _Him_.  _Joowon_.  Because that was what this was all _for_.  That was who Jiyong wanted.  Jiyong was already sneaking another look at the guy.

Seunghyun swallowed against the lump in his throat.  He was so fucked.

 

 

 


	4. Self-Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos. I really appreciate it!

 

 

 

The next morning, Seunghyun eased out of sleep, soft sunlight dispersed over his bed, blanketing him in warmth.  His eyes opened slowly, reluctant to open at all, more than happy to stay enveloped in his cocoon all day.  But once they did open, the first thing he saw was a smattering of dark hair, and then the pair of eyes below it, closed gently in sleep, eyelashes fanned against two soft cheeks.

Jiyong was curled up in front of him, arms folded and tucked between them, lips parted over even breaths.  Seunghyun’s first thought wasn’t about how Jiyong got there, it was about his mouth, how soft it looked, how inviting.  How it had yielded to him last night when they’d kissed.

And _then_ Seunghyun wondered how he got there.  He had a brief, panicked moment where he checked to make sure they were both still clothed, and when he saw that they were, he let out a relieved sigh and relaxed back against his pillow. 

His movements must’ve roused Jiyong, though, because his features scrunched in displeasure at having been disturbed.  One eye peeked open.  It snapped back shut under the sun’s rays.  His hand came up to rub at his eyes before finally letting them open all the way.  He blinked at Seunghyun from across the pillow.  “Morning.”

“Morning,” said Seunghyun.  “Did you get lost?”

Jiyong gave him a sleepy smile.  His eyeliner was smudged under his eyes.  “I take it you don’t remember how I got here?  I’m not surprised.  You were wasted.”

Seunghyun felt a sense of unease at that.  Just what the hell had he done?  The last thing he remembered was kissing Jiyong and thinking he was not nearly drunk enough to handle it.  He supposed he’d decided to fix that last part.

“I haven’t seen you drink that much in ages,” Jiyong said.  “I had to drag you home and put you to bed.”

“And then what?  You decided to stay with me?”

“You wouldn’t let me leave!” Jiyong laughed.  “I got you in bed and then you pulled me down with you!  You had your arms and legs wrapped around me like an octopus.  You fell asleep on me like that.”

Seunghyun swallowed, embarrassment rising in his cheeks.  It was starting to come back to him, bits and pieces of last night.  He remembered giggling as Jiyong pushed him down onto his bed, playfully kicking away the blankets each time Jiyong tried to cover him up.  And he remembered watching Jiyong talk to Joowon.  Remembered stumbling over to them and draping himself along Jiyong’s back until Joowon got the message and went away.  Fuck.  He’d made such an ass out of himself.

“Sorry,” Seunghyun mumbled.

But Jiyong just grinned.  “It’s okay.  It was really cute.”

Seunghyun pressed his lips together, feeling awkward in the face of his embarrassment.  Jiyong didn’t dwell on the situation for long, though.  He yawned, stretching his arms over his head, and then he sat up so he could get a look at Seunghyun’s bedside clock.

Jiyong groaned at the time.  “I’m supposed to meet Teddy-hyung at the studio this morning.”

Seunghyun nodded as Jiyong got up, mind still racing with thoughts about how they got here, flitting from this memory to that, unable to settle in any one place.

Jiyong cracked the door open and made to leave, but then he quickly pushed it back shut, turning back to Seunghyun with a wicked smile on his face.  “Seungri’s out there,” he said.

Seunghyun just stared at him, unsure what he was supposed to get out of that.

Jiyong’s grin grew even more devious as he crept over to one of the piles of clothes on Seunghyun’s floor, fishing around for a bit before pulling out a t-shirt.  He held it out in front of himself and gave it a good shake.  He nodded his head once, satisfied, and laid the shirt out on Seunghyun’s bed.

The next thing Seunghyun knew, Jiyong was pulling his own shirt up over his head, folding it neatly before setting it down on the mattress beside Seunghyun’s hip.  Seunghyun stared at the smooth plane of Jiyong’s chest before it was covered back up with Seunghyun’s shirt from the pile.  The shirt was loose on Seunghyun, but it fit like a dress on Jiyong, falling over the tops of his jean-clad thighs.

Jiyong’s hands disappeared underneath the front of it, and after the sound of a zip, he was wiggling out of his jeans, pushing them free of his legs.  He folded them with neat precision before stacking them on top of his discarded shirt, balling his socks there next.

Seunghyun’s eyes trailed over Jiyong’s legs, mouth dry.  He’d seen them a hundred times, seen but never really _looked_.  They were smooth and slender, appearing longer for how slim they were.  They tapered into delicate ankles followed by Jiyong’s feet.

Jiyong craned his head back over his shoulder.  His thighs brushed together, and Seunghyun’s brain nearly short-circuited.

“What do you think?” Jiyong said, pivoting around so Seunghyun could see the back for himself.  “Can you see my underwear?”

“What?” Seunghyun croaked.  His eyes were fixed on the slivered gap between Jiyong’s thighs, the fabric just barely covering his bottom.

“My underwear,” Jiyong repeated.  “Can you see them?  I don’t want him to know I’m wearing any.”

“Who?”

“ _Seungri_ ,” he said, exasperated.  “Are you even paying attention?”

Yeah, Seunghyun thought.  Far too much.  His eyes roved back up to Jiyong’s face, voice heavy in his throat, so heavy he couldn’t push it out, couldn’t make it form words.

Jiyong rolled his eyes.  “I guess you’re not fully awake, yet.  Too bad, this is gonna be funny.”

Seunghyun then watched as Jiyong mussed his hair before heading back to the door, opening it and stepping through it this time.  He sat on his bed, struck dumb, and then a moment later, got up to follow.  He came to a stop in his doorway to watch the scene unfolding in front of him.

Seungri was sitting by himself at the table, having his breakfast.  He watched with wary eyes as Jiyong flitted about the kitchen in nothing but Seunghyun’s shirt, pouring himself a glass of water and scooping out a helping of rice.  Jiyong didn’t sit down, though.  He braced one knee against the seat of a chair and ate while half-standing.

Seungri looked Jiyong over.  “Aren’t you gonna sit?”

“I _can’t_ ,” Jiyong whined.  “I’m too _sore_.”

“Sore?”

Jiyong rubbed one hand over his backside.  “Hyung kept me up all night.  And he’s not exactly _small_.”

Seungri dropped his spoon against the table.  He sputtered, “Why would you tell me that?  I don’t need to know these things!”

Jiyong cackled happily.  He laughed so hard he had to hold himself up using the table.

Jiyong hurried through his last couple bites and dumped his bowl into the sink.  When he made his way back toward his room, he saw Seunghyun standing in the doorway and winked.  Seunghyun’s jaw hung open as Jiyong picked up his folded pile of clothes and slipped away into his own room.

 

 

The first half of Seunghyun’s morning went by in a haze.  He laid in bed staring at the ceiling for hours, caught in an existential crisis.  His mind was filled with thoughts of Jiyong, his legs, his mouth, the way he kissed.  He went back over every memory he had of him, years of friendship, of time spent making music together, time spent just hanging out.  He analyzed it all trying to figure out what had come over him.  Was this new?  Had it always been there?  Had he just been too stupid to notice?

And then the big question: was he gay?

His first instinct was _no_ , he couldn’t be gay.  Because he would’ve figured it out by now, wouldn’t he?  He had lots of gay friends, one of them would’ve _told_ him.  They would’ve done that magic thing they did with Joowon at the club and just _recognized_ it.  Right?

Besides, he liked _girls_.  He’d dated more than one and never had any problems.  He’d even been in love once.  She’d been his world.  They were together for a year, and they’d been happy.

The memory of Jiyong’s mouth against his came unbidden to his mind, along with a chest full of sudden heat.  That kiss had been different than any other kiss Seunghyun had ever had.  Even he had to admit that.  Kisses had always been nice and warm, enjoyable.  But with Jiyong it had been blistering.  Seunghyun had completely lost his head to it.

So…was he gay, then?  Did that make him gay?  Is that what that meant?

Seunghyun’s eyes darted over the ceiling, mind refusing to shut off.

Somehow, all this introspection found him in a huddle on his bed, pouring over a couple of dirty magazines he had stashed under his mattress.  He didn’t reach for them very often, but now he was scanning one of the pages with the eye of a scientist, trying to parse out his own body’s reactions to it.

Was he turned on?  Did he want to have sex with this woman?  What was he feeling right now?

She was beautiful, he knew.  That was plain to see.  She had a narrow waist topped with a set of pert little tits.  But was that what Seunghyun liked?  He frowned.  He tended to be more of a leg man.  He looked down at her legs, her slender legs, smooth and shapely, much like Jiyong’s had been—

Seunghyun shook away his wayward thought.

He looked again.  He liked the arch of her foot, the delicate straps of her heels.  Sexy, he thought.  So…was he straight, then?

He finally decided that the flat pages of a magazine weren’t enough to go off of, a train of thought that somehow ended with him in the maknae’s room, hunting down his porn collection.  Seungri had left the dorm a little while ago, but now he was back, not gone nearly as long as Seunghyun had expected.  He walked in on Seunghyun, elbow deep in his porn stash.

Seunghyun felt himself flush.  Seungri looked back and forth between him and the stack of DVDs he was rifling through.  “Why are you going through my stuff?”  And then, “Is that a hickey?”

Seunghyun’s hand slapped over his throat.  He’d forgotten about that.  He opened his mouth to offer an excuse, for the porn or the hickey, he wasn’t sure, but he shut it again when he couldn’t come up with anything.

Seungri frowned at him.  “I thought you were gay, now.  All my porn has girls.”

Seunghyun’s flush deepened.  He cleared his throat.  “Uh…yeah, I know…Jiyong likes…kinky…”  He winced at the garbled mutterings that spilled out of him.  What the hell was he even _saying_?

Seungri didn’t know, either.  His eyebrows flew up into his hairline.  Seunghyun groaned inside his head.  He needed to get out of here.  He needed to get far, far away, back to the safety of his own room.

He pulled himself back up to his feet so that he towered over Seungri.  “Not a word about this to anyone.”

Seungri stared up at him.  “Who am I gonna tell?  I wanna talk _less_ about my hyungs’ love life, not _more_.”

“Swear it,” he said, poking his finger against the maknae’s chest.

Eyes wide, Seungri nodded. 

As Seunghyun slipped free, Seungri called out, “But Hyung, you do know this stuff’s free on the internet, right?”

Seunghyun didn’t look back.  He hurried into his room and pushed the door shut, pressed his forehead against it and let out a frustrated sigh, pink still high in his cheeks.  How was he this _dumb_?

It took him a while before he fired up his laptop, still smarting from his embarrassing encounter with Seungri, but his feelings of crisis won out over those of embarrassment, and he finally logged on.

He watched porn clips with the same dispassionate eyes he’d used to look at the magazine.  He had to dig a bit since most of the sites were blocked.  The girl moaned and sighed and tossed her head about.  She screamed in pleasure as a guy pounded into her.

Seunghyun watched it all as if through a microscope.  Was this hot?  Did he like this?  Had he liked it before or did he just think that he did?  And if he did like it, was it because of the girl?  Or did he like the way the guy looked moving into her? 

Seunghyun scrubbed his hands over his face.  Why was this so complicated?  Wasn’t he just supposed to _know_?  He was decidedly not hard, but was that because he didn’t like it or just because he was stressing over it so much?  Or was he just watching bad porn?

Maybe he should try watching something with two guys, instead.  His heart slipped into a funny rhythm the moment the thought occurred to him, blood pulsing oddly in his hands, like the rush he got the one and only time he’d shoplifted.  He typed the words “gay” and “porn” into the search bar and felt an illicit trickle slide down his spine.

He got twenty seconds into a vid of a large muscled man hammering away at a smaller, effeminate one before slamming his laptop shut.  Okay, _now_ his innocence was gone.  What the fuck.

Seunghyun groaned.  He set his laptop aside and threw himself back onto his bed.  What the hell was he supposed to do now?  He felt like he was no closer to figuring this out, and he’d been at it all day.

He finally decided to fall back onto old faithful.  Lee Hyori.  The sexiest woman he’d seen in his life.  He hooked an arm over his eyes to block out the sun and imagined her.  He thought of her eyes, sultry and coy, the definition in her thighs.  The seductiveness of her lips.

He imagined her coming to him in a short slip of a dress, sighing his name, nuzzling under his jaw.  His hand crept down to his fly, popping it open so he could ease himself out.  He stroked himself to hardness with thoughts of her in his mind, the way she moved, the tumble of her hair.

He imagined her in his room, legs for days, only it wasn’t her legs he was seeing anymore, it was Jiyong’s.  Jiyong’s from this morning, dressed in Seunghyun’s borrowed shirt.  Seunghyun squeezed his eyes shut, willing the image away, willing Hyori’s back, but he couldn’t hold it.  The moment his concentration wavered, Jiyong was there, with his legs and his eyes and his _mouth_.  That same mouth Seunghyun had lost himself to last night.  The one that whispered brazen things like, _Act like you wanna take me home and fuck me_.

Seunghyun shuddered.  He thought of it again, the image he’d conjured up when they’d danced, Jiyong pinned beneath him, only this time with a cock in him.  _Seunghyun’s_ cock, pushing into Jiyong’s heat…

Seunghyun jerked and came all over his stomach.  His chest heaved up and down, a tremor rippling through him.  Fuck.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Seunghyun took a shower after that.  To wash all the evidence away.  He toweled himself off, eyes catching on his reflection in the mirror.  His face was his own, but it was also that of a stranger.  Gay or straight?  Maybe bi?

Maybe there was nothing to fret over.  Maybe all this acting just had him confused.  He wouldn’t be the first person who was overly affected by a role.

Seunghyun put on a clean pair of pajama pants and a hoodie before coming back out.  Youngbae was waiting for him out in the hall, Seungri and Daesung watching on from the kitchen. 

“There’s a mess in the living room,” Youngbae said. 

Seunghyun looked over at the backpack and jacket he’d left piled next to the couch.  “Okay, I’ll get it later.”

Youngbae huffed.  “Can’t you just pick it up now?”

“I’ll get it later, okay?  I’m busy.” 

He brushed past Youngbae to get to his room.  Behind him, he heard Seungri murmur, “Just have Jiyong-hyung tell him when he gets home.  He’ll do it then.”

Seunghyun stopped dead in his tracks, hand suspended over the doorknob.  The words hit him hard, as well as the meaning that came along with them.  _Have Jiyong tell him.  Because Seunghyun would do it if Jiyong were the one to ask_.

Seunghyun’s hand closed around the knob.  He floated into his room and sank down on his bed, the truth of Seungri’s words drilling deep inside him and coloring everything they touched.  Seunghyun _did_ do everything Jiyong asked him.  He let Jiyong dress him up and parade him about, let him boss him around whenever he pleased.  Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time Jiyong had even reached for his wallet when they went out.  He’d told himself before that he always paid for Jiyong because he was older, the hyung, but he hardly did that for any of his other dongsaengs.

Oh god, Seunghyun wasn’t Jiyong’s _fake_ boyfriend.  He was his _real_ boyfriend.  His sexless, whipped _boyfriend._   How did this happen?  And why hadn’t he noticed?    

Seunghyun spent the rest of the day with his head in his hands trying to come to terms with this new awareness of his best friend.  It set his gut to roiling, the uncertainty of it, how imbalanced it made him feel. 

He was still sitting like that when he heard the knock on the door.

“Come in,” he said.

The door opened, and Jiyong peeked in.  “Are you busy?”  He didn’t wait for Seunghyun to answer.  He just bound right in.

Jiyong plopped down on the bed and scooted back to sit beside him, both of their backs supported by the wall.  He handed Seunghyun a jewel case with a CD inside.  “I brought you a cut of what Teddy-hyung and I have been working on.  I wanted some input.”

Seunghyun took the CD from Jiyong’s hands.  He stared down at it for a long while.  It said T.O.P in black permanent marker, surrounded by doodles of hearts and music notes and a microphone along the bottom.  Seunghyun swallowed.  He looked back over at Jiyong, and it was like all the pieces he’d been fretting over just…came together.  They all slotted into place.  Easily.  Effortlessly.  Seunghyun was lost, and then he was found.

A sort of calm fell over him.  Gay, straight.  He didn’t know.  Nor did he care, anymore.  Instead, he concentrated on what he _did_ know.  He liked Jiyong.  He _wanted_ him.  The pull felt even stronger now that Jiyong was sitting in front of him.

Seunghyun relaxed against the wall, tension bleeding out of him now that he had his answers.  “Thanks,” he said, gesturing at the CD.  “I’ll listen to it later.”

Jiyong kicked his foot against the mattress.  “Sounds good.”

“And thanks again for putting up with me last night.  Sounds like I was a handful.”

Jiyong smiled at him, and the room grew just that little bit brighter.  “I told you, it was cute.  I had fun.”  And then, “Oh, I didn’t get a chance to tell you, yet, but last night was a success!  Joowon and I are going shopping.  Okay, Soohyuk’s coming, too.  But still.  We have plans to hang out.”

All of Seunghyun’s beautiful realizations soured on his tongue.  He’d forgotten about Joowon, forgotten that just because he’d had an epiphany didn’t mean Jiyong had had one, too.  The calm he’d felt constricted inside him, crushing in on his heart.  He had a hard time swallowing.  “That’s good,” he said.  “It’s what you wanted.”

Jiyong nodded, absently.

Seunghyun looked down at his lap.  He looked over the CD in his hand and wondered what was so great about this guy.  “So you never told me.  Why do you like him so much?”

Jiyong pressed his lips together.  His cheeks turned a pretty pink.  “You’ll make fun of me.”

“No, I won’t.  Tell me.”

A tiny smile slowly broke free.  “Fine.  Wait here.”

Jiyong rolled off the bed and headed out the door.  Seunghyun heard him rustling around in his room on the other side of the wall.  When he came back, he had a magazine in hand.  He scrambled back up beside Seunghyun and flipped open to a random page.

“I’d seen him around a bit,” Jiyong said, sifting through the pages, “but I wasn’t really interested in him until I saw this.”

Jiyong finally landed on a two-page spread, Joowon reclined on a bed of sand in nothing but a low slung speedo, abs rippled like a washboard. 

Seunghyun stared at the picture.  “ _This_ is why you like him?”  Was Jiyong really that shallow?

Jiyong giggled.  “ _No_.  I mean, yeah, okay, he has a great body, but I meant the interview.  Look,” Jiyong thumbed to the next page, “See?  He says he’s really into music, and he likes to travel.  _I_ like music.   _I_ like to travel.  And his favorite movie is _Titanic_ so we have that in common.”

Seunghyun brows furrowed.  “I didn’t know your favorite movie was _Titanic_.”

“Oh, it’s not.  But it has Leo in it so it’s close enough.”

Seunghyun boggled at that logic.  “Okay, then.”  His eyes scrolled the pages, skimming over Joowon’s answers.  It said family was really important to him, that he loved dogs and kids.  And he enjoyed being outdoors, riding his bike in his free time.  There was a shot of him building a sandcastle with a little girl that Jiyong had probably went crazy over.

Seunghyun raised one eyebrow at him.  “Why don’t you just date Youngbae?”

Jiyong snorted out a giggle.  “I like tall men.  And it helps if they actually want to have sex with me.”

Sex.  With Jiyong.  The idea sat inside him like an exposed wire, the current buzzing through him any time he brushed against it. 

“Oh, and he likes going to the beach!” Jiyong pointed out.  Seunghyun scanned down to Jiyong’s fingertip and found where Joowon was gushing about the ocean.  “We can go to the beach together,” Jiyong said, excitedly.

Seunghyun looked down at his own covered arms and frowned.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d went to the beach.  He went if a CF required it, but that was pretty much it.  He tugged self-consciously at the cuff of his sleeve.

When Seunghyun went a while without saying anything, Jiyong let out a little laugh.  “I know it must sound stupid.  Liking someone because of a magazine article.”  Jiyong shrugged.  “He just seemed fun, that’s all.”

Fun.  Seunghyun was fun.  He and Jiyong had fun all the time.  He was always making Jiyong laugh.  Why didn’t Jiyong like _him_?  Was it the bike thing?  What kind of crazy person exercised for _enjoyment_ , anyway? 

He didn’t want to talk about this anymore.  He didn’t want to see Joowon’s perfect abs or his perfect smile.  He didn’t want to see how animated Jiyong got when he talked about him.

He closed the magazine and pushed it back Jiyong’s way.  Jiyong held it in his lap, fingers curling around the edge.

“So,” Jiyong began after a while, “I was talking to Teddy-hyung today, and I realized we never came up with a cover story.”

“A cover story?”

“Yeah, like if Joowon asks about us, what do we say?  How did we get together?  _When_ did we get together?  We need to get our stories straight.”

“Oh.  What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Jiyong hummed, considering.  “We spend a lot of time in the studio together.  We could say we were there by ourselves one night and one thing lead to another…or maybe we got drunk and fooled around at a party?”

Seunghyun listened as Jiyong came up with all these ideas for how they got together.  All the ways it could’ve happened, but didn’t.  The scenarios got more detailed the longer Jiyong talked until he was plotting out who said what and which outfit he’d been wearing at the time.

Seunghyun gazed over at Jiyong, eyes softening at the delicate way he moved his hands.  “Or maybe one day it just hit me that you’re supposed to be with me.”

Jiyong stopped midsentence, hands floating to a halt.  His eyes fell on Seunghyun.  Seunghyun gazed right back.

And then Jiyong laughed.  “Maybe you should just leave the story to me.”

Seunghyun looked back down at his lap, his chuckle deep and hollow.  “Yeah.  You’re probably right.”

 

 

 


	5. Duets

 

 

 

Sitting at home while Jiyong was out with Joowon was torture.  Granted, Soohyuk was with them, but still.  Who knew what they were getting up to?  Flirting, for sure.  And more of those sickeningly sweet smiles.  Joowon didn’t have any qualms about showing his interest when Seunghyun was there so he could only imagine how much more blatant the guy would be when Seunghyun wasn’t.

Seunghyun shoved one hand through his hair.  Jiyong hadn’t even been gone an hour yet, and he was already going crazy.

He’d tried watching TV and making himself a snack, but his attention kept slipping back to Jiyong and how he was spending the day with Joowon.  They were out shopping, right now.  Probably trying on clothes.  Was Jiyong picking out stuff for Joowon the same way he’d done for Seunghyun the other night?  Was he adjusting Joowon’s sleeves?  Unbuttoning his top button?

Seunghyun shook away the thought.  He didn’t want to think about that.

He thought about texting Jiyong.  Something cute, or maybe just funny.  Like: _try not to let his smile blind you, you need your eyesight._   Or: _try not to drool all over his abs, it’s unsanitary._

But what he wound up typing into the text box was: _please don’t cheat on me_. 

His fingers raced to delete it before it could accidentally send.  He groaned and tossed his phone aside.  Pathetic.

Not for the first time, Seunghyun wondered what made Joowon so special.  Sure, he was good-looking, in that generic pretty boy way that the women of their country went crazy over.  And okay, even Seunghyun had to admit that the guy was fit.  But Jiyong had said that Seunghyun was hotter. 

His chest puffed up at the idea of Jiyong preferring him over Joowon, but it deflated again when he remembered Jiyong’s follow up comments about his personality.  About his messiness, more specifically.  It had been a throwaway joke, but still.  Jiyong had named it as one of Seunghyun’s flaws.

Seunghyun peered around his room, at the mountains of clothes piled in every corner, the carpet of dirty jeans and hoodies and castoff lyrics.  He’d let it get so bad, the very idea of tackling it was daunting.  But Jiyong was always bitching at him to do something about it, so…

Seunghyun rolled up his sleeves and got to work.

He carted load after load to the wash, and on his way back through, he scooped up the things he’d left in the living room.  Youngbae and Daesung stared at him in varying degrees of surprise.

“What’s gotten into him?” Daesung whispered.

Youngbae stared, brows raised.  “No idea.  Maybe he’s sick.”

Seunghyun ignored them, resuming his mission.  He threw out two full bags of trash and dusted around each of his figurines.  As his clothes dried, he hung them up and folded them away.  Jiyong would be proud.

He was smoothing out the corners of his bed when Jiyong got home.  Jiyong stopped in front of Seunghyun’s open doorway, arms weighed down with bags.

“ _Wow_ ,” Jiyong said, scanning over Seunghyun’s newly pristine room.  “Someone’s been busy.”

Seunghyun grinned at Jiyong’s reaction.  “Who has the better personality _now_?  Look, I even hung up my t-shirts.”

Jiyong stepped into the room to get a look at his closet.  “Amazing.”

Seunghyun felt a disproportionate amount of pride in the face of Jiyong’s approval.

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Jiyong said.  He struggled to readjust one of the bags that was slipping.  “Hang on, let me go put these down.”

Seunghyun stepped in to take the bags off his hands.  “Here, I got it.”  He scooped up each of the handles and carried them to Jiyong’s room.

“Thanks,” Jiyong said, following after him.  “You can just put them on the bed.  I’ll take care of it later.”

“Are you sure?  I can hang them up if you want.  I’m kind of a pro, now.”

Jiyong laughed.  “It’s okay.  I think you’ve worked hard enough for one day.”

They went back to Seunghyun’s room and plopped down on his bed.  Jiyong stared around again, seemingly in awe.  “I’d ask you how your day went, but I’m pretty sure I already know.”

Seunghyun chuckled.  He could see his carpet, now.  He’d forgotten its exact shade of white.

Jiyong’s nose crinkled up.  “It smells like cologne in here.”

Seunghyun smiled, sheepish.  “I didn’t have any air freshener.”

“I like it.  It smells like you.”

Seunghyun nodded, the two of them falling into a companionable silence.  He looked around his room again and decided he’d have to bring the vacuum in later.

It wasn’t long before the calm between them gave way to Seunghyun’s earlier anxiety.  Jiyong had yet to mention anything about his own day, and Seunghyun’s palms started to itch with restlessness, caught between the masochistic need for details and his own sense of self-preservation.

Curiosity won out.  “So…how did it go?”

Jiyong turned to him and smiled.  “It was good!”

“That’s it?  Good?  Don’t you want to gush about his hair or something?”

Jiyong giggled, mouth against the back of his hand.  “Sorry, but I don’t know what else to say.  We just went shopping.  I think I need to learn a thing or two about cars because I had no idea what he was talking about most of the day.”

Seunghyun’s smile came more easily now, hearing that they weren’t a complete match made in heaven.  Jiyong only liked cars up to the point where they made him look cool.  He tended to lose interest after that.

“Did he at least carry your bags for you?” Seunghyun asked.

“No?”

He scoffed.  “Amateur.”

Jiyong poked at the dimple in Seunghyun’s cheek, cooing, “Not everyone can be as good of a boyfriend as you.”

Seunghyun nodded along, eyes closed, acknowledging Jiyong’s words as fact.  “It’s true,” he boasted.  “I’m on another level.  You know, most people try to move up in the world, not down.  I think there’s something wrong with you.” 

Jiyong laughed, collapsing over on the bed.  “You’re so full of yourself.”

If only that were true, Seunghyun thought.  This would be a lot easier if he felt even remotely confident right now.

Jiyong sat back up.  “We’re meeting up again for dinner.  I just came by to drop off my bags first.”

Seunghyun’s smile grew tight.  “Just you and Joowon?”

Jiyong shook his head.  “Soohyuk’s picking up Seungho.  And I thought I’d see if you wanted to come.” 

Right.  Jiyong probably wanted his “boyfriend” to help make Joowon jealous.  Seunghyun wasn’t sure what was worse, sitting at home by himself while Jiyong was out with another guy or seeing them together firsthand.  Although, people said knowing was better than not knowing, right?

“Yeah,” he agreed, throat laden.  “I’ll come.”

 

 

Soohyuk and Seungho were already sitting at a table when Seunghyun and Jiyong arrived.

“Joowon’s running late,” Soohyuk told them.

Seungho watched as the two of them took their seats.  “So how’s the relationship coming?”

“ _Terrible_ ,” Seunghyun joked.  “He keeps trying to cheat on me.”

Jiyong laughed and slapped at his shoulder, and then his hands settled back over his thighs, rubbing over them anxiously.  “I’m nervous,” he said.  “I felt like such an idiot today.  I couldn’t figure out anything to say.”

Soohyuk’s lips curled around the rim of his water glass.  “Tell me about it.  You barely said a word.  I’m not sure who the third wheel was, me or you.”

Jiyong hung his head.  “I didn’t know what to _say_.  He kept talking about American sports cars!  And what’s a Shelby anyway?”

Seungho raised his hand to signal their waiter.  “What you need is a drink.  Calm your nerves.” 

Seunghyun watched, dubious, as Seungho ordered them a round of soju.  “Soju?  Really?  He can barely handle a wine cooler.”

Jiyong gave an indignant yelp.  “Yah.  I can hold my drink.”

Seunghyun snickered.  “If you mean hold it in a glass, then sure.”

Jiyong rolled his eyes.  As soon as the waiter brought their drinks out, Jiyong snatched his off of the table and tossed it back.  He looked over at Seunghyun, smug.  “See?”

Soohyuk let out a low whistle. 

Seunghyun’s mouth hung open, and then he started laughing.  “Are you crazy?  Do you have any idea how much alcohol was in that?”

Jiyong shrugged like it was no big thing.  Seunghyun sat back in his seat and waited for the inevitable fallout.  It didn’t take long.

Jiyong was half-sloshed and grinning like a loon by the time Joowon arrived.  Jiyong noticed him before anyone else.  “Hi!” he called out, waving his arm high in the air to signal him over, prompting stares from all the other patrons in the room.  “We’re over here!”

Seunghyun caught Jiyong’s hand and pushed it back down into his lap.  “You can stop now.  I’m pretty sure he heard you.”

Joowon made his way over, all smiles.  “Hey, guys.  Sorry I’m late.  I had to drop off my sister.”  He sat down in the empty chair on the other side of Jiyong, and Jiyong turned ever so slightly in his chair to face him. 

Seunghyun frowned at his new view of the back of Jiyong’s head.  He hated this already, feeling like the interloper among his own group of friends.  Why did he come?  He should’ve stayed home.

“ _Oh_ ,” Jiyong sat up straighter.  “That shirt looks good on you!”  He slapped at Seunghyun’s thigh, calling for his attention.  “Doesn’t it look good on him?  I picked it out!”

Seunghyun’s eyes narrowed in on the soft charcoal shirt Joowon was wearing.  He remembered all the horrible thoughts he’d had of Jiyong and Joowon shopping together, of Jiyong laughing and helping him dress.  Seeing the reality of it was so much worse.  He’d been wrong.  Knowing wasn’t better.  It ached when he tried to breathe.

It wasn’t long before the waiter brought out their food, an array of side dishes along with a couple heaping plates of raw meat for them to grill.

It was at that point that Seunghyun remembered Joowon’s age.  A year younger than Jiyong, from what he’d been told.  “Joowon’s the youngest, right?  So he can grill.”

He said it as a joke, one born out of pettiness and a need to reclaim Jiyong’s attention with a story from their shared history, of Hyunseung and Seungri facing off over who should grill the meat.  The joke worked a little too well.  Jiyong burst out laughing as soon as he heard it, fist pounding against the table like it was the greatest thing he’d ever heard. 

Joowon stared at the pair of them, bewildered.  “I guess I can?”

Jiyong swayed into Seunghyun, smooshing his laughing face against his shoulder.  Joowon looked around the table, at a loss. 

Seungho pointed at Jiyong and mimed knocking back a few drinks.  Soohyuk didn’t bother with discretion, announcing happily, “He’s _drunk_.”

Jiyong fanned the side of his face with his hand.  “Who is?”

Soohyuk hooked his thumb toward Seungho.  “This guy.” 

Seungho threw him a wave, and Jiyong nodded like that made perfect sense.  “You shouldn’t drink so much,” Jiyong scolded, slurring.  “If you can’t handle it.”

Seunghyun looked over at Joowon, who was watching the happenings at the table as if it were a scene from a sitcom.  He said to him, “I was kidding about the meat, by the way.  It’s just something from when we were trainees.  You had to have been there.”

“Ah,” Joowon nodded, accepting.  “What was it like, being a trainee?”  He offered up a hapless smile.  “I tried auditioning for SM when I was younger, but I didn’t make it.”

“Grueling,” Seunghyun answered.  “What did you audition for?”

Joowon’s laugh came with an added side of embarrassment.  “Singing.  I don’t remember why, though.  I wasn’t very good.”

Jiyong nodded at Seunghyun, eyes wide and eager.  “I _told_ you.  He likes _music_.”  He might as well have seized hold of Seunghyun’s gut and _twisted_.  Music was _their_ thing, the glue that held them together, their shared dream.  First the shirt and now this?  Was nothing sacred?

That was how the entire meal went, with Seunghyun feeling pettier and pettier the more Joowon spoke, the more he smiled, the more _Jiyong_ smiled, all the goodness inside him turning into bitter black sludge.

Soohyuk asked Joowon question after question while Jiyong gazed at him dopily, chin propped up on his hand, elbow on the table.  Seunghyun was pretty sure Jiyong wasn’t even listening anymore, too drunk to piece together Joowon’s words even if he tried.  It looked like Jiyong was just…watching him, eyes trained in on his mouth.  Seunghyun slumped down in his seat and sulked.

Seunghyun learned that Joowon liked to dote on his sister, that they were incredibly close.  She was fourteen and crazy smart, and Joowon spent all his extra money helping his family pay for her tuition so that one day she could be a doctor.

It annoyed Seunghyun, how cloyingly perfect Joowon seemed.  With his perfect smile, and his perfect haircut, and his perfect abs under the perfect shirt Jiyong had picked out for him.

Seunghyun cared about family, too.  Well, he cared about his mom.  She took care of him more than he was able to take care of her, but he did his best.  Wasn’t that worth something?

At some point, they got onto the topic of relationships, and Soohyuk asked Joowon, “I don’t remember this coming up before, but are you seeing anybody right now?”

Joowon laughed, shy at the question, a hand coming up to rub awkwardly over the back of neck.  “What’s with all the questions?  I feel like I’m being interrogated.”

“You’re the new guy.  What did you expect?”

“No,” Joowon answered.  “I’m not seeing anybody.”

Seungho cocked his head to the side.  “Are you seeing a lot of bodies?”

Joowon broke out laughing.  Seunghyun could see the heat rising in his cheeks.  “I wouldn’t put it that way, though I guess I have dated a lot.  It’s not on purpose, though.  I just tend to rush into things.  But you’ll never find the right person unless you look, right?”

Jiyong nodded along, eating it all up, probably daydreaming about being the “right person” who could tame Joowon for good.  Seunghyun had trouble keeping his skepticism off his face.  It all sounded like a bunch of bullshit to him.

By the time they left the restaurant, it was dark outside.  The streetlights had come on over the sidewalk.  Jiyong took three and a half steps before stumbling into Seunghyun, giggling.  Everyone else was nicely buzzed, but Jiyong was well and truly done for.  Seunghyun had barely drank anything at all, figuring he’d already made a big enough ass out of himself the last time he was around Joowon.

Seunghyun caught Jiyong before he could fall.  “This is holding your drink, huh?”

Jiyong giggled some more, swaying in Seunghyun’s arms, and then his eyes caught on something past Seunghyun’s shoulder.  He took off, bounding down the sidewalk like an excitable child.  Seunghyun watched as Jiyong nearly careened into an ice-cream vendor.

“Oppa!” Jiyong called back to him.  “Buy me this!”

Seunghyun shook his head before making his way over, the others following after him.

Joowon fell into step beside him.  It put Seunghyun’s teeth on edge.  “Doesn’t he have his own money?” Joowon asked.

His mouth twisted, wry.  “Yeah, but he prefers mine.”

He let Jiyong pick out whatever he wanted and ordered a vanilla cone for himself.  The others made their selections, as well. 

Seunghyun pulled out his wallet, gesturing between himself and Jiyong.  “We’re together.”

Seungho sidled up right next to him.  Seunghyun shook his head, exasperated, and forked over more money.  “Just put it all on mine.”

Seungho gave him a shit-eating grin as the girl rang them up.  “Have I ever told you how much I enjoy spending time with you?”

“I could tell by the way you kissed me the other night,” Seunghyun replied, retrieving his change.  “Why didn’t you ever tell me you were in love with me?”

Seungho’s eyes gleamed.  “I was going to, but then I saw you making out with Jiyong.  How was supposed to compete with that?”

Seunghyun flushed.  He tucked his wallet back into his pocket, not saying anything.

It wasn’t long before Jiyong was dashing off again, this time to a building lit up with bright florescent lights.  He pushed his nose against the glass.  “Noraebang!”

And that was how Seunghyun found himself on a sofa in a private karaoke room listening to Soohyuk croon Lee Seunggi ballads.  Jiyong sat nestled between Seunghyun and Joowon, knees drawn up to his chest, clapping delicately while Soohyuk soared into high notes that would make a dog wince.  The music wound to a close, and Jiyong burst into applause.

“Thank you, thank you.”  Soohyuk spread his arms and gestured for them to calm themselves, as if Jiyong wasn’t the only one clapping.  “I’ll be happy to take requests.”

Seungho flicked a cigarette butt at Soohyuk’s head.  “I request that you _shut up_.”

Soohyuk ducked out of its way.  “Wonder Girls it is!  I might need some help with this one, though.”

Jiyong’s hand shot up, offering himself up as a volunteer.  And he actually looked _surprised_ when Soohyuk called on him to come sing with him, like he’d won the lottery or something.

Seunghyun leaned over toward Seungho.  “Why are we here again?”

Seungho looked over at him like he wanted to kill him.  “Because you don’t know how to tell your new boyfriend _no."_

Oh.  Right.

Jiyong laughed and giggled throughout their entire duet of “Tell Me,” contributing little more than the choreography during the chorus.  Seunghyun still remembered the day Jiyong had learned it.  He’d spent a good two hours forcing Seungri to practice with him.

Jiyong bowed once the song was over, a full ninety degrees and then some.  He bent over so far he stumbled and nearly landed on his face.  Soohyuk pulled him back up and righted him. 

Joowon clapped from his end of the sofa.  “My sister’s gonna be so jealous.  It’s like seeing a private G-dragon concert.”

And of course, that was when the round of Bigbang songs began.  They’d tried to goad Seunghyun into joining them, but he stayed kicked back right where he was, waving them off.  “No, thanks.  I’m good.”

He and the other members had mostly stopped singing their own songs after the last time they came to one of these.  Youngbae had thrown a fit after Seungri had gotten a higher score than him, far too competitive for his own good.  He’d bitched and moaned about the scoring being off, how there was something wrong with his mic, and wouldn’t shut up about it for a full week.

But by sitting out the song, that left Seunghyun’s parts open.  He didn’t think much of it till “Lies” came on and Joowon took it upon himself to spew out some approximation of Seunghyun’s rap, complete with his signature finger twirl.

Joowon grinned as he pointed.  “This is my sister’s favorite part!”

Jiyong laughed, falling against Joowon’s side, using his shoulder to keep himself propped up.  Joowon beamed down at him, a light touch of his hand to Jiyong’s hip to keep him stable.  It made Seunghyun want to punch in his teeth.

The guy couldn’t even rap, but that didn’t seem to matter to Jiyong.  “You should’ve seen my SM audition,” Joowon laughed.  “It was even _worse_.”

Jiyong grinned at him, and Seunghyun’s heart sank.  Tonight was awful.  More and more, he wished he’d just stayed home.  Bit by bit, he felt like he was being edged out, his role overwritten.  Pretty soon there would be nothing left for him.  He folded further in on himself the more he watched them together, the more he watched Jiyong _smile_.  His heart felt too heavy for his chest.

He’d had enough by the time his friends started in on “Big Boy.”  Something snapped inside him like a rubber band pulled too tight.  “Quit butchering my song!”

Soohyuk and Joowon grinned at him, sheepish.  Soohyuk held out his mic.  “Then show us how it’s done.”

Seunghyun took the mic on instinct, fingers curling around it.  Its weight felt familiar, like an extension of himself, and he figured, what the hell, and brought it up to his lips.

Jiyong was busy swaying to his own drunken beat, but at the first sound of Seunghyun’s voice over the speakers, he whipped around, eyes seeking him out.

Seunghyun lounged back on the sofa as he caught the next verse – “ _If you want MVP, every day with me” –_ and Jiyong scampered over, plopping down right next to him like a kid eager for a bedtime story.  Seunghyun couldn’t stave off his grin, bruised heart healing under the rays of Jiyong’s smile, the tight knot loosening inside him.

The others cheered him on, catcalling any time his voice dipped into a growl, but all he could focus on was Jiyong.  Jiyong, whose eyes were lit up, whose attention Seunghyun finally had. 

By the time Seunghyun reached the final chorus, Jiyong had his legs curled up under him, watching Seunghyun’s mouth as he rapped.  “ _We need a club banger, we need a club banger.”_   Jiyong rocked forward eagerly so Seunghyun tilted the mic toward him so he could do the echo.

The song wound to a close, and Jiyong’s tongue curled behind his teeth.  “T.O.P right here.”

Seunghyun snickered.  “T.O.P right here.”

Jiyong leaned against the back of the sofa, still turned to the side, watching Seunghyun with a smile about his lips.  A new song started playing, but Seunghyun tuned it out.  He shifted in toward Jiyong so both their cheeks were resting against the back cushion, hardly any space between them, but space nonetheless.

Jiyong wasn’t saying anything, just watching, his face a little flushed.  From all the alcohol, Seunghyun noted.

Seunghyun was the one who spoke first.  “I think _I’m_ gonna dump _you_ ,” he murmured.  “You haven’t paid any attention to me all night.”

Jiyong’s smile was slow, like warm honey.  “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”  He slid in closer, and Seunghyun’s heart thumped.  He kept on sliding, right into Seunghyun’s lap, curling up like he belonged there.  “Is this better?”

That single thump turned into a wild fluttering against the inside of his ribcage.  He sniffed.  “It’s a start.”

The corner of Jiyong’s mouth pulled just a hair wider.  “How ‘bout this?” he murmured, nuzzling at the spot just below Seunghyun’s ear.  It hit him then, just how drunk Jiyong was, nothing more than a lush, affections free for whomever happened to wander into his path.

Seunghyun cocked his head to the other side.  “That’s nice, but maybe you should wait till you’re sober.”

Jiyong giggled against Seunghyun’s ear, his nose brushing over the shell of it.  He kept nuzzling, and Seunghyun sucked in a breath at the first touch of Jiyong’s lips.

He was about to pull away when Jiyong did it himself.  There was a frown on his face.  “It’s already _fading_ ,” Jiyong pouted.

“What is?”  It took Seunghyun a minute to realize Jiyong was talking about the hickey.  “No, it’s not.  It’s just dark in here.”

Jiyong’s pout deepened, face scrunching up unhappily, and then he leaned back in.  Seunghyun turned his head toward him, cutting him off.  “What do you think you’re doing?”  It brought their faces close together, too close.

Jiyong ran the pad of his finger over Seunghyun’s throat, right where the mark should be.  “I’m gonna make it dark again.”

“It’s already dark.”

But Jiyong wasn’t listening.  He was leaning back in, lips ghosting over Seunghyun’s neck before pressing fully against it. 

“Don’t you dare,” Seunghyun said.  “Noona’s already gonna scold me when she has to do my makeup tomorrow.  I don’t know how she’s gonna cover this thing up.”

Seunghyun felt the answering giggle flutter over his skin followed by the parting of Jiyong’s lips.  He shivered under the wet touch of Jiyong’s tongue.  “Jiyong,” he warned.

Jiyong’s hand curled around the other side of his neck to make him hold still, not that it was necessary, Seunghyun was paralyzed under Jiyong’s touch.  Seunghyun waited, but the suction never came.  Instead, the press of Jiyong’s mouth reshaped into a slow, lingering kiss.  He pulled away, a teasing glint in his eyes.  “ _Just kidding_ ,” he sang.

Seunghyun blinked a couple times to get his wits about him.  “That’s it, I’m cutting you off.”

Jiyong giggled and cuddled up against him, and then he was off again, flitting around like a butterfly.  Seunghyun slumped back against the couch.

 

 

Jiyong was as drunk as Seunghyun had ever seen him by the time they left the noraebang.  He clung to Seunghyun’s arm, wobbling along, sleepy eyes half-shut against Seunghyun’s shoulder.  The dorm was only a few blocks away, but that might still prove difficult considering the condition Jiyong was in.

Joowon noticed their predicament.  “Do you want some help getting him home?”

Seunghyun would rather tear out his vocal chords than accept Joowon’s help with this.  He shook his head, kneeling down toward the ground.  “Nah, I got him.”  He reached back and patted the side of Jiyong’s knee.  “Come on.  Hop on.”

Jiyong stared at him for a minute while his drunken brain tried to piece together what Seunghyun wanted from him.  When he finally connected the dots, he stumbled in behind Seunghyun and collapsed against his back.

Seunghyun laughed, faltering slightly at the way Jiyong just dropped on him.  “I said _hop_.”

Jiyong kicked up one leg, and Seunghyun figured, good enough.  He caught hold of it and used his grip on it to hoist Jiyong the rest of the way onto his back.  He turned around to see Seungho and Soohyuk watching him, amused.

“We could’ve called you a cab,” Soohyuk said.

Seunghyun shrugged.  “It’s not that far.”  He shifted a bit, hitching Jiyong further up his back so that he had a better hold on him.  “I’m gonna get going.  See you guys later.”

Seunghyun was more than ready to be away from Joowon.

He hadn’t been lying about the distance back to the dorm.  It really wasn’t that far.  But Jiyong wasn’t exactly making the trip easy.  It wasn’t that he was heavy; Jiyong was light enough for a strong gust of wind to knock him over.  No, the problem was that he refused to stay still.  He kept kicking his feet and humming in Seunghyun’s ear, being as big of a nuisance as possible.  He serenaded Seunghyun with another Wonder Girls song before abruptly stopping.

“This is like that scene from that drama,” Jiyong said.

“What drama?”

“All of them.”

Seunghyun snorted.  He kept plodding along.

Jiyong dug his chin into the dip in Seunghyun’s shoulder.  “Now you just have to confess to me.”

Seunghyun tensed, heart giving a sickening lurch.  “What?”

But Jiyong was just nodding happily, oblivious to Seunghyun’s reaction below him.  “That’s what always happens in these things,” he lectured.  “The girl gets _really_ drunk, and the guy confesses to her.  ‘Cause he knows she won’t remember it later.”

Seunghyun’s lips twitched.  His stride smoothed back out once he realized Jiyong was just babbling.  “Are you calling yourself a girl right now?”

Jiyong giggled into the nape of Seunghyun’s neck.  He kicked his feet again.

Seunghyun thought about it.  He thought about coming clean right then.  This thing inside him was so big, big and ever expanding, festering like an open wound.  Maybe it would feel good to get it off his chest.

But before Seunghyun could give it much thought, Jiyong dug his heel into the side of Seunghyun’s thigh, whining, “Does this thing go faster?”

Seunghyun grinned in spite of himself.  “This _thing?_ ”  He hoisted Jiyong back up, adjusting his grip from where he’d slid down a little.

Jiyong snuggled up against his back.  “Never mind.  Take your time.”

Seunghyun finally got them back to the dorm and poured Jiyong into bed.  He really should work out more, he decided.

He went to work on Jiyong’s shoes, tugging them off and letting them fall to the floor with two heavy thuds, and then Jiyong was tugging at his fly, attempting to squirm out of his jeans.  Snickering, Seunghyun lent him a hand, curling his hands around the bottom cuffs and dragging them the rest of the way off.  It left Jiyong in nothing but his shirt and underwear.  Seunghyun forced his eyes up from Jiyong’s legs.

“No sex on the second date,” Jiyong declared, imperiously.

Seunghyun’s mouth quirked in amusement.  “Really?  Is that a rule?”

Jiyong fell back against his pillow, giggling.  He made such an enticing picture, bare legs folding and sliding against one another.  Jiyong caught his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes sparkling with mischief.  “I don’t have any rules,” he said.

Seunghyun’s cheeks puffed up before letting out his breath in a rush.  Probably best not to think about that.  He dropped the jeans he was holding on top of Jiyong’s head.

Jiyong shoved them off, sputtering.  “Oppa!” he scolded.

Seunghyun’s fists clenched.  Best not to think about that, either.  He pulled Jiyong’s blanket out from under him and used it to cover him up.  “Night, Jiyong.”

Jiyong didn’t say anything back.  He just rolled over and planted his nose into his pillow, and then he went still, sprawled face down over his mattress.  Seunghyun smiled and backed toward the door.  He stopped in the doorway, gazing at Jiyong one last time, at the soft mess of his hair, his smooth nape, and then he flicked off the light.

Once Seunghyun was tucked into his own bed, he stared up at his ceiling, letting his eyes adjust to the dark, heart so full it felt like a whole galaxy was whirling away inside him.  He turned to the wall at his side, flattening his palm against it.  Jiyong was right there, close enough to touch if not for the wall.

Seunghyun tapped out the chorus of “We Belong Together,” and grinned at the muddled nonsense Jiyong slapped back at him. 

Close enough.

 

 

 


	6. Surprise

 

 

 

Seunghyun had been right about getting scolded for his hickey.  They had another performance slotted for _Inkigayo_ , and his makeup artist had hemmed and hawed over him, tilting his head to the side and slathering concealer over his throat.

She chided, “Tell whatever girl you’ve taken up with to stay away from your neck next time.  Keep the marks somewhere they won’t be visible.”

“It wasn’t a girl!  It was Jiyong!  And I _tried_ to stop him.”

Jiyong giggled in the chair beside him.  When their noona turned an impressive eyebrow his way, Jiyong’s laughter came to an abrupt stop.  He sat up in his seat and looked straight forward, a child caught misbehaving.

She shook her head in amusement, dabbing at Seunghyun’s throat with setting powder.  “I don’t even wanna know.”

She was still fussing over his mark when Jiyong relaxed back into his seat.  “Speaking of girls, I think I saw the one from last time lingering out in the hall.”

“One from last time?”

Jiyong primped his hair in the mirror.  “Yeah, the one with the legs.”

“Don’t most girls have legs?”

Jiyong turned to the side to check out his profile.  “Do they?  You tell me, you’re the expert.”

“ _Me?"_

Jiyong shrugged.  “Anyways, she’s out there if you want to talk to her.”

Seunghyun barely remembered what she looked like, hadn’t given her a passing thought since she’d left their waiting room, heels clicking as she walked.  “I don’t want to talk to her.”

“Too shy?”

“Not interested,” Seunghyun corrected.

Jiyong caught his eye in the mirror.  “What, already?  You moved on quick.”

“There was nothing to move on from.  She’s not my type.”

Jiyong snorted, focusing his attention back on his hair.  “I think she’s exactly your type.”

Seunghyun was about to retort when the buzz of a cellphone interrupted him.  Jiyong pulled his phone out to check his messages.  “Soohyuk says Joowon and some of the other models they did the shoot with are getting together tonight.  He asked if we wanna go.”

Seunghyun saw it so clearly in his mind, how another evening with Joowon would go.  More smiles, more of Jiyong’s attention on someone other than him.  More of him watching from the sidelines.  “We can’t,” he blurted.

Jiyong paused, fingers poised over the keypad to accept Soohyuk’s invitation.  “Why not?”

“We’re busy,” Seunghyun lied.

“We are?”

Seunghyun’s mind raced to come up with a suitable explanation, something he could say to get himself out of this.  “Yeah, um, we have plans.”

“What plans?  I don’t remember any plans.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s a surprise.”

“A surprise?”

“Yeah _..._ ” Seunghyun said, dragging the word out, trying to stall till he could come up with something.  “For, um…for your birthday.”  His mouth twisted, unsure where that had even come from.  It wasn’t even August.

Jiyong gave him a weird look.  “My birthday’s not for another few months.”

“Yeah, I know, but…” Seunghyun trailed off.  God, why was he so _dumb_?  He finally decided to do what any good liar did after muttering something absurd.  He _committed_.  “Well, you know how I’m really bad at remembering this kind of stuff?  Yeah, so I figured we should probably go ahead and celebrate now while I was thinking about it.  So you don’t yell at me for forgetting later.”

It looked like Jiyong was trying not to laugh.  There were those eyes again, the ones that said Seunghyun was a puppy Jiyong thought he needed to take care of.  “You want to celebrate my birthday now so you won’t get in trouble for it later?” he asked, just to be sure.

Wow, that sounded ridiculous.  Seunghyun nodded.

Jiyong’s laugh streamed out through his nose.  He grinned, shaking his head at how ridiculous Seunghyun was being.  “Okay.  I’ll tell Soohyuk we can’t make it.”

As Jiyong’s fingers tapped out his response, Seunghyun felt relief come over him like a soothing balm – no Joowon tonight.  But then he thought of how he’d accomplished it and froze.  Fuck.  Now he had to come up with a surprise.

 

 

So here was the thing about Seunghyun: once he was in, he was all in.  Once he made up his mind about something, that was it, no turning back.  He had a reputation for being lazy, but when he really wanted something, he narrowed in on it with obsessive focus.  Like when Hyunsuk told him to lose the weight if he wanted a shot at his dreams, Seunghyun had done it, setting up camp in the gym and nearly starving himself on a diet of water and red beans.  And when Hyunsuk had given him a synth as a present, he went three whole days without sleep learning how to use it.

That was how Seunghyun was now with Jiyong.  Now that he’d realized his feelings, it was all he could think about, all he could focus on.  It had completely taken him over.  So when he was trying to figure out what to do for Jiyong’s impromptu surprise, he quickly bypassed all the normal things he might do and tried to come up with something special.

Because this was an opportunity.  He’d have Jiyong all to himself, no other guys, no _Joowon_.  So he should make the most of it.  It seemed so obvious to him now, that he and Jiyong belonged together, that they _fit_.  He just had to make Jiyong see it, too.  If he could just _show_ him…

Jiyong wanted a boyfriend, right?  So Seunghyun would be the best boyfriend he could ask for, so good Jiyong would never want to give him up.

So he thought hard about what he should do.  He thought about it when he was waiting in the wings to go on stage.  He thought about it when he was performing his part, when he flubbed the choreography and had to quickly fall back into step.

He thought about it till the perfect idea finally struck him.

 

 

“Won’t you at least tell me where we’re going?” Jiyong said.  They’d been on this bus for nearly an hour, and just as long on the subway before that.  Seunghyun had yet to give him any hints, though.  All Jiyong knew was the general direction they were traveling, and that was it.

“Nope.”  Seunghyun watched out the window as the scenery passed by, mindful that they didn’t miss their stop.  Jiyong leaned over so he could look out the window, too.  He was close enough for Seunghyun to smell the scent of his shampoo.

Jiyong let out a confused laugh at the signs he saw.  “Are you taking me to the airport?”

“Nope.”

“Come on, at least give me a hint.”

“Nope.”

Jiyong laughed, lips pursing in amusement.  “Is that all you can say?”

“Nope.”

Jiyong huffed and slumped back down in his seat.  He pulled his knees up, resting them against the back of the seat in front of them, shorts riding a little ways up his thighs.  Seunghyun’s gaze slanted toward the teasing glimpse of skin.  He pressed his lips together and looked away.

They rode just a short while longer, made one stop, then another.  The bus pulled up to the curb as Seunghyun tapped Jiyong on the knee.  “We’re here.”

Jiyong sat up in his seat, peering around, trying to figure out where “here” was.  He stood up from his seat slowly, but Seunghyun pressed a gentle touch to the small of his back, ushering him along.  Once they were off the bus, Seunghyun took off down the sidewalk.  Jiyong scurried after him, looking around curiously.

“What are we doing here?” Jiyong asked.

Still, Seunghyun said nothing.  He just kept plodding along.

They walked until their feet hit sand, till the horizon glowed blood orange against the water, till they could smell the salt in the air. 

Seunghyun looked over at Jiyong whose face was bathed in the glow of the sunset.  He whispered softly, “You wanted to go to the beach.”

Jiyong’s mouth fell open.  He looked back out at the ocean, at the waves crashing gently against the shore.  His hair fluttered in the breeze, tendrils glinting in the sun.

And then Jiyong rounded back toward him with a breathtaking smile, bright enough to light the darkest heart, and then he was off, whooping and hollering, kicking up sand as he chased a receding wave.  He hopped a couple times along the way, tugging off his shoes and socks and tossing them over his shoulder, dropping his phone onto his discarded jacket.  Seunghyun watched it all with a smile.

The beach was nearly deserted, the weather too cool to swim comfortably, the day nearing dark.  Jiyong raced up and down the shoreline, squealing when the waves caught up with his toes. 

Seunghyun stayed rooted to the spot, arrested by the sight.  He finally understood those scenes in the movies, the ones Jiyong always went crazy over, when time slowed down and the world narrowed in and all a man could do was watch.  Like Leo spotting Claire Danes for the first time, unable to move, transfixed.

Seunghyun laughed at where his thoughts had taken him.  This was ridiculous.  He’d be spouting sonnets next.

“Hyung!”

Jiyong’s voice called him out of his reverie.  He refocused to see Jiyong hooking an arm through the air, gesturing for Seunghyun to come play with him.

When Seunghyun didn’t immediately come, Jiyong shouted, “It’s my birthday, remember?”

A chuckle bubbled out of him.  That might’ve been his worst idea ever, giving Jiyong another day of condoned bossiness.  Seunghyun trudged along, obeying Jiyong’s summons, sighing even as he smiled.  Jiyong jumped up and down, growing more and more eager the closer Seunghyun came.  Seunghyun extended the trek for as long as he could, just to hear Jiyong’s whines for him to hurry up.

He left his shoes near Jiyong’s jacket, along with his phone and wallet, removed each item carefully, taking his time, taking so much time that Jiyong finally came after him, tugging on his wrist and pulling him toward the meandering line of foam.

The sand squished between his toes.  Jiyong pulled him right to the edge of the water, chasing after a wave till it turned around and chased them back.  Jiyong giggled as they retreated, trying to outrun the water before it could catch them.  They did this again and again, Jiyong’s fingers circled gently around Seunghyun’s wrist.

Jiyong’s mood was infectious.  Seunghyun found himself laughing along with him, a boisterous harmony to Jiyong’s higher giggle.  He yelled when he wasn’t quite fast enough to beat one of the waves, dashing away even as it sloshed over his feet, soaking the bottom of his pants.  Jiyong laughed and pointed his way.

Seunghyun bent over and rested his hands on his knees, panting.  “Running on sand is hard,” he laughed.

Jiyong bounced on the balls of his feet, full of boundless energy, with a smile that would be mocking if it wasn’t so fond.  “Really?  That all you got?”

Seunghyun stayed slumped over, hands braced on his knees.  His breaths came fast and deep. 

When he looked up, he saw the teasing glimmer in Jiyong’s eyes, the amusement in the corner of his mouth, and without warning, he burst forward, a roar tearing out of him, burst forward and hoisted a surprised Jiyong over his shoulder before dashing back toward the waves.  Jiyong shrieked as Seunghyun bellowed a battle cry and carted him off.

Once Seunghyun’s toes hit the water, he picked up his knees as he ran, fighting against the pull of water and sand.  The ocean seeped into his jeans, soaking them up to his knees.  Jiyong struggled in his hold, kicking his feet and slapping at Seunghyun’s back.  “Put me down!”

Seunghyun bent forward so Jiyong was held just over the water.  “You sure?”

Squealing, Jiyong scrambled back up, trying to climb Seunghyun like a tree.  Koala-Jiyong, Seunghyun thought, and laughed.  He held him over the water again, and teased, “Don’t people normally like to swim at the ocean?  We’ve come this far, I’d hate for you to miss out.”

“It’s too cold!”  Jiyong tried to crawl his way back over Seunghyun’s shoulder. 

Chuckling, Seunghyun stepped farther in, far enough to dip in Jiyong’s dangling foot.  Jiyong yelped and pulled it up away from the water.  “Oppa!”

Seunghyun snorted.  “Why am I always your oppa whenever you want something?  It’s always ‘oppa’ this, ‘oppa’ that, till I do what you say.”

Jiyong slid down in Seunghyun’s grip.  His legs wrapped around Seunghyun’s waist, arms tight around his neck, a last-ditch attempt to keep himself out of the water.  He peered down at its rolling surface, wary.  “ _Oppa_ ,” he whined.

“See?”

Jiyong blinked at him, and then his face turned stern.  “Take me back to shore right now,” he ordered.

Seunghyun laughed at how bitchy he sounded, and Jiyong’s stern face faltered.  “I _mean_ it,” he tried again, the effect lost in his own laugh.  “Do it!”

Seunghyun grinned at him, cheeks pulling wide.  They were close enough for Seunghyun to make out each individual fleck in Jiyong’s eyes.

“ _Do_ _it_ ,” Jiyong commanded again, and Seunghyun leaned in and licked his nose.

Jiyong sputtered, jerking back, so fast Seunghyun didn’t have time to adjust to the redistribution of his weight.  He swayed forward, caught a glimpse of Jiyong’s openmouthed horror, and then went toppling into the ocean.

The water enveloped them, inviting them under and welcoming them in.  It was a shock to his system, how cold it was, even with him having stood in it for so long.

“Oh, shit!” he cried, breaking back over the surface.  Jiyong came up too, looking like a drowned kitten, grumpy after a bath.  He wasted no time in climbing right back up Seunghyun, pulling himself back out of the water, teeth chattering.  Seunghyun sniggered.  His hands curled under Jiyong’s thighs to help hold him up.

Jiyong shivered in his arms.  “ _Now_ can we go back?”

Seunghyun turned his head to the side and spat out the leftover salt in his mouth.  “Yeah, okay.”

He waded back to dry land, setting Jiyong down onto his feet once they got there.  Jiyong pulled the front of his shirt away from himself, wringing it out.  He ran his hand through his hair and shook out the excess water.  Seunghyun tried to do the same, but it was pointless with his jeans.  They were soaked and clinging insistently at his legs.

Jiyong poked at Seunghyun’s bicep where his wet shirt molded to fit its shape.  “Are those muscles?”

A grin threatened to spread as Seunghyun batted his hand away.

“So what now?” Jiyong asked, tiny rivulets still streaming down his throat and over his collarbone.  “We didn’t bring any extra clothes.”

Yeah, Seunghyun thought, he probably should’ve considered that when he’d come up with this little outing.  He snickered, “Happy Birthday!”

Jiyong let out a snort, bending over to retrieve his jacket so he could bundle up with it.  “When’s the next bus back?”

Seunghyun hadn’t looked into that either, hadn’t looked into anything really, nothing besides getting Jiyong to the beach.  Nothing besides showing Jiyong that he didn’t need Joowon, that Seunghyun was more than capable of giving him what he wanted.

Jiyong was scrolling through his phone, checking departure times, when he suddenly let out a long-suffering laugh.  “The bus doesn’t stop here anymore tonight.”

Well, damn.  Maybe Seunghyun shouldn’t be in charge of the plans anymore.  Here they were, soaking wet, stranded on the beach.  “We can call a taxi?” he suggested.  “Or we can stay in a hotel?  Go back in the morning?”

Jiyong chewed on his lip, considering.  “If we do that, we can at least dry off.”

 

 

That was how Seunghyun found himself entering a hotel room with Jiyong, the bottoms of his jeans leaving tiny puddles with each step he took.  They both toed off their shoes at the door.

The room was fairly standard, modern accents with just a hint of luxury.  There were two beds separated by a nightstand, a wide flatscreen perched on the dresser that ran along the opposite wall.

As they entered the room, Seunghyun became aware of his own heart beating, heavy thumps against the cage of his ribs.  The room was far too quiet, just the wet swish of their clothes and creek in the floorboard. 

It felt illicit, somehow, being here with Jiyong.  Loaded.  Which was stupid because it was hardly the first time they’d shared a hotel room.  But this time was different.  Seunghyun felt _aware_ now, in a way he hadn’t before.  His eyes traveled to the nearest bed, ominous in the way it filled the room.  He swallowed, looking away.

“We should get out of these clothes so they can dry,” Jiyong said.  “I bet they have robes in the bathroom.”

Seunghyun blinked away his thoughts, ears catching on _get out of these clothes_.  His arms folded instinctively around his middle. 

He watched as Jiyong went into the bathroom, not even bothering to shut the door behind him, pulling off his shirt as he went.  Jiyong wrung it out over the sink and hung it up on the towel rack, and then did the same with his shorts.  Seunghyun had a clear view of the slope of Jiyong’s back, the slight dip it made before curving into his rear.  The sleek backs of his thighs, tiny beads of saltwater trickling down toward his calves.  Jiyong’s underwear rode low on his hips, curving under two pert cheeks.  Seunghyun’s mouth went dry. 

He stood frozen as Jiyong pulled on a bathrobe and toweled at his hair.  Satisfied, Jiyong padded back out.  “All yours,” he said.

It took a moment for those words to sink in, but then he hopped to it, following Jiyong’s example, only with the door shut.  The bottoms of his jeans were caked with sand so he rinsed them off before hanging them up to dry.  His underwear were soaked through.  Seunghyun debated a moment before reluctantly stepping out of them.

Seunghyun felt weird in the bathrobe.  The sleeves were long enough, but his legs felt completely exposed even though it was only his calves that showed.  He could feel the air on his thighs and that was enough to make him uncomfortable. 

He tugged the fabric together at his collarbone where it kept trying to slip open and finally made his way out.  Jiyong was standing by the TV, remote in hand, when Seunghyun shuffled to the nearest bed.  He practically dove under the blanket, covering up his legs.

“That’s my bed,” Jiyong said, hip cocked.

“Not anymore.”  He wasn’t about to expose himself any more than he already had.

“I already claimed it.  It’s right in front of the TV.”

Seunghyun gave a little shrug, not budging.  Jiyong frowned, annoyed at not getting his way, and then came and plopped down next to Seunghyun anyway.  He flicked on the TV.

A moment later he got up and turned off the overhead light, leaving them with the just the bedside lamp and the glow of the television.  Seunghyun expected him to take the other bed when he came back, but he didn’t.  He slid back in next to Seunghyun, this time under the covers.  He adjusted his pillows before reclining back next to him, eyes on whatever show he’d settled on.  Seunghyun tried not to think about how they were both naked under their robes.

“Kisses are so unnatural in dramas,” Jiyong eventually said.  “That’s the only thing I don’t like about them.  Really, who kisses like that?”  He waved his hand toward the TV where a man and woman were attempting to kiss with as little contact between their lips as possible, the women’s eyes wide open like a frightened deer.  “That’s the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen,” Jiyong complained.

“You’re going to have to find some higher rated movies if you want more than that,” Seunghyun said.  “Or something American.”

Jiyong humphed, settling further into his pillow.  They stayed that way for a while, Jiyong watching the TV, Seunghyun watching Jiyong.

Seunghyun’s eyes moved up to the ceiling as he got lost in his thoughts.  Not for the first time, he thought about coming clean, telling Jiyong how he felt and accepting the fallout.  He wondered how Jiyong would react, if he’d be shocked, if he’d be flattered.  If he’d be happy.  If he’d be _unhappy_.

That last one stayed Seunghyun’s hand.  He didn’t want to make things awkward if he didn’t have to, didn’t want to put Jiyong in the position to have to turn him down.  He at least wanted to wait till he had a better idea of what his chances might be.

“So,” Jiyong began, regaining Seunghyun’s attention.  “I heard Seungri caught you trying to steal his porn.”

Seunghyun’s jaw dropped.  That little _shit_.  “I was _not_.”

Jiyong giggled, nodding but not believing.

Seunghyun fumbled for an explanation.  “It was a joke,” he lied.  “Like you with my shirt.”

Jiyong quirked a brow at him.  “You told him the porn was for us?”

Seunghyun nodded.  God, he was gonna kill Seungri.

Jiyong turned back to the TV after a scoff.  “I can’t imagine I’d be interested in any of the stuff he has.”

Seunghyun felt himself growing warm, the same way he always seemed to after making the link between Jiyong and sex.  He wondered what kinds of things Jiyong _was_ interested in. 

He thought again of that morning when Jiyong had worn his shirt to tease Seungri.  Before he thought to bite his tongue, he asked, “Does it really make you that sore?”

Jiyong’s smile was almost lazy.  “What, sex?”

“Yeah.”

Jiyong looked back over at him, wetting his lips with his tongue.  He shifted against the mattress, a subtle arch to his back.  “If you do it right.” 

His voice was downright sinful, and Seunghyun’s brain short-circuited as soon as the sound of it reached his ears.  Jiyong laughed at whatever reaction he saw on Seunghyun’s face.  Seunghyun swallowed heavily, his gaze falling to the gap in Jiyong’s robe, billowed open, exposing one taught nipple.

“Anything else you’re curious about?” Jiyong teased.  “Prep?  Lube?  Rimming?”

“What’s rimming?”

Jiyong’s smile matched his voice.  “It’s when you use your mouth.”

Your mouth?  “Like a blowjob?”

Jiyong’s smile just got wider.  He shook his head, not explaining any further.  Seunghyun got the distinct impression he was missing something obvious.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

“You put your _mouth_ there?  Why would you _do_ that?”

Jiyong burst out laughing.  “Because it feels good?  Why else?”

Seunghyun’s nose wrinkled.  If they ever got together, would Jiyong expect _him_ to—?

Jiyong was still caught up in his laughter, mouth pressed against the back of his hand at Seunghyun’s expression.  “I bet you’d like it,” Jiyong teased.

Seunghyun could hardly imagine doing it, much less liking it.  “Like, is it just with your mouth, or do you use—?”

Jiyong showed him his tongue, waggling it obscenely, and Seunghyun clapped his hand over Jiyong’s face, pushing him and his tongue away.  Jiyong shook him off, snickering.  “ _What?_   It’s almost as good as a blowjob.”  Then he gave Seunghyun a dismissive look.  “Probably better than the ones _you’ve_ had.”

Seunghyun wasn’t sure, but it sounded like an insult.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“No, really.  Are you saying I’ve never had a good blowjob?”

“ _Have_ you?”

He shrugged one shoulder.  “Sure.”

“That’s a _no_.”

“What do you mean, ‘that’s a _no_ ’?  What are you, the authority on blowjobs?”

Jiyong rolled over onto his side, tongue curling behind his teeth.  “I like to think so.”  His eyes flitted from Seunghyun’s face down toward his crotch, and then back up.  “Bet I could do a better job than the girls you’ve had.”

Seunghyun laughed at Jiyong’s boasting, mostly to hide how much the suggestion affected him.  “What makes you so sure?  You don’t even know who all I’ve been with.”

Jiyong waved a negligent hand.  “I have a _dick_.  I know what feels good.”

“Prove it.”  Wow, that just came out.  He’d been rolling along with the momentum of the conversation when the challenge just popped out of him.

He opened his mouth to take it back, to tell him he was just joking, when Jiyong laughed.  “ _Prove_ it?  What, _now_?”

A false sense of bravado came over Seunghyun, forged in the fire he was playing with.  “Sure,” he said, relaxing into his pillow.  “Unless you don’t think you can.  Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are.”

Jiyong sat up, pride struck.  “Not as _good?”_

Seunghyun smirked at how offended he sounded, but then Jiyong’s hand slipped under the covers, and Seunghyun wasn’t smirking anymore.

Jiyong’s hand found the knot that held Seunghyun’s robe together.  “I’ll do it,” he warned.

Seunghyun didn’t believe for a second Jiyong would actually go through with it, but his brain was buzzing with the idea that he _might_.  “Then do it.”

Jiyong tugged at the knot, not enough to undo it, but enough for it to loosen. “You think I’m joking, but I’m not.”

Seunghyun’s blood pounded against his pulse points.  He buried his nervousness in a laugh.  “What are you waiting for?  Let’s see these skills.”

Jiyong bit down on his lip, eyes narrowing.  Seunghyun could practically hear the cogs turning in his brain, plotting his next move since this one wasn’t going his way.  He must’ve expected Seunghyun to back down by now, yet here they were, caught in a game of chicken, Jiyong’s fingers curling along the slack opening of Seunghyun’s robe.

The ball of Jiyong’s hand grazed over Seunghyun’s lap, and Seunghyun felt his cock stir.  He held his breath, wondered if Jiyong had felt it, too.  He couldn’t help picturing it, Jiyong’s mouth, Jiyong’s mouth _on_ him, swallowing him down.  He felt dizzy just thinking about it.  Seunghyun went completely still, waiting to see what Jiyong would do next.

He felt the first brush of Jiyong’s fingertips, feather-soft against the skin of his thigh, the sensitive inner curve.  Jiyong’s hand slid further up, and Seunghyun forgot how to breathe.

And then Jiyong dug his fingers into the soft fleshy part of his thigh, tickling there, and Seunghyun jerked back, laughing.  Jiyong giggled and pulled back altogether, collapsing back against the mattress.

Seunghyun tried not to feel disappointed.  It was stupid, really.  He’d known it was all a joke.  Better he treated it as such.  “Chicken,” he teased, pinching at Jiyong’s cheek.  “I thought you weren’t gonna back down?”

“Shut up,” Jiyong said, batting his hand away.  “I didn’t want to hear you crying later about how I’d _defiled_ you.”

“Just admit it, you’re not nearly as good as you think you are.”

Jiyong folded his hands behind his head.  Haughtily, “I guess you’ll never know.”

The laughter drained out of Seunghyun.  Never.  A thorn inside his brain.  _Never_.  “Yeah, I guess not.”

Moods were a funny thing, how they could shift from playful to hollow with barely a pause.  Jiyong was right next to him, barely a hand’s-breadth away, but to touch him seemed impossible now.  Seunghyun flattened his palm between them and tried not to feel the distance.

Jiyong finally breached it with words.  “Thank you,” he murmured.  “For taking me to the beach.”

Seunghyun replied, matching the quiet tone of Jiyong’s voice, “You’re welcome.  Told you I was a good boyfriend.”

“Keep this up and I just might keep you.”

Seunghyun smiled at him tenderly, a secret on his tongue.  “That’s what I’m counting on.”

 

 

 


	7. Body Language

 

 

 

The ride back from Incheon was tinged with the same sort of ephemeral feeling as the final encore of a concert, the fullness felt in a final bow before the emptiness that came right after.  Precious, but ultimately fleeting.  That was how Seunghyun thought of it, anyway.  The magic of their trip was already fading.  He could feel it slipping away. 

Jiyong was asleep on Seunghyun’s shoulder while the subway rumbled over the tracks.  Passengers came and went, but Seunghyun never budged, so careful was he not to disturb Jiyong from his sleep.  Seunghyun watched as Jiyong dozed, the slight parting of his lips, the occasional flutter of his eyelashes as he dreamt.  He felt the warmth in his own heart grow.

They would be back soon, back to their normal routine, back to the world where Jiyong’s smiles were for someone else, and Seunghyun wanted so much to hold time still, to hold on to this feeling for as long as he could, but it was like trying to hold on to water, the seconds dripping uselessly from his hands.

The swooped collar of Jiyong’s shirt slipped down over his shoulder, and Seunghyun gently tugged it back up.

 

 

The magic didn’t last very much longer at all.  It wasn’t long before Jiyong got his next opportunity to see Joowon, arranged, of course, by Soohyuk.  Seunghyun was about to have words with his friend about sabotaging his failing love life.

Seunghyun sat on the bed while Jiyong went through his newly organized closet trying to plan out Seunghyun’s outfit for the evening.  Jiyong pulled out two very different shirts, one red, one blue, looked them over before discarding them both.

“Why don’t we just stay in tonight?” Seunghyun suggested.  “We can watch movies or something.”

Jiyong snorted.  “Like _Oldboy_ again?  No, thanks.”

“No, something else.  I’ll watch _Romeo + Juliet_ with you.  Or _Titanic_.”  How many hours was that last one again?

Jiyong looked back over his shoulder, lips twitching in amusement.  “Nice try.  You can tear yourself away from the couch for one night.”

Seunghyun pouted.  “I tear myself away all the time.”

Jiyong ignored him, resuming his hunt for a shirt. 

Seunghyun shifted on the bed, sulking.  He plucked at a loose thread on his blanket.  After a few minutes, he said, “What if I take you out to eat instead?  There’s that sushi place we’ve been wanting to try.”

Jiyong finally stopped sifting through the hangers, turning back toward him with a concerned look on his face.  “What’s going on?  Why don’t you want to go?”

Because he’d rather do chores with Youngbae than watch Jiyong with Joowon again.  “Just not feeling it.”

Jiyong crossed the room to sit down next to him on the bed.  He felt at Seunghyun’s forehead.  “Are you sick?”

Seunghyun shook his head, and then immediately wished he hadn’t.  If he would’ve faked being sick, would Jiyong have stayed in to take care of him?

“Then what’s wrong?  There’s free beer there.  You never pass up free beer.”

“I can buy my own beer,” Seunghyun muttered.

Jiyong folded his hands in his lap.  “You don’t have to go if you really don’t want to.  I can go by myself.”

That sounded even worse.  Who knew what would happen if Seunghyun wasn’t there to mediate?  He might lose whatever small, tenuous hold he still had on things.  “No, it’s okay.  I’ll go.”

“Are you sure?  You don’t have to.”

“I’m sure.  I’ll be fine once we get there.”

That seemed to satisfy Jiyong.  His worry faded into a smile as he pulled his legs up on the bed and folded one knee over the other.  “Okay, then.  So I thought we should go over our story again just in case it comes up.  How long have we been together?”

Seunghyun looked out at his figurines on the other side of the room.  “Since middle school.”

“ _No_ ,” Jiyong said, exasperated.  “How long have we been a _couple_?”

“Fine.  High school, then.  It’s not my fault you moved away.”

Jiyong smacked his shoulder, laughing.  “Quit being difficult.”

Seunghyun rolled his eyes, recited, “We’ve been official for six months now.  We got drunk and fooled around some before that, but we didn’t get together until I finally told you I wanted more.”

Jiyong nodded in satisfaction.  “And where did you tell me?”

“In the studio.  We were working on a new song.  You told me you liked my lyrics, and I said they were about you.”

“What song were we working on?”

His brow furrowed at that.  “I don’t know.  I don’t remember you saying?”

Jiyong’s smile told Seunghyun how pleased he was.  “So you _do_ pay attention to me.”

 _You have no idea_ , Seunghyun thought.

“Oh,” Jiyong sat up a little straighter, “and while we’re talking about it, I did have a couple pointers for you.”

“What kind of pointers?”

He saw the slight change come over Jiyong, his leader side stepping in.  It was just like when he was directing the staff before a show, making sure all the details were just as he wanted them.  “You’re too much of a gentleman.”

“I thought being a gentleman was a good thing.”

“It _is_.  Opening doors, carrying my things – that stuff’s all great.”

“But?”  Seunghyun didn’t see what the problem was.

“It’s the way you touch me.”

“The way I _touch_ you?”

“Yeah,” Jiyong nodded.  “You touch me like we’ve never had sex before.”

“Probably because _we haven’t_.”

Jiyong laughed.  “I _know_.  But it’s not supposed to _look_ like it.  It’s like when we were dancing that night.  You kept putting your hands on my waist.  You need to put them lower.”

Seunghyun remembered how Jiyong had repositioned his hands, shifting them from innocent to intimate.  “I guess I just don’t know where the boundaries are.”

“There are no boundaries,” Jiyong said, chewing at his lip.  “You can touch me anywhere you want.”

Seunghyun knew how Jiyong meant it, but his imagination took it another way.  His eyes roved over the slender lines of Jiyong’s body, settling on all the places he’d like to touch.

“Here,” Jiyong said, taking hold of his hand.  “Take this, for example.”  He placed Seunghyun’s hand onto his knee.  Seunghyun’s fingers naturally curled around it.  “This is nice, right?  Comfortable.”  He slid Seunghyun’s hand up so that his fingers dipped into the hollow between his thighs.  “But _this_ …this says I’m yours.  This says you _know_ I’m yours.”

Seunghyun swallowed.  He wanted Jiyong to be his.

Jiyong got up suddenly, taking a stance in the center of the floor.  Seunghyun felt dizzy at how quickly their positions had changed.  “Come here,” Jiyong beckoned.  As always, Seunghyun followed.

Jiyong caught hold of his hands and brought them to his waist.  “This is how you’ve been touching me.”  Then, he slid them lower, down to his hips.  “But this is how you _should_ be touching me.  Be more possessive.”

Seunghyun took in a slow breath, looking down, letting his hands curl experimentally around Jiyong’s hips.  The curved bones melded perfectly to his palms.

“Or you could do this,” Jiyong said, bringing one hand around to the small of his back, tucking it under the hem of his shirt so Seunghyun could brush his thumb against the skin there.  “Or this.”  He guided Seunghyun’s hands down to palm his ass, squeezing over them so that Seunghyun was essentially squeezing, too.  “This says you’re familiar with my body.”

Jiyong removed his hands while Seunghyun let his stay put.  Seunghyun looked down between them, frowning when Jiyong’s hands hung limply at his sides.  “You don’t touch me this way, either.”

“It’s different with you.  You _do_ have boundaries.  I try to respect them.”

Seunghyun shook his head.  “I don’t, though.  Not with you.  You can touch me, too.”

Jiyong was quiet then, studying his face.  A tentative hand reached out to brush against Seunghyun’s abdomen.  His fingers splayed open, palm flattening over Seunghyun’s navel through his shirt.  Jiyong looked up at him as if to ask, _is this okay?_

When Seunghyun didn’t stop him, Jiyong’s hand wandered higher, up over Seunghyun’s heart.  Seunghyun was sure Jiyong must feel it pounding against his palm.  His nipple tightened under the heel of Jiyong’s hand, the scratch of his shirt making it feel even more sensitive. 

“What does this say?” Seunghyun murmured, voice gone low.

Jiyong’s eyes flashed up to his.  “I —”

But whatever he was about to say was lost to the ringing of his phone.  Jiyong pulled back and dug it out, bringing it up to his ear.  “Hey, Soohyuk.  Yeah, we’re almost ready…”

Seunghyun drowned out the rest of the conversation.  Jiyong paced around him while he remained right where he was, a stone.  Possessive, Jiyong had said.  He should be more possessive.  That shouldn’t be hard.  He wanted to rip Joowon’s arms off every time he saw him.

 

 

The party that night was just like any other they’d had at Seungho’s, music a touch too rowdy, cigarette smoke a bit too thick, enough alcohol to make everything seem funnier than it should be.  Seunghyun was well into his fifth beer when Jiyong complained of being hungry.

“I can make you something if you want,” Joowon offered.  “I cook for my sister all the time.”

Seunghyun’s grip on his can tightened as Jiyong left his seat next to him to follow Joowon into the kitchen.  He watched as Jiyong and Joowon started going through the cupboards together.  Did Jiyong want someone who could cook?  Did Seunghyun need to learn how to do that next?

He was startled away from his thoughts when Sungmin bumped the coffee table with his knee and sent their beer pyramid scattering across the floor.

“You know,” Seungho said, a stray can rolling into the corner, “somebody better be planning on staying to help me clean up this time.”

Soohyuk and Sungmin looked elsewhere around the room, trying to appear inconspicuous.  A beat later, Seunghyun realized he should probably do that too, except his eyes were drilled into Jiyong and Joowon like lasers.  He couldn’t seem to tear them away.

“I nominate Seunghyun-hyung,” Soohyuk said.  “Jiyong said he’s gotten really good at cleaning lately.”

“Sure, whatever,” Seunghyun replied, distracted.  He couldn’t see Jiyong’s face right now, but he could tell he was smiling from the way his hand fluttered along Joowon’s arm.  Seunghyun turned up his can and downed the rest of it.  The alcohol buzzed in his veins, but his vision stayed clear.

Sungmin followed his gaze.  “You’re so much nicer than I am.  I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“Play the fool like this.”

The wheels inside Seunghyun’s brain screeched to a halt.  His eyes tore away from Jiyong easily now, landing on Sungmin instead.  “What are you talking about?”

“You know, this fake thing you have going on right now.  Playing Jiyong’s lapdog while he’s busy trying to bone someone else.”  Sungmin laughed.  “Joowon must think you’re such a chump.”

Seunghyun saw Soohyuk give Sungmin a chastising smack as he looked back toward the kitchen with new eyes.  A chump?  Was that what he was?  Was that how Joowon saw him?

Joowon had never shied from flirting with Jiyong in Seunghyun’s presence, probably because Jiyong had never shied from flirting with him either.  Joowon had never seen Seunghyun as any kind of impediment because Jiyong had never made him one.  Everything about Jiyong invited Joowon in, whether Seunghyun was there or not.

It sent his gut roiling.  He didn’t want to be a chump, didn’t want Joowon to see him as some sad fool who couldn’t keep his boyfriend from straying. 

He saw Jiyong turn around, laughing, holding up a tiny square foil.  “Why is there a condom in your rice cooker?” he called out.

Seungho answered, deadpan, “You never know when the urge might hit you.”

Seunghyun watched as Joowon took the condom from Jiyong, murmuring something in his ear that made Jiyong giggle.  Fuck this, Seunghyun thought.  He was nobody’s fool.

He stood up from the sofa and strode straight into the kitchen.  Jiyong wanted possessive, right?  He was about to get it.

Jiyong squealed as Seunghyun threw him over his shoulder.  “Hyung!”

Seunghyun swatted him on the butt before plucking the foil right from Joowon’s fingers.  “The urge hit me," he said, tossing him a wink before turning around and carting Jiyong off, his dongsaeng hanging over his shoulder, speechless.

Once he got to Seungho’s room, Seunghyun kicked the door shut behind him and set Jiyong down.  This was as far as his impulsive idea had taken him.  He hadn’t thought any further than getting Jiyong away from Joowon and hopefully winning back a little of his pride.

“You brute,” Jiyong said, though he didn’t sound at all displeased by it. 

“You told me to act more possessive," he said, tossing the condom onto Seungho's dresser.

Jiyong grinned, shaking his head.  He padded farther into the room, turning around and plopping down on Seungho’s mattress.  He lay back, folding his hands behind his head.  “I guess we’re stuck here for a bit since we’re supposed to be having sex right now.”  And then Jiyong got this thoughtful look.  “Although,” he began, “I bet I could get you off pretty fast.”

It was meant as a boast of his own skills and not a slight against Seunghyun’s, but Seunghyun’s pride was already smarting enough.  He took the spot next to Jiyong, crossed his arms over his chest, and sulked, “We’re gonna stay in here a _long_ time.”

Jiyong giggled at his sulking, turning over and rolling into him, propping his head up over his bent elbow.  “I’m not saying you’d be bad.  I’m saying I know a trick or two that might,” a quick glance down, “speed the process along.”

Seunghyun felt the flush rising in him.  He tried to hold it back.  “We’ve been over this already.  Unless you’re willing to go through with it this time, I call bullshit.”

Jiyong’s smile was slow this time, curling about his lips, with none of the defensiveness that came with it last night.  “Whatever you say, Hyung.”

Seunghyun looked away, awkward under the look Jiyong was giving him.  He cleared his throat.  “So what are we supposed to do in the meantime?”  He chanced a look Jiyong’s way and saw that he was still watching him with that same little smirk.

“Probably make this a little more believable,” Jiyong said, and then started shifting against the mattress in a steady rhythm that made the bed creak and the headboard tap lightly against the wall.

Seunghyun snickered.  “Pervert.”

“ _What_?” Jiyong laughed, still rocking on his side.  “They could be listening.”  He thumped Seunghyun on the chest.  “Help me.”

That was how Seunghyun found himself on his back with his feet planted against the mattress, using them to leverage himself up to bang the headboard against the wall.  He tried to hold in his snickers, but kept failing.  When he glanced over, he saw Jiyong looking up toward the ceiling as he moved, a pensive look on his face. 

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Seunghyun asked.

“I’m trying to remember what my sex noises sound like.”

Seunghyun faltered in his rhythm.  It took him a minute to fall back into time.  Jiyong was still looking up as if his eyes were what he needed to search his brain.

And then, tentatively, “ _Ung_.”  It was a soft sound, soft and breathy, from high up in Jiyong’s throat.  Jiyong giggled and tried again, with his eyes closed this time, “ _Ung_.”

Seunghyun quit moving altogether, captivated by the sounds that were coming out of Jiyong’s mouth. 

“ _Harder_ ,” Jiyong gasped, low and throaty.  “ _Please, harder!”_ He had a lovely flush on his face from all the alcohol.  Seunghyun’s throat bobbed.

It wasn’t long before Jiyong realized he was the only one still moving.  He laughed, embarrassed, and slung his arm up so he could hide his face in the crook of his elbow.  “You’re supposed to be doing this _with_ me!” he complained.

“Is that really what you sound like?”

Jiyong smacked his shoulder and then buried his face right against the place he’d just struck.  “ _Shut up_.”

“No, it—it sounds nice.”

Jiyong groaned and kept his nose against Seunghyun’s shoulder.  After a moment, he finally peeked back up at him.  “Was this long enough for you?  Can we go back out now?  I’ll tell everyone you were really good.”

Seunghyun didn’t want to go back out.  He wanted to keep Jiyong all to himself.  But he couldn’t think of any reason to keep them here.  “Yeah, okay.”

Jiyong ran his hand through his hair a couple of times, mussing it, and then did the same to Seunghyun.  He licked his palm before running it through Seunghyun’s hair again.

Seunghyun jerked back a little, the back of his head sinking deeper into his pillow.  “Did you just put your _spit_ in my _hair_?”

“It’s supposed to look like we’ve been _sweating_.”

Jiyong started pinching at Seunghyun’s lips next, sharp plucks between his thumb and forefinger, moving from one corner to the other.  “What are you doing?” Seunghyun said through his frown.

Jiyong kept pinching.  “You know how your lips get really red and swollen after you’ve been making out?  This way they’ll look like that.”  He moved his hand away.  “Do mine, now.”

Seunghyun blinked up at him.  Jiyong’s face was suspended right over his, tinged by the soft halo of the overhead light.  His lips were so very close.  Seunghyun raised his hand to touch them.

He’d meant to follow Jiyong’s example, to redden Jiyong’s lips to match his, but instead, when his fingertips reached Jiyong’s mouth, they stopped there, distracted by their softness, barely a touch at all.  He felt compelled to do it again, to ghost his fingertips along the fullness of Jiyong’s bottom lip.

The laughter drained from Jiyong’s face, eyes darting back and forth between his own.  Seunghyun wasn’t sure if it was all the alcohol or just being in Jiyong’s presence, but he suddenly felt drunk where before he’d just been buzzed.  His hand slid up along the curve of Jiyong’s cheek, entranced, thumb brushing over the corner of his mouth.  He felt Jiyong’s breath against his thumb.

Seunghyun wanted to kiss him, wanted to see if it would be just as world-shattering the second time around.  It was all he could focus on, Jiyong’s mouth, his _mouth_ that was even closer now than it was before.  Seunghyun didn’t know if he was pulling Jiyong in or if Jiyong was coming of his own volition, just that the distance was slowly closing between them, slow enough to squeeze in ten thumps of his pounding heart.

His eyes closed just before Jiyong reached him, just before Jiyong’s warm breath fanned over his lips.  Their mouths were two distinguishable entities, until they weren’t, until they melted together on a soft sigh.  _Jiyong’s_ sigh, Seunghyun noted.  It was the same sound from last time, the one that had ripped Seunghyun’s world apart.  His lips parted under Jiyong’s, hoping to drink in another.

Jiyong’s mouth was slow against his, tentative, just a gentle molding of lips, Seunghyun’s hand still palming his cheek.  Jiyong held himself slightly away, kept the bulk of his small weight away from Seunghyun’s chest, the same restraint in his body as there was in his lips.  Seunghyun’s other hand itched to touch him, to pull him further in, but he held back, afraid it might spook him.

But his control soon broke.  He slid his hand down over Jiyong’s hip, just as Jiyong had instructed him, and Jiyong went still.  Their mouths were still touching, breaths caught somewhere in between, stuck in a sort of limbo.  Seunghyun didn’t dare open his eyes.

And then Jiyong’s breath left him in a rush, his resistance falling away with it.  He dove in like he was starved for it, seizing hold of Seunghyun’s lips, capturing them again and again.  Seunghyun responded eagerly, digging into Jiyong’s hip hard enough to bruise.  It made Jiyong turn frantic against him, body draped fully over him now and pressing closer still.  Seunghyun dragged his hands up and down Jiyong’s back, hands fisting and unfisting in his shirt, too greedy to commit to just one place.

He felt his cock stir from just this, from just kissing and the sound of Jiyong’s breaths, the way he sucked in air through his nose and exhaled heat into Seunghyun’s mouth, just so they wouldn’t have to part.  Seunghyun tried to keep his focus on Jiyong’s mouth even though every instinct inside him was telling him to roll him over and thrust up between his legs.  He bucked up against Jiyong’s hip, and then, embarrassed, pinned his hips back down to the mattress.

But Jiyong took it as some kind of summons, hand slipping into the gap between Seunghyun’s thighs and sliding up, cupping him through his jeans.  Seunghyun groaned into Jiyong’s mouth, and Jiyong swallowed it all up, hand still rubbing him through his pants.  The more Seunghyun reacted, the more frantic Jiyong got, rutting into him, sucking eagerly at his tongue, palming his hardened cock.  Seunghyun’s stomach flipped when Jiyong popped open his fly.

But then the door swung open, and Jiyong yanked away as if burned.  Standing in the doorway was Seungho, looking like the cat that got the canary.  “I just came to tell you Joowon left.  Since you were upset when I didn’t let you know the last time.”

Jiyong’s chest was heaving up and down.  “Thanks,” he managed. 

Seungho smirked at them, “Carry on, then,” and pulled the door back shut.

The room fell into tense silence after Seungho left, Jiyong looking decidedly away from him.  Seunghyun sat up a little, bracing himself on his elbows, the button of his jeans still undone.

“I guess you’re not a chicken after all,” Seunghyun tried to joke, but Jiyong didn’t laugh.

“I’m sorry,” Jiyong said, still not meeting his eyes.  “I didn’t mean to.  I’ve just been drinking, and I—can we just forget about this?”

Seunghyun’s heart sank.  A lump rose in his throat.  “Sure, Jiyong.  Whatever you want.”

Jiyong nodded before standing up and slipping out of the room.  He still didn’t look Seunghyun’s way.

Seunghyun slumped back down against the mattress, his erection wilting within its confines.  He stared up at the ceiling for a long time.

Maybe he really was a fool.

 

 

 


	8. The Sign

 

 

 

The next morning, it seemed like Jiyong really was determined to carry on as if the events of last night had never happened.  He flitted about Seunghyun with forced joviality, smiling sunnily as he poured Seunghyun a cup of coffee, but looking pointedly away any time Seunghyun tried to catch his eye.  Seunghyun wrapped his hands around his mug, glum.

Jiyong spent the whole of breakfast laughing with the others.  When Seungri had made a joking remark about their “relationship,” Jiyong’s smile had frozen on his face.  “Don’t be silly, Maknae.  You know that was all a joke.”

It made Seunghyun feel even worse, all these barriers Jiyong kept erecting.  Especially since he felt helpless in the face of them.  At this point, he wished he could just take it all back, to make it so last night really had never happened.  As much as he wanted Jiyong, nothing was worth losing his best friend.

But this attempt of Jiyong’s to act normal wasn’t going to work because it felt anything _but_ normal.  So Seunghyun went to Jiyong’s room after breakfast hoping they could talk.  Normally, he’d just let himself in, but he wasn’t sure if he was welcome to do that anymore so he gave the door a soft knock.

“Come in,” Jiyong called from the other side.

Seunghyun gently pushed the door open and then shut it again behind him.  Jiyong was sitting at his desk with a pen poised over one of his notebooks.  He didn’t look entirely happy to see him.

“Hey,” Seunghyun said, crossing the room with hesitant steps.  He sank down onto Jiyong’s bed.  “Can we talk?”

Jiyong’s face shuttered even further.  He turned back toward his notebook, scribbling something onto the page.  “About what?”

“You know what.”

Jiyong’s pen went still.  “I thought we agreed nothing happened.”

“But it _did_ happen.  And I —”

Jiyong cut him off.  “We were drunk, okay?  That’s all.  It happens.”

Seunghyun’s gut twisted.  There was his answer.  It hadn’t meant anything to Jiyong, nothing more than a mix of hormones and alcohol and Seunghyun’s convenient presence.  “Okay,” Seunghyun said, helpless, and started to rise back up.

Jiyong sighed, setting down his pen.  “Wait.”  Seunghyun shifted back into his seat.  Jiyong stared at him for a long time, worrying at his lip.  He finally said, “I just don’t know how to act now.”

If they weren’t going to be more, then Seunghyun at least wanted them to keep going as they were.  He shrugged.  “Just act normal.”

Jiyong looked down and away.  “I don’t want you to take anything the wrong way.”

That hurt.  The confirmation that Jiyong didn’t want Seunghyun to read too much into anything between them.  “I won’t,” Seunghyun said.  “Promise.”

Jiyong shifted to face him better in his seat.  He looked tiny in his chair, folded in on himself.  “I like the way things are,” he said.  “I like how close we are.  I don’t want anything to change.”

The situation suddenly felt all too familiar, like when he was still chubby and in high school and friend-zoned by all the girls who wanted to let him down easy.  “Yeah,” Seunghyun agreed, even though it hurt him.  “Same here.”

It stung, how relieved Jiyong looked at his words.  Jiyong’s lips pulled into a tentative smile as he rose up from his chair.  He sat back down beside Seunghyun on the bed.  It felt awkward even though they’d just agreed that it shouldn’t be.  There was space between them where there’d never been space before.

Seunghyun couldn’t take it anymore.  He slung a friendly arm around Jiyong’s shoulders and pulled him in.  “ _Relax_ ,” he said, jostling him a little.  “We made out.  So what?  It was bound to happen, as much as we drink together.  I won’t be weird if you won’t.”

The tension bled out of Jiyong, his body growing pliant in Seunghyun’s hold.  He curled into him, pressing his face into the cup of Seunghyun’s shoulder.  Relieved, Seunghyun tugged him closer. 

Jiyong’s cheek relaxed against Seunghyun’s shoulder.  “It’s just…you’re my best friend.  I don’t want to lose that.”

“You won’t,” Seunghyun said, tucking his own feelings away. 

 

 

They had schedules after that: filming, photoshoots, and appearances.  It kept them busy over the next couple weeks, leaving them with little time of their own, and what time they did have was mainly spent at the dorm trying to catch up on sleep.

He and Jiyong slipped back into their old skins, the way they were before this whole fake boyfriend thing ever started, and if they didn’t joke as much or laugh as easily, well, Seunghyun figured it was only a matter of time.  He didn’t press Jiyong for anything more, and Jiyong stopped trying to keep him at bay.

Seunghyun thought he was coping well until the night he went to Jiyong’s room and found him all dressed up for a night out.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

Jiyong finished clasping a thin chain around his neck.  “Oh, I’m going clubbing with Soohyuk and some of his model friends.”

He was going out with Soohyuk?  And Seunghyun wasn’t invited?  “Will Joowon be there?”

“Yeah.  We’re meeting him there.”

Seunghyun stood in the middle of the room, lost.  His hands hung helplessly at his sides.  “Do you need me to come?  Make him jealous?”

Jiyong cracked a grin.  “Nah, it’s okay.  I figured now would be a good time to tell him we broke up.  Act like I need a good rebound.”

“Right.”  Seunghyun’s chest hurt.  He hadn’t thought about it ending.  He supposed he’d known that it eventually would, but he thought it would be a much bigger deal than this, with a big staged fight and a tearful goodbye.  Not like this.  Not with no fanfare at all, as if it wasn’t important enough to warrant any.

Jiyong misunderstood the forlorn look on his face and offered up an apology for the wrong grievance.  “Sorry I didn’t invite you.  But I thought it would be kinda hard to act like we’re broken up if you’re with me.”

“No, I – I understand.”  Except Seunghyun didn’t understand.  How was he supposed to win over Jiyong by being the perfect boyfriend if he was no longer acting as his boyfriend?  Sure, he’d mostly given up, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d still hoped.  “I can’t believe you were gonna dump me without telling me.  So rude.”

Jiyong laughed.  “I’m sure you’ll get over it.  Go cry on Seungri’s shoulder or something.”

“Maybe I will.”  His stomach tied itself into knots as Jiyong pulled open his top drawer and fished a condom out of an open box.  “You’re gonna sleep with him?”

Jiyong hid a shy laugh behind the back of his hand.  He slipped the condom into his pocket.  “I don’t know?  Maybe?  I should have it just in case, right?”

Seunghyun swallowed against the lump that formed at the thought of Jiyong with someone else.  At the thought of him _touching_ someone else.  Of someone else touching _him_.  Seunghyun knew he should let it go, but it was like a sore inside his mouth he couldn’t stop prodding.  “You really like him, don’t you?”

Jiyong paused in the middle of fastening an earring, finished and said, “Yeah.”  He tucked his hair shyly behind his ear.  “I think I could.”

“Good.  That’s…good.”

Jiyong nodded, not saying anything else.  He put in his other earring before slipping his phone into the same pocket as the condom.  He was all ready to go.

Jiyong was ready, but Seunghyun wasn’t.  “So…this is it then.  We’re really breaking up.”  He smiled with all the enthusiasm he didn’t feel.  “No more fake relationship.”  He felt stupid, lingering in Jiyong’s room, dragging out a breakup that wasn’t even real.  Stupid and pathetic and desperate for any sign that this wasn’t the end.

Jiyong looked himself over in the mirror.  “I guess so,” he said, fixing a stray piece of hair.  “For what it’s worth, you were the best boyfriend I ever had.”

Not good enough to keep, Seunghyun thought bitterly.

Jiyong made a move toward the door.  Seunghyun stepped to the side when he realized he was blocking his path.  “See you later,” Jiyong said before moving past him.

“Yeah.  Have fun.”

Seunghyun watched Jiyong’s back as he walked toward the door, everything inside him crying out for him to stop.  It all felt so final.  Like it truly was the end, like if Jiyong walked through that door now, whatever meager chance Seunghyun had would be gone.

Fuck.  This couldn’t be it, not when Seunghyun had just figured things out.  “Jiyong?”

Jiyong paused at the door, turning back at the sound of his name.

Seunghyun’s heart pounded.  Everything he felt whirled around inside of him, bursting to get out.  He wanted to stride across the room and take Jiyong’s face in his hands.  He wanted to make him _see_.  That this was _it_.  This was what they were always writing songs about.

But his voice wouldn’t come.  There were a thousand words living inside Seunghyun’s throat, pressing down against his tongue, but he couldn’t push any of them out.  All he could think about were Jiyong’s own words about how he didn’t want things between them to change.

Seunghyun closed his mouth and choked his confession back down.  He smiled, instead.  A wavering smile he could barely hold on his face.  “Good luck.  With Joowon.”

“Thanks,” Jiyong said, grinning, a bit of mischief in his eyes.  “But I don’t think I’ll need it.”

Seunghyun’s smile broke as soon as Jiyong turned and walked out the door.

 

 

_Romeo + Juliet_ was such a stupid movie, Seunghyun thought.  Romeo started out in love with one girl only to drop those feelings at the first sight of another.  Shallow bastard.  Why did Jiyong think this was so romantic again?

Seunghyun slumped down against the back of the couch and dug another chip out of the bag propped on his tummy.  He crunched it between his teeth as Leo professed his undying love for this girl he’d just met.

Seunghyun scoffed.  This wasn’t love.  How could you love someone you’d only just met?  Romeo didn’t know anything about this girl.  He didn’t know what she liked, what her dreams were, what she wanted out of life.  He didn’t know how well she liked her meat grilled or whether she preferred fried eggs to boiled.  He had no idea how many smiles she had, much less what each one meant, or that she tended to cry whenever she got mad…

Seunghyun shook away that train of thought.  He was starting to conflate things a bit.

He looked on as Leo smooth-talked Claire into a kiss in the pool.  Jiyong probably preferred this pretty fucker to Seunghyun, too.

His attention was torn away at the sound of the door opening.  His eyes darted over to the entrance hoping to see Jiyong, but it was just the other members coming home from dinner.  Seunghyun sighed.  It had been stupid to even expect Jiyong.  The night was still early.  He wouldn’t be home for hours.

Youngbae and Daesung greeted him before heading to their rooms, but Seungri paused on his way to his.  His nose wrinkled as he looked Seunghyun over.  “I thought Jiyong said you guys were just joking about being together.”

“We were.”

“Then why do you look like you just broke up for real?”

Seunghyun looked down at himself so he could see what Seungri saw.  There were crumbs all over his lap and a hole in his sock, his sweatpants stained from where he’d spilt soda on them earlier.  He was a mess.  Leave it to Seungri to see right through to the heart of things.

Seunghyun stared back up at him.  “Go away before I use you as my rebound.”  Seungri snapped his mouth shut and scampered off. 

Sullen, Seunghyun went in for another chip, but then he stopped, hand halfway in the bag.  Seungri had a point.  He looked pitiful.  And he was _moping_.  And the moping was only making him feel worse.  He needed to get out.  Get some air.  He used the remote to turn the TV off.  This movie was shit anyway.

He went to his room and changed into a pair of jeans and a fresh hoodie.  He nearly bent over to put his discarded clothes in the hamper but then decided, fuck it.  What did it matter if his room was clean anymore?

The night air was crisp and cool.  Seunghyun shoved his hands deep in his pockets as he walked aimlessly along the sidewalk, no thought at all for where he might go.  He saw a fan wave excitedly at him from the other side of the street, but he kept his chin down and pretended not to notice.

He walked with no mind for how far he’d went, passed store after store with no memory of what any of the signs said.  He barely registered when the lights changed at an intersection, allowing him to cross.

But then he slowed to a stop when he saw where his feet had taken him.  To the movie theater.  The place where he and Jiyong had had their first “date.”  What kind of sap was he that he’d found himself here?  He stood there for ages, staring at the building, cataloguing what he felt.  He nearly turned around to head back home, but something compelled him to stay.

He trudged over to the ticket window, opening his wallet as he walked.  “I’ll take one for whatever,” he said.  “Surprise me.”

The employee stared at him for a bit before finally doing as Seunghyun asked, handing him a ticket that Seunghyun didn’t bother glancing at.  Seunghyun thanked her and went on his way.

The theater wasn’t as crowded as the last time he and Jiyong had come, just a few small clusters of people mingling about, a couple of stragglers purchasing their snacks.  Seunghyun thought of the little girl they’d met here last time, how Jiyong had lit up at the sight of her.

Seunghyun finally looked down at the ticket he was holding.  He didn’t recognize the title he saw printed there, but that was okay; he wasn’t in the mood to watch a movie anyway.  Instead, he wandered over to the arcade room and stopped at the entrance to convert some money into tokens.  But when he sat down at the racing game he and Jiyong had played, he realized he wasn’t much in the mood to do that, either.  Nothing seemed as fun without Jiyong.  Nothing seemed to matter at all.  Why had he even come here?

He sighed before pulling himself back out of the bucket seat, freezing when his eyes landed on the little machine over in the corner.  It was just as dinky looking as the last time he was here, paint chipping off at the corners.  He wandered over to it so he could peer inside.  The little bracelet with the heart charm glinted among the other prizes, still unclaimed.  Jiyong had wanted this.

He slid in a token as if compelled, took the joystick in hand and did his best to move the claw right over the bracelet.  When it came up empty, Seunghyun immediately slipped in another token.

He tried again and again, went back to convert more money at least twice that he could remember, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get it.  It was like Jiyong, unattainable, just out of his grasp.  No matter how badly Seunghyun wanted it, he just couldn’t have it.

The claw grazed over the bracelet, picking it up before dropping it again.  Seunghyun growled in frustration, beating his hand against the side of the machine hard enough to earn him a wide-eyed stare from a nearby mom.  Seunghyun quickly bowed in apology before turning back to the game.

He pressed his forehead against the glass and stared down at the bracelet, the heart charm twinkling merrily up at him, mocking him.  He should give up.  This fucking thing was rigged.  There was no way he’d be able to win.  He should just give up and go home.

But his thoughts on Joowon and Leo weren’t the only things he’d conflated tonight.  The bracelet had become a symbol, and if he gave up now, it was like he was giving up on Jiyong.  Letting him go for good.  Seunghyun didn’t know if he was ready to do that just yet.

He slid another token into the slot, not because he had any hope of succeeding, but because he no longer knew how to stop.  Jiyong owned him, the same way this fucking machine now did. 

Seunghyun moved the control, not even trying to hit his target, on autopilot because nothing he tried did any good, anyway.  He let the claw go wherever it wanted to go, resigned to another loss.  The claw opened as it descended – too far left, Seunghyun thought – and then it drug across the bottom as it closed again.  Seunghyun blinked when it caught on the chain, mouth falling open when it closed with the chain still in its grasp.  The claw rose back up, all the way to the top.  The heart sparkled as it caught the light.

Seunghyun held his breath as the claw traveled back to its home position, fingers wrapped around the controller in a death grip – _don’t drop it, don’t drop it, don’t drop it_.  The claw released the bracelet over the prize opening, and Seunghyun’s breath left him in a rush.  He _did_ it.

This was a sign.  This was a sign, right?  He and Jiyong were supposed to be together.

His hand shook as he reached in to retrieve his prize.  It was a cheap little thing, nothing more than a trinket.  It would probably turn Jiyong’s wrist green.  But Jiyong had wanted it, and now, Seunghyun wanted nothing more than to give it to him.

His hope filled him anew.  He had to get to Jiyong.  He had to get to him _now_.

Seunghyun dashed off, bracelet in his fist.  He ran as hard as he could, nearly bowled a girl over as he burst back out the doors.  He ran and ran till he realized he didn’t even know where he was running to.

He screeched to a halt on the sidewalk, pulling out his phone.  The first number he dialed was Jiyong’s, but he didn’t get an answer so he tried Soohyuk, next.  The phone rang and rang.  It rang so long he almost gave up.

But then the line came alive on the other end, music flooding the speaker.  “Hello?”

Seunghyun felt relief spike through him.  “Where are you?” he demanded.

“Hyung?”

“Tell me where you are,” he said again.  “Are you still at the club?”

“No, we’re back at Seungho’s.  Why?  Are you —”

Seunghyun hung up the phone.  He flagged down the first taxi he could find.

The ride to Seungho’s was filled with barely restrained excitement.  He fidgeted in his seat, sliding the chain he’d won between his thumb and forefinger over and over again.  His knee bounced anxiously against his seat.

He felt invincible with this bracelet in his hand.  He imagined it again and again, how he might give it to Jiyong.  It would be just like those scenes in Jiyong’s favorite movies and dramas, where the hero finally poured out the secrets in his heart.  He could see it now.  He’d give it to Jiyong, and Jiyong’s mouth would fall open in surprise.  And Seunghyun would tell him, _You said if I loved you I’d get it for you._   And if this all somehow ended with Joowon getting punched in the face, then all the better.

Soohyuk had called him a player, right?  Jiyong deserved better than that.  He didn’t need someone who was just sampling the flavors until he could choose which one he wanted.  He needed someone who already _knew_.  Someone who knew how special Jiyong was and would treat him as such.  Maybe it was narcissistic, but Seunghyun didn’t trust anyone with Jiyong but him.

Once they arrived at Seungho’s building, Seunghyun hurried and paid his fair before dashing into the building.  He pressed the elevator’s call button again and again before his impatience sent him darting for the stairs.  He tore up the steps, bracelet in hand, panting as he finally reached Seungho’s door.

It turned easily in his grip, left open from the last person who had come or gone.  The lights were dim, music turned up loud, so loud no one noticed him enter.  Seunghyun stepped into the foyer, eyes scanning over the crowd of bodies, desperate for a glimpse of Jiyong. 

He saw Seungho standing over by his sound system, thumbing through a stack of CDs.  Sungmin was in the corner flirting with a couple of girls who were way above his league.  A cluster of bodies shifted to the side, and Seunghyun finally caught a glimpse of Jiyong.  His heart fluttered wildly.  _There_.  There he was.

Seunghyun took a step toward him, but then froze.  The crowd had shifted again, allowing him to see who Jiyong was with.

Joowon.

They were sitting together on the sofa, all smiles.  Jiyong leaned in to whisper something in Joowon’s ear, and Joowon grinned, hand landing on Jiyong’s knee and sliding its way up his thigh.

_This means I’m yours_ , Jiyong had said.  _This means you know I’m yours._ The words echoed in Seunghyun’s head.  His hand fell to his side, limp, the bracelet still dangling there. 

Seunghyun watched as Joowon smiled and tilted Jiyong’s chin up, as he leaned in to capture Jiyong’s smile with his.  It happened in slow motion, their kiss, the same as the vice tightening around Seunghyun’s heart.  His chest caved in bit by bit as he watched their lips interlock, ribs crushing in on his lungs until it was too painful to breathe.  He’d never known anything could hurt this bad.

That was until Jiyong pulled Joowon up a moment later and giggled as he led him down the hall.  Seunghyun watched, destroyed, as Jiyong kissed Joowon one more time before tugging him into the bedroom.

Seunghyun stood frozen to his spot.  He could barely hear the music anymore, just a far off buzz melting into the background.  He stared down at the bracelet resting in his palm.  So much for his sign.

Jiyong had gotten what he wanted.  And it wasn’t him.

Seunghyun closed his hand around the bracelet and stumbled back out of the apartment.  He slumped back against the wall beside the door and tilted his head back against it, chin wobbling as his eyes roved over the ceiling.  He took in a deep, aching breath to steel himself from crying, his shoulders trembling as he let it back out.

Seunghyun turned to the side and leaned his temple against the wall, heart crumbling with each painful breath he took.  His hand slid up the wall, knuckles trailing over the uneven paint.  He tapped out a gentle rhythm, but Jiyong wasn’t there to answer.

 

 

 


	9. The Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics at the beginning are from Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” off of _The Wall_ , which incidentally happens to be the title of this chapter. 
> 
> To everyone who has commented so far, I appreciate it so much. I love reading your theories and opinions as well as your rants at me for making you cry. Sorry I suck at replying. I’m always afraid I’m going to accidentally spoil something if I say too much, but then I’m also afraid that a simple ‘thank you’ isn’t enough D:
> 
> But thank you, sincerely. You all keep me writing.

 

 

_Hello,_

_Is there anybody in there?_

_Just nod if you can hear me._

_Is there anyone at home?_

 

 

Seunghyun stared up at the ceiling over his bed as Pink Floyd played mournfully in the background.  He wasn’t sure how much time had passed.  It felt like years, but it might’ve only been minutes.  No, it had to have been longer than that.  He was pretty sure he’d already reached this song once tonight.

He’d been here ever since he’d left Seungho’s, not even bothering to change out of his jeans before collapsing onto his bed.  He stared at the bracelet he’d won for a few hard moments before shoving it away in his pocket.  It wasn’t like he had any use for it now.

He lay there, numb, blinking but not seeing, the melody of the song sweeping away his thoughts before they had a chance to coalesce.  He felt suspended in time, just him and the new hole in his heart.

At some point, he heard the front door creak open and then the soft shuffle of feet getting louder with each step.  Another door opened, and Seunghyun heard the sound of weight shifting against a mattress through the wall.  Jiyong was finally home.

The knowledge sat inside him like acid, eating away at him from the inside.  His elusive thoughts came into sharp focus, each one a needle pricking at his mind.  Thoughts of Jiyong and Joowon twined together, nothing between them but skin, Jiyong’s face drawn up in pleasure, making those same sounds he’d made for Seunghyun.  The images played over and over in his mind, a torturous montage that refused to stop.

He heard Jiyong roll over before knocking on the wall between them.

Seunghyun didn’t knock back.

 

 

He stayed in his room for most of the next day.  He got up to piss once, but then came right back to bed, finally shucking his jeans in favor of a worn pair of pajama pants.  He let his jeans stay in a crumpled heap on the floor along with his other recently discarded clothes.

He switched out _The Wall_ for _The Dark Side of the Moon_ , but other than that, it was just more of the same.  He lay sprawled on his back watching the shadows change shape as the sun shifted outside the window.

Jiyong came to see him sometime in the afternoon.  He came strolling in just like usual, plopping down on the bed like he had just as much right to be there as Seunghyun.  “Are you gonna get up today?” he teased.  “Or are you just planning on sleeping?”

“I’m not sleeping,” Seunghyun replied, dully.  He kept his eyes on the ceiling.

“Okay, so I was thinking, you know how you mentioned that sushi place the other day?  I thought we could go today.”

“No, thanks.”

Jiyong shifted toward him on the bed, pushing playfully at Seunghyun’s hip.  “Aww, come on.  You love sushi.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Laughing, Jiyong pushed at him again.  “You’re always hungry.  Please?” he cajoled.  “I’ll even pay this time.  My treat for you helping me out with Joowon.”

The words left a sour taste on his tongue.  He didn’t want any thanks for that.  “That’s okay.  I’m good.”

But Jiyong couldn’t leave well enough alone.  He kneaded at Seunghyun’s hip, rocking him against the mattress, bottom lip pushed out.  “ _Oppa_ ,” he whined.

The moniker struck a nerve in Seunghyun.  “I’m not your boyfriend,” he snapped.  “Find someone else to take you.”

Jiyong flinched.  Seunghyun could see the flicker of hurt just before Jiyong masked it.  “Whatever,” Jiyong huffed.  “Come find me when you’re done being such a grump.”  He got up and walked back out.

Jiyong kept his distance after that.  When Seunghyun ventured out later that evening to scavenge for food, the others tip-toed around him, wary.  His misery clung to him like a raincloud over his head, thunder crackling as he moved about the kitchen.

On his way back to his room, he heard Seungri mutter, “What’s his problem?”

Jiyong scoffed and whispered back, “I don’t know.  He’s in one of his moods.”

Seunghyun had to bite his tongue to keep from lashing out.  He took in a calming breath before resuming his trek to his room.  He closed the door behind him, shutting himself and his hurt away.  It roiled inside him like a sickness, expanding under the heat of his frustrations, nearly bursting at his seams.  Seunghyun stubbornly held it in.

 

 

The problem with being a fake boyfriend was that you were only practice for the real boyfriend, and once the new guy stepped in, there was no longer any place for you.  Seunghyun heard Jiyong talking on the phone to Soohyuk, making plans.  Plans that would’ve once included Seunghyun but no longer did because now they included Joowon.  It wasn’t enough that Joowon had stolen Jiyong; he had to steal all of Seunghyun’s other friends, too.

It was unavoidable, in hindsight, and Seunghyun felt stupid for not realizing it earlier.  Being the fake boyfriend had always meant becoming the fake _ex_ -boyfriend, which meant being ousted in order to keep up the ruse.  But it burnt, a little, that Jiyong got to keep all their friends in the split.  That Jiyong just _assumed_ and went about hogging them.

Seunghyun liked spending time by himself, liked being left alone on the couch, but only when it was by his own choice.  He didn’t like being alone when he had no other options.

He’d taken up camp on the sofa one day when Jiyong came bustling out of his room in a pair of fitted jeans with his makeup done.  Seunghyun’s heart ached at how pretty he looked.  Jiyong paused by the arm of the sofa to see what Seunghyun was watching, and Seunghyun waited for him to pull out their normal script and try to drag him off on some adventure.  He was feeling lonely enough to give in today.

But the pouting never began.  Jiyong watched the screen for a few brief moments before pulling himself back to attention and saying, “I’m going out to lunch.  See ya later.”

As Jiyong walked out the door, Seunghyun felt the hurt inside him rising up again, pushing out at the edges of his self.  He’d constructed walls to keep it all in, but he felt it now, the way they bowed, like wood warping against the sea.  He turned back to the TV and did his best to ignore it.

That didn’t last long, though.  He felt restless after all his time spent moping and figured he could use a change of scenery.  Not the movie theater, though.  He was done with that place.

He found himself at the studio writing line after line only to scribble them all out.  When he’d trudged in a little while ago, Teddy had taken one look at him before clapping him on the back and leading him to one of the free booths.  He’d left Seunghyun with a couple beats he’d been working on, telling him to “go nuts.”  So that was what Seunghyun was doing.  Nothing quite like a broken heart to get the creative juices flowing.

Eventually, he got up to use the bathroom.  He was in the middle of washing his hands when the door swung open and a most hated smile came bopping in, tying Seunghyun’s gut into uncomfortable knots.  What the fuck was Joowon doing here?  The studio was supposed to be a sanctuary.

Joowon bumbled to a halt at the sight of him, his smile falling from his face.  It would’ve been comical had Seunghyun not been so busy seething.  Joowon shuffled awkwardly on his feet, looking away in something like guilt.  He chanced a look at Seunghyun but averted his eyes again.

Seunghyun could see himself in the mirror, his brows and cheekbones cutting vicious lines across his face.  All traces of his hickey was gone, his last link to Jiyong severed.  He turned the faucet off and flicked the excess water into the sink.

Joowon broke the silence with his awkward ramblings.  “Hi, um, so I know you and Jiyong-hyung broke up, but I hope there are no hard feelings between us?  He said _you_ dumped _him_ , and well, I really like him, so —”

Seunghyun moved toward him, and Joowon took a cowering step back.  Seunghyun drew himself up to his full height for the sole purpose of making Joowon look up at him.  Joowon did so, nervously.  Seunghyun reached out, felt a thrill of satisfaction when Joowon braced himself for a blow.  When Seunghyun bypassed him in favor of the paper towel dispenser just behind him, Joowon let out his breath in a relieved rush.

Seunghyun calmly dried his hands.  “No hard feelings,” he agreed.  Joowon relaxed against the wall at his back.  “Unless you hurt him,” Seunghyun added, voice low, like the rumble of a shifting mountain.  “Then we’ll have a problem.”

Joowon swallowed.  He nodded, eyes wide. 

Seunghyun pitched the wadded paper towel as he strolled out the door.  It wasn’t much of an exit, though.  He came face to face with Jiyong as soon as he walked out into the hall.

Jiyong blinked at him in surprise.  “Hyung, I didn’t know you were here.”

Seunghyun shoved his hands into his pockets.  “I work here, too.  In case you forgot.”

“I didn’t forget.  I just thought you’d be on the couch all day.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugged, not having anything else to add.  It was then that he noticed the girl standing just behind Jiyong.  She was young.  She looked like a child, but her clothing said teenager.  She had both hands up over her mouth, staring at him in excitement, looking like she might cry.

Jiyong chuckled when he saw what had gotten Seunghyun’s attention.  “This is Hyeonae, Joowon’s sister.  She wanted to come see the studio.”

Ah, that explained it.  No wonder Joowon was here.  Jiyong was helping him earn some big brother points.  “Hi,” Seunghyun said, dropping his ire in the presence of a fan.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

Hyeonae tilted her chin up over her hands and squeaked, “Hi,” before covering her mouth again. 

Jiyong grinned.  “You’re her favorite, remember?” 

It was good to know Joowon’s sucky personality didn’t carry over to the rest of his family.  Seunghyun gave her an indulgent smile.  “What is it you like about me?” he teased.

“ _Everything_ ,” she gushed, and then ducked back behind her hands, embarrassed.

Jiyong giggled in agreement.  “We have that in common.”

Seunghyun felt a pang at those words.  If that were true, why didn’t Jiyong want him?

Joowon came out then, and Seunghyun stiffened, the ease of the moment bleeding away.  Joowon kept a careful distance from him. 

Hyeonae didn’t notice the shift.  She peeked over her hands again, blushing.  “What kind of girls do you like?”

Seunghyun tensed.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Joowon and Jiyong had, too.  He finally rewarded her attempt at flirting with a smile.  “I like good girls,” he said.  “So study hard.”

Hyeonae beamed.  “I will!  I’m gonna be a doctor.”

Chuckling, Seunghyun took a small step back, a subtle attempt to bring the conversation to an end.  “That’s good.  I have to get back to work now, but I enjoyed meeting you.”

Jiyong piped up as soon as Seunghyun turned away.  “What are you working on?”

Seunghyun thought about the endless lines he’d just written about Jiyong.  He gave him a wistful smile.  “Nothing you’d be interested in.”

 

 

He’d just gotten up to switch out one CD for another when Jiyong braved his room again.  Jiyong let himself in just like always, but he didn’t plop down on the bed this time.  He stayed standing, just like Seunghyun was, popping his lips together, looking aimlessly about the room.  Seunghyun didn’t bother trying to make him feel more at ease.

“Your room’s starting to get messy again,” Jiyong noted, smile turning fond.

Seunghyun shrugged.  His stereo sat on one side of his dresser.  He put _The Wall_ back in but didn’t hit play.

Jiyong watched as he closed the jewel case and set it down on top of the dresser.  “Soohyuk and Seungho are going to the club tonight.  Do you wanna come?”

Oh, so _now_ Jiyong remembered he was part of the group.  “I can’t,” Seunghyun said.

“Why not?”

Seunghyun straightened the jewel case so that its edge ran parallel with the dresser, just to give him an excuse for not looking Jiyong’s way.  “Is Joowon going?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, I can’t.”

“But —”

“I’m the ex, remember?”

“I know, but I’m gonna tell him we decided to still be friends.  Since we still have to work together, and since we’ve known each other forever.  It’s not that strange.”

Seunghyun shook his head.  Watching Jiyong with Joowon had been torture.  He can’t go through that again.  He just can’t.  “I don’t wanna be a third wheel.”

“You won’t be a third wheel.  Soohyuk and Seungho will be there, and maybe some of the others.  I don’t know, yet.  I haven’t talked to everybody.” 

When Seunghyun ignored him to keep fiddling with the case, Jiyong’s eyes grew soft, and his voice even softer.  “I _miss_ you,” he said.

Seunghyun closed his eyes against the sadness in Jiyong’s eyes.  He was weak in the face of it.  It made him want to give Jiyong everything he’d ever asked for and more.  “You have this idea in your head that we can all go and have fun, but it doesn’t work like that.  I’ll still have to play the ex, and it’ll be awkward, and frankly, I’m sick of acting.  I don’t wanna do it anymore.”

“It won’t be awkward, okay?  I won’t let it be.”

A muscle slid along Seunghyun’s jaw.  He didn’t budge.

“Please?” Jiyong said. 

Seunghyun waited for the ‘oppa’ that normally followed, but it didn’t come.  He didn’t say anything back.

Jiyong let out a frustrated sigh.  “What’s going on with you?  Why don’t you wanna hang out with me anymore?”

“Nothing,” Seunghyun lied.  “I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

Jiyong scoffed.  “It’s ‘cause we kissed, isn’t it?  You’ve barely hung out with me at all since that night.  You said you wouldn’t be weird.  You _promised_.”  Jiyong threw the words out at him like an accusation.

It made Seunghyun’s blood boil.  “What do you want from me, Jiyong?  I do everything you tell me to.  I give you everything you ask.  But now, when I need a little bit of space, I can’t have it?  Are you really that selfish?”

Jiyong’s chin trembled.  “Why do you need space?”

“Why does it matter?  It’s not like you need me anymore.  You have Joowon, now.  Go be with him.”

Jiyong gave him a baffled look.  “What does he have to do with anything?”

“ _Everything_ ,” Seunghyun spat.  Was Jiyong really that blind?  “Just forget it.”

“ _No_.  Would you just _tell_ me?  Why won’t you come?”

Seunghyun’s hand tightened over the edge of his dresser, gripping it tight.  He couldn’t believe how dumb Jiyong was.  He fought the urge to just blurt everything out.  “I told you, I’m sick of acting.”

“Fine,” Jiyong said.  “If it’s that big of a deal, I’ll just tell him the truth.  You won’t have to act anymore, okay?  I’ll tell him we were faking the whole time, and that —”

“But I _wasn’t_ ,” Seunghyun erupted.  The wall inside him splintered and broke, his feelings bursting through the dam.  He regretted it instantly, wished he could scoop his words up and swallow them back down, put them back behind the wall where they belonged.

Jiyong was staring at him like he’d never seen him before.  “What?”

Seunghyun could hear the question in Jiyong’s voice, the confusion, and he felt weary in the face of it, worn out from keeping this to himself for so long.  Fuck it, he thought.  He was too tired to hide anymore.  “I wasn’t faking,” he said.  “It was real for me.”

Jiyong’s eyes darted back and forth between Seunghyun’s.  “I don’t – what are you saying?”

Seunghyun licked his lips before looking back down at his hand, defeated.  “I’m saying that I would do pretty much anything for you.  But I can’t go watch you be with another guy.  Please, don’t ask me to.”

Jiyong’s mouth fell open.  He stared at Seunghyun in shock.  “But you’re straight.”

Seunghyun let out a humorless chuckle.  “Obviously, not.”

Jiyong shook his head against it.  “No.  No, you’re just confused.  We’ve just been spending a lot of time together, acting like a couple.  You just got caught up in it, that’s all.”

“I did get caught up in it,” Seunghyun admitted.  “But I’m not confused.”  His tone of voice left no room for argument.

Jiyong’s throat bobbed as he swallowed.  He was speechless, struck dumb by Seunghyun’s confession.

This was a mistake.  He should’ve kept this to himself.  “Look, I’m not asking you for anything, okay?  I know you don’t feel the same way about me.  But you asked me why I needed space, and well, this is why.  I just need some time.”

Jiyong’s lower lip quivered.  “You actually _like_ me?”

Seunghyun’s chest ached when he breathed.  “This would be easier if I just _liked_ you.”

Jiyong sucked in a breath.  Seunghyun heard the soft sound of it from across the room.  It left him feeling bare and at Jiyong’s mercy.  And also exasperated, because why was Jiyong even surprised?  Seunghyun had been so obvious.  “What do you think I’ve been _doing_ these past few weeks?  Taking you to the beach, _kissing_ you?  What did you think all that was?”

“I don’t know?  Pretending to be my boyfriend?”

“When Joowon wasn’t even _there_?”

Jiyong flung his hands out.  “I don’t know, okay?  I thought you liked girls.  I thought you were _straight_.  Other than us kissing, the way you’ve been acting isn’t all that different from the way you’ve _always_ acted.”

Seunghyun opened his mouth to argue, but then his thoughts caught up to his mouth.  Hadn’t he made that same connection?  That he’d basically been Jiyong’s boyfriend all along?

Jiyong’s shoulder rose in a helpless shrug.  “You’ve been flirting with me for years, Hyung.  I learned not to read anything into it.”

Seunghyun didn’t have an answer for that.  “Yeah, well, I’m slow.”

Jiyong let out a long-suffering chuckle that ended on a sigh.  He looked fragile all of a sudden, as fragile as Seunghyun’s own heart.  “Do you mean it?” he asked.  “This isn’t a joke?”

“I wouldn’t have went on a Pink Floyd bender for just a joke.”

“ _That’s_ why you’ve been moping?  Because of _me_?”

Seunghyun looked back down at his grip on the dresser.  He let the droop of his shoulders answer for him.

Seunghyun heard a soft rustle and peeked up to see Jiyong digging his phone out of his pocket.  He watched as Jiyong scrolled through his contacts before making a call.  Jiyong held the phone against his cheek, waiting for the call to pick up. 

“Hey,” he said when it finally did.  “I’m not gonna be able to make it tonight.  Something came up.”  He paused for a moment, presumably for the person on the other end to respond, and then said, “No, tomorrow won’t work, either.” 

Jiyong’s eyes rose up to Seunghyun’s.  He gazed meaningfully at him as he said his final words to the person on the other end of the line, “Sorry, but I’m still hung up on my ex-boyfriend.  We’re gonna work things out.”

Seunghyun’s lips parted.  What?

Jiyong ended the call.  He set the phone down slowly onto the nightstand, eyes on Seunghyun the whole time.

“Was that…?”

“Joowon,” Jiyong finished for him.  He moved his hand away from the phone, and just like that, Joowon was out of the picture, nothing more than a fly to be swatted away.

Seunghyun blinked at him.

“Why do you look so surprised?” Jiyong said, voice full of fond exasperation.  “Don’t you know how long I’ve wanted you?” 

Seunghyun saw the earnestness on Jiyong’s face, the sincerity, but he couldn’t quite believe it.  “How long?”

Jiyong gazed up at him.  _All along_ , his eyes said.

“But you said you didn’t want things to change.  You said you just wanted to be friends.”

“I meant I wanted to _keep_ being friends.  I was worried you were going to freak out on me and push me away.”

“No, but you —” Seunghyun frowned, replaying their conversation in his mind.  He remembered how relieved Jiyong had been when Seunghyun agreed they should still be friends, and how upset he’d been before that, the way he’d been unable to meet Seunghyun’s eyes, almost guilty.  Like he’d done something wrong.  Seunghyun had just assumed it was because Jiyong felt bad for leading him on, but apparently, he’d gotten it wrong. 

Jiyong looked down at his feet, his face tinged with that same guilt Seunghyun had seen that night.  “I thought I’d pushed you into something you didn’t want.”

“I wanted it,” Seunghyun said.

Jiyong looked up at him hopefully.  “Really?”  It was like he needed reassurance for every word Seunghyun said, like he just couldn’t believe any of them could be true.

Seunghyun nodded, nothing but raw honesty on his face.  “Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt?” he asked.

Jiyong swallowed and looked away.  When he met Seunghyun’s eyes again, it was like a veil had been lifted, revealing the layer of hurt underneath.  “Everyone knew, Hyung.  _Everyone_.  ‘Poor Jiyong, in love with the straight guy,’” he mocked. 

Seunghyun’s heart thumped.  In love? 

“I figured you knew, too.  I’ve been told I’m not exactly subtle.” 

Jiyong sniffed.  When he spoke again, his voice wobbled.  “I used to think you liked me, that maybe there was something there.  But you never did anything about it.  You just kept talking about girls in front of me, checking them out.  You did it _all the time_.”  His eyes grew wet.  He looked up, frantically blinking away any tears before they could form.  “I figured that was your way of letting me down easy.”

Seunghyun’s eyes softened.  He didn’t have a response for that, either.  He thought he’d liked girls, too.  He still wasn’t completely sure where he fell on that.  But Jiyong’s feelings on it…it seemed so clear now that he thought about it.  He remembered the girl at _Inkigayo_ , how he’d noticed her legs, how Jiyong had _noticed_ him noticing.  How he’d kept bringing it up after.

Jiyong looked small before him, weary, like he’d endured one too many blows.  How had he hid this from Seunghyun?  Jiyong, who wore his every emotion for the world to see.  How much had Seunghyun inadvertently hurt him for him to be this practiced at concealing it? 

He thought about how much it hurt seeing Jiyong with Joowon, how crazy it had made him.  Was that what Jiyong had been going through all this time?  Seunghyun felt his heart breaking all over again, this time for Jiyong.  “I didn’t know,” he said, helpless.

Jiyong nodded, lips pressed tightly together to stop them from trembling.  He wiped a stray tear that had managed to escape. 

“Come here,” Seunghyun said, opening his arms to him.  Jiyong came easily, turning docile in his hold.  He melted against Seunghyun’s chest, pressing his face there.  Seunghyun held him and stroked his hair.  He let the warmth grow between them, reveling in it, seeking comfort and giving it.  He let it do its best to heal all their hurts.

He rested his chin on the top of Jiyong’s head.  “I hate Joowon.”

A surprised chuckle warmed Seunghyun’s shoulder.  “Don’t worry,” Jiyong said.  “I got rid of him.”

“I hated seeing you with him.  I wanted to shove him off a cliff.”

Jiyong snuggled in closer, ran soothing hands across Seunghyun’s back.  “It’s okay, I won’t see him anymore.”  He let out a contented sigh as he pressed his nose into the crook of Seunghyun’s shoulder.  “I can’t believe this is happening,” Jiyong whispered.  “What finally did it?  When did you figure it out?”

Seunghyun swept his hand low over Jiyong’s back.  “The first time we kissed.  I figured it out then.  It messed me up pretty bad.”

Jiyong leaned back so he could look at him.  “That’s it?  A kiss?  If I’d known that, I would’ve kissed you _years_ ago.”

Seunghyun chuckled at the pout on Jiyong’s face.  He brushed his thumb over it, voice lowering into a whisper, “You can kiss me _now._ ”

Jiyong’s pout faded, his eyes dipping down to Seunghyun’s lips.  Seunghyun felt the way the atmosphere changed with that look, growing more and more charged the longer Jiyong watched his mouth.  His hand flexed against the small of Jiyong’s back.

Slowly, Jiyong pulled him in, his delicate fingers curling over the nape of Seunghyun’s neck.  He closed the distance between them bit by bit, giving Seunghyun plenty of time to back out, as if he still wasn’t convinced Seunghyun wanted to be kissing him.

Seunghyun bent down and reassured him with his mouth.  The wall between them came crumbling down.

 

 

 


	10. Revelations

 

 

 

Seunghyun took his time kissing Jiyong.  Their tongues swept together, slow, thorough, with none of the hurry of their past kisses for this one held within it the promise of another.  When his neck started to ache from bending down, he gathered Jiyong up against his chest, forcing him up on his toes, and Jiyong looped his arms around Seunghyun’s neck to help hold himself up.

Finally, Jiyong broke away, lips glossy from Seunghyun’s mouth.  He looked back over his shoulder toward the bed, and Seunghyun’s heart knocked hard against his chest once he saw what Jiyong was looking at.

Jiyong’s eyes returned to him.  “Do you want to – it would be more comfortable.”

Seunghyun’s heart started racing.  The bed suddenly looked like a foreign land, full of unknowns, and he didn’t have any kind of roadmap for what might happen there.  Jiyong had only asked if he wanted to relocate, but saying yes to that felt like saying yes to so much more.  He swallowed heavily in his throat.  “Yeah.  Yeah, okay.”

Jiyong started backing toward the bed.  He caught Seunghyun’s hand as he went, and Seunghyun took a steadying breath before letting Jiyong lead him.  As they neared the bed, Jiyong’s foot caught on something on the floor, and he stumbled a little, losing his balance and falling back into a seat on the bed.  Seunghyun snickered as Jiyong kicked at the culprit with the heel of his foot, a dirty pair of jeans he’d left on the floor.  He sat down beside Jiyong, still chuckling.

“You really need to clean your room again,” Jiyong nagged, kicking at the jeans again, but then he stopped, a glint of silver catching his attention.  He leaned down and pulled it the rest of the way out of the pocket.  “This is from the claw game,” he said, eyes seeking out Seunghyun’s for confirmation.  “Is this for me?  When did you even get it?”

The appearance of the bracelet brought with it the memory of the night he’d gotten it.  Jiyong’s confession had made him so happy that he’d forgotten how much he’d been hurt, but now it was all back, the ache of it, so potent he didn’t know how he’d managed to forget.  Except he did know; Jiyong’s pain had pulled his focus, but now his attention was back on his own, throbbing angrily from where it had been neglected.

“When you were clubbing with Joowon,” Seunghyun answered, lifeless.  “I got it for you then.  I was going to bring it to Seungho’s and tell you how I felt.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I _did_.”  The lump in his throat made it hard to swallow.  “But you were _busy_.”

The memories came, vivid and agonizing.  Jiyong’s _smile_ , the way it widened right before Joowon kissed him.  The sound of his giggle as he pulled Joowon into the bedroom.  Seunghyun told himself it didn’t matter, that they weren’t together, that Jiyong didn’t know how he felt then.  He told himself all of this, but it still hurt. 

Jiyong’s smile fractured.  “You were there?”

Seunghyun nodded, not looking his way.

Jiyong sighed.  He rest his hand against Seunghyun’s arm in apology.  “I’m sorry.  If I’d had any idea how you felt, I never would’ve went after anyone else.”

The ache in his chest kept Seunghyun from leaning into the touch.  “I saw you kiss him.  I saw you _smiling_.”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Jiyong said again.

But the ache only grew.  It expanded in Seunghyun’s chest till it pressed in on his lungs, pressed in so hard he felt the pressure of it with each breath.  “I saw you take him to Seungho’s room.”

Jiyong’s eyes filled with tenderness.  “No,” he whispered, scooting closer and shaking his head.  “Hyung, no.  Nothing happened.  We kissed, that’s all.”

“It didn’t look like nothing.  You had a condom in your pocket.  Just in case, right?  That’s what you said.”  Seunghyun knew he wasn’t being fair – it wasn’t like Jiyong _cheated_ – but seeing him with Joowon that night was an open wound that hadn’t even begun the process of healing.

Jiyong was quiet for minute, just watching Seunghyun with this pained expression.  “You’re right,” he finally said.  “I _was_ planning on sleeping with him.”

Seunghyun’s gut twisted at his honesty.

“But I didn’t,” Jiyong finished, a gentle whisper.  Seunghyun’s eyes rose back up to him, tentative, and Jiyong gave him a tender look before reaching up to stroke his hair.  “We didn’t go through with it.”

“Why not?”

“We just didn’t.  I’d been acting like I just got dumped all night, and Joowon was trying to cheer me up, and then we got to the room, and – and it was the same room where _we’d_ kissed, you and me, the same bed, and I just – I don’t know, I just kept _talking_ about you, telling him all these stories.”  Jiyong’s mouth twisted in self-deprecation.  “I told him all about the day you took me to the beach.  I was drunk; I couldn’t make myself shut up.”

The hunch eased out of Seunghyun’s shoulders, Jiyong’s words soothing him where his touch could not.  “You talked about me?”

Jiyong cracked a grin, as if Seunghyun had said something funny.  “I always talk about you.”  His hand ran through Seunghyun’s hair again, and this time Seunghyun leaned into it.  “Anyway, Soohyuk kicked us out after that ‘cause he wanted to take a nap, and that was pretty much that.”

“I knew there was a reason I kept him around,” Seunghyun joked, the pressure in his chest starting to let up.

Jiyong chuckled, stroking Seunghyun’s hair again as his smile turned wry.  “Honestly, I doubt Joowon was that surprised when I called him just now.  He was probably expecting it.”

Seunghyun looked down, one last insecurity niggling at the back of his mind.  “But you said you really liked him.”

“I didn’t, though.  I just… _wanted_ to.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Jiyong said, helpless.  “I wanted to get over you.  I thought someone like Joowon could help me do it.  He seemed so perfect, you know?  He liked all these things I liked, and he was really great with his sister.  I had it so built up in my head.  I didn’t even _know_ him, but I – I liked the idea of him.  Does that make sense?”

“No,” Seunghyun said, sullen.  He didn’t want to hear Jiyong say nice things about Joowon, no matter what point Jiyong was trying to make.  “I still hate him.”

Jiyong laughed.  He leaned in closer so he could wrap Seunghyun up in his arms.  “Okay, you can hate him.”

Seunghyun let himself be held, let Jiyong’s touch quiet the ache inside him, though he dragged out the process for much longer than what was necessary, grumping while Jiyong attempted to comfort him, “I’m hotter, remember?  You said so.”

Jiyong snickered against Seunghyun’s shoulder, agreed, “You _are_ hotter.”

“And taller.  Did you notice I’m taller?”

Indulgent, Jiyong continued on with the list, “And _funnier_ , and _smarter_ , and better at rapping…”

Seunghyun sniffed.  “He’s not very good at all when you think about it.  I don’t know why you wasted so much time on him.”

“Me neither.”

“And what was that obsession with cars?  What was that about?  Like anyone cares how big the Batmobile engine is.”

Jiyong giggled against him, the soft sound of it reaching into him and soothing away the last of his hurt.  He felt lighter just listening to it.  Seunghyun asked one last time, just to be sure, “You really didn’t like him that much?”

Jiyong pulled back to look at him better.  “If I had, I wouldn’t’ve went along with the whole fake boyfriend thing for as long as I did.”

“I thought that was to help you get him.”

Jiyong let out an offended scoff.  “ _Please_ , like I needed help for that.  I could’ve had him after the first night.”

“Then why do it?”

“Because I wanted an excuse to be close to you,” Jiyong admitted, soft and small, like he was revealing all of his innermost secrets.  “I wanted to see what it was like.  To _be_ with you.  I thought a fake relationship was all I could get, and I kept it up because – because I liked how it felt.  When you took me to the movies or held my hand at Seungho’s, I could almost pretend it was real.  The only reason I ended it was because I was trying to make things less awkward for you after we kissed.” 

Seunghyun let those words sit inside him and fill him up, fragile and precious, like something he needed to protect.  He felt warmer with each soft confession Jiyong made.

Jiyong opened his hand around the bracelet he’d been holding.  “I can’t believe you went back and got this for me.  How long did it take you?”

“ _Forever_ ,” Seunghyun said, taking the bracelet from him and gently fastening it around his wrist.  “And it cost me a fortune.  You could’ve had Chanel for the amount I spent on this.”

“I like this one better,” Jiyong said.  “You can get me Chanel for our anniversary.  Or Christmas.  That comes first.”

Seunghyun burst into chuckles at Jiyong’s audacity.  “Can I?  Now it all makes sense, you just want me for my money.”

“I make more than you,” Jiyong pointed out.

“Then why don’t you ever pay for anything?”

Jiyong’s lips curled.  “Because I like it when you do.”

“You know, I did some thinking about this.  I pay for you, and I always carry your shit.  I’ve basically been your boyfriend for years, only I don’t get any of the perks.”

Jiyong grinned at him, endlessly amused by this.  “Do you want perks?”

Seunghyun felt the subtle shift in the air at Jiyong’s words.  His hands flexed against the tops of his knees, nervous.  “Perks would be nice.”

Jiyong gave him a pleased little smile, rewarding his answer with a gentle pressure against his nape, a soft touch to guide him forward toward Jiyong’s mouth.  Seunghyun obeyed, caught in a siren’s thrall, and as they kissed, Jiyong slowly lay back against the mattress, pulling Seunghyun along with him, repositioning them on the bed.

Seunghyun settled over him, elbows braced on either side of Jiyong’s head.  “Am I crushing you?”

Jiyong hummed, arching up, luxuriating under Seunghyun’s weight.  “I like it,” he purred.

And then they were kissing again, deep, ravenous kisses that made Seunghyun want to slide under Jiyong’s skin and never come out again.  His bulk pressed Jiyong down into the mattress, and Jiyong welcomed it, hitching a leg up over Seunghyun’s hip to drag him further in, guiding him into a gentle rocking that left them both desperate for more.

Soon, Jiyong’s hands were tugging at his back, squeezing at his ass to coax him into a more urgent pace, and Seunghyun fell into the new rhythm, hips notched tight, groaning as their erections pressed together through their jeans.  That was Jiyong’s dick, he thought bizarrely.  He was grinding against another guy’s dick.  A strange heat shot through his lower belly at the realization.  He dragged his hips over Jiyong’s to feel it again.

Jiyong tore his mouth away, gasping.  “I want you so bad,” he said, clutching hard at Seunghyun’s back, blunt nails digging into muscle through his shirt.

Seunghyun dropped his head into the dip of Jiyong’s shoulder.  “Me too,” he panted.  He could feel the wet heat of Jiyong’s breaths against his neck.  “But maybe we should slow down.  I don’t want you to think this is all I’m after.”

Jiyong chuckled beneath him.  “If _you_ wanna slow down, then okay.  But _I’m_ fine.”  His voice turned to honey in Seunghyun’s ear, “You can fuck me right now if you want.”

Seunghyun squeezed his eyes shut at Jiyong’s brazenness.  “ _Jesus, Jiyong_.  Shouldn’t I at least take you out first?”

Giggling, Jiyong slipped a leg in between Seunghyun’s and pressed up, “You’ve taken me out loads of times,” rubbed against him with his thigh, whispering hot into his ear, “Don’t you want me?”

Seunghyun’s erection strained in his pants, against the heavenly friction Jiyong’s thigh offered.  He nodded helplessly against Jiyong’s throat.

“Then wait here,” Jiyong whispered, pushing Seunghyun off to the side and slipping out from under him.  “I’ll be right back.”

Seunghyun sat up on the bed with his arms braced behind him and waited for Jiyong to come back.  He felt like a bumbling virgin all over again, nervous for his first time.

When Jiyong returned, he locked the door behind him and made his way back over to the bed, dark eyes gleaming with each slow step.  He set a bottle of lube down on the nightstand along with a long string of condoms, and Seunghyun swallowed.  Just how many of those did Jiyong think they needed?

Jiyong held his gaze as his hands found the bottom hem of his shirt, sliding it up over his head before letting it flutter to the floor.  Seunghyun drank in the sight of him, a sharp spike of lust shooting through him at the slender lines of Jiyong’s torso, nipples drawn into two hardened peaks.  Seunghyun wanted to put his mouth on them, wanted to see if they tasted as sweet as they looked.  He’d seen Jiyong shirtless a hundred times, but it had never felt like _this_ , like a woman baring herself to his eyes.

Jiyong’s hands landed on his fly next, undoing it with a slow hiss of the zip.  He pushed his pants slowly over his hips, every move a seduction, the flick of his gaze, the brush of his hands over his own skin, sensual.  Seunghyun knew he was being seduced even as it happened, but he stepped into the snare with eyes wide open. 

Bare of all but his underwear, Jiyong poured himself into Seunghyun’s lap.  He kissed him again, a feathery brush of lips designed to tease, hands dragging down Seunghyun’s chest before settling on the hem of his shirt.  “Can I?” he whispered, seeking permission for a privilege Seunghyun rarely allowed.

A voice in the back of Seunghyun’s head railed at being exposed, but he steeled himself against it and nodded his head.  Jiyong pulled his shirt up slowly, reverently, like he was unveiling a treasured artifact thought lost to the ages, delicate hands tracing the lines of muscle once the shirt was cast off.

Seunghyun fidgeted under the intensity of Jiyong’s gaze.  “If I’d known we’d be doing this, I would’ve done some crunches,” he tried to joke.

Jiyong didn’t laugh.  He just shook his head, solemn, still soaking up the sight of Seunghyun’s bare chest, fingertips brushing over his nipples.  “You’re perfect.”

Seunghyun’s breath hitched as Jiyong came closer, lips finding their way to Seunghyun’s neck, hot and wet, with the blunt scrape of teeth.  He closed his eyes as Jiyong bit down on his collarbone, both eager and shy under all his ministrations.  Jiyong flattened his palms over Seunghyun’s pecs and gently pushed him back against the mattress to give him a more convenient canvas to work with, mouth and hands painting over all the skin Seunghyun guarded so jealously.

“I can’t believe you’re letting me touch you,” Jiyong murmured, sucking a nipple between his lips before biting down on it.  “You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about this.”

Seunghyun could feel his heart speeding up, racing under Jiyong’s lips, blood pulsing so hard he was dizzy with it.  Jiyong travelled further down, tongue swirling around his navel before dipping inside.  Seunghyun clutched at the sheets as Jiyong popped open his fly.  This was as far as they’d been, as far as their experience together had taken them.  Seunghyun didn’t know what was supposed to happen after this.

Jiyong’s eyes found his again, another question – _How about this?  Is this okay?_ – so Seunghyun lifted his hips off the mattress in answer.  Jiyong tugged his pants free and dropped them over the edge of the bed along with the rest of their clothes.  His mouth found the inner curve of Seunghyun’s calf before working its way back up, the side of his knee, the sensitive skin of his inner thigh, thumbing at the indentions of his hips.  Seunghyun held his breath as Jiyong neared the straining bulge in his underwear, heart tapping a frantic scat against his ribcage as his mouth hovered over it, but then groaned when Jiyong bypassed it in favor of his navel, kissing and stroking his way back up Seunghyun’s chest till he rediscovered his mouth.

Jiyong’s hand stroked lazy patterns over Seunghyun’s chest as they kissed, as their lips molded, tongues tangling.  His palm touched over Seunghyun’s heart, the same way it did that day Seunghyun gave him permission to touch him, territory he was determined to claim.

“Your heart’s beating so fast,” Jiyong whispered.

Seunghyun responded with a soft chuckle, lips just a hairsbreadth away, “I’m nervous.”

“Why?  It’s just me.”

“That’s why.”  Seunghyun let his hand wander over the dip in Jiyong’s waist, let his gaze follow to appreciate the sight of his hand on Jiyong’s skin.  “You are so sexy.”  Jiyong let out a little snort, and Seunghyun’s eyes rose back up to look at him.  “What?  You don’t believe me?”

Jiyong shrugged, looking away.  “I just know your type.”

Seunghyun saw the way Jiyong’s arm folded in front of his chest, a gesture so natural that he wouldn’t have recognized it for what it was if he wasn’t such an expert at concealing his own body.  His heart ached at the role he’d played in making Jiyong feel insecure.

“I have a new type,” Seunghyun rumbled, pulling Jiyong’s body flush with his, tilting his hips forward so Jiyong could feel just how much his body pleased him, just how little reason he had to be insecure.  “I don’t want anyone else.”

Jiyong opened back up at his touch, a lily blossoming under the sun.  He held Seunghyun’s gaze for a long, vulnerable moment before darting in and seizing his lips, pushing Seunghyun’s mouth open with his, and thrusting his tongue deep inside.  Jiyong threw his whole body into the kiss, grinding hips and scrabbling hands, a wave of insistence that crashed over Seunghyun before pulling him under. 

Seunghyun got drunk off of it, the way Jiyong moved, the drift of hands and the blunt bite of nails, oh so drunk, just a passenger along for the ride.  Jiyong writhed against him, insistent in his arms, demanding in a way Seunghyun would’ve expected had he given it more thought.  Jiyong was bossy in everything else he did; why should this be any different?

Seunghyun was so caught up in the frenzy of their mouths that he didn’t realize what Jiyong was doing at first when he went for his underwear, but then he felt the hook of Jiyong’s thumbs in his waistband, and liquid heat shot straight down to his cock.  He helped Jiyong push them off with none of the self-consciousness he’d experienced earlier, too turned on now to care about his own nakedness.  Jiyong moved on to his own underwear next, and Seunghyun thought that was an even better idea, his hands squeezing impatiently at Jiyong’s hips as he squirmed out of them.

Jiyong was back on him as soon as they were bare, mouth just as frantic, hips just as eager, facing each other on their sides.  Seunghyun could feel their erections pressing together in a mirror of their mouths, his heart pumping at the feel.  Tentative hands turned bold as they slid lower on Jiyong’s back, cupping his bottom and dragging him harder against him.  Jiyong moaned his approval, mouth tilting into a sharp slant to kiss Seunghyun even deeper.

Jiyong finally broke away, licking up the entire length of his hand, getting it filthy and slick, before reaching into the narrow space between them to gather their cocks, stroking them together in the wet heat of his hand.  Seunghyun aimed his chin down so he could see, transfixed by the sight of their cocks sliding together, pretty and flushed and leaking precome.  He was quite a bit bigger than Jiyong.  He liked that, he decided, as he watched their cocks rub together.  Liked the way Jiyong’s smaller head looked pressed against his larger one.

Jiyong twisted his wrist just so, and Seunghyun’s eyes fell shut, a low moan rising in the back of his throat, and when he opened them again, Jiyong was watching him, cataloguing his every response.

“Do you like that?” Jiyong asked, and Seunghyun nodded, forehead pressed against his, panting as Jiyong’s hand glided along their shafts.  “I think you’ll like this even more.”

Jiyong pulled his hand away, and Seunghyun nearly protested – he didn’t like that _at all_ – but then Jiyong was sliding his way down, flattening Seunghyun’s hips against the mattress as he went.

Seunghyun watched with wide eyes as Jiyong licked a hot stripe up his cock, all the way from root to tip, swirling his tongue around the head before pressing the point of it into the slit.  Seunghyun’s hips jumped.  Jiyong chuckled and pinned them back down.

“You know,” Jiyong began, casually jacking him with his hand, “I’ve imagined this a lot, too.  I always thought I’d take my time with it, if I ever got the chance, that I’d spend hours just teasing you.  Savoring it.”

Seunghyun’s chest rose and fell, eyes fixed on the sight of Jiyong’s hand on his cock, growing more and more turned on with each word Jiyong said.  Jiyong paused in his monologue to suck one of Seunghyun’s balls into his mouth, rolling it gently on his tongue, and Seunghyun hissed, pressing his head back into the mattress.

“But then you had to go and insult my skills,” Jiyong continued, pushing one of Seunghyun’s legs out so he could dip his finger between his cheeks and drag it up the seam of him.  Seunghyun jerked, a strange jolt of pleasure shooting through him.  Jiyong smirked from his position between Seunghyun’s legs, stroking at the skin behind his balls.

Seunghyun stared at him, eyes wide, too speechless to say anything.

“Anyway,” Jiyong began again, as if he hadn’t just run his finger over Seunghyun’s asshole, “you doubted me, so I guess the teasing will have to wait till next time.”

Seunghyun blinked at him, barely able to string two thoughts together.  All he got was “teasing” and “next time,” before Jiyong finally took him in his mouth, making those words float away along with the others.

He wanted to watch – he _tried_ to watch – but Jiyong’s mouth was so hot, and his tongue felt so _good_ , lips wrapped around him so tight.  Jiyong’s mouth moved along the entire length of him, cheeks hollowing out with each filthy suck, humming as he worked, the vibrations of it reverberating all the way down to Seunghyun’s toes, making them curl.  Jiyong stroked his hips and pet his thighs – his trembling, shuddering thighs – swallowed him so far down the head knocked against the back of Jiyong’s throat, nose pressing into the coarse hair at the base.

It was all over embarrassingly fast, Jiyong humming in satisfaction as he swallowed down the last of the evidence.

Jiyong crawled up and propped himself up on Seunghyun’s chest when it was over, smirking as Seunghyun struggled to get his breathing back under control.  “I told you I was good.”

Seunghyun couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed at his smugness, too blissed out from his orgasm.  He just gave Jiyong a dopey grin.  “I’ll last longer next time, I swear.”

Jiyong chuckled against him, nuzzling fondly at his jaw.  “But we’re not even done with _this_ time.”  His hand reached out for the bottle of lube on the nightstand, and Seunghyun was right back at attention, eyes following Jiyong’s every move to see what happened next.

Jiyong lay back down on the mattress beside him, squirting a generous amount of lube into his hand before abandoning the bottle altogether.  Seunghyun watched as Jiyong reached slick fingers down between his legs.  He couldn’t see exactly what Jiyong was doing from this angle, but he could imagine it from the way his hand moved, the wet sounds it made, the openmouthed pleasure on his face.  Jiyong pressed his feet flat against the mattress to leverage his hips up, a soft moan spilling out at whatever difference that made.

“Does it really feel that good?” Seunghyun asked, curious.

Jiyong smiled, half-delirious.  “ _So_ good.”

Seunghyun looked down to see that he was half-hard again already, taken with the idea of Jiyong making those same blissful faces while on his cock.  “Can I…?” he asked, reaching forward without knowing what he was reaching for.

Jiyong nodded, fingers sliding out to give Seunghyun room to replace them.  “ _Yes_ ,” he sighed.  “Please, touch me.”

Seunghyun went still, nervousness catching up to his lust.  He suddenly felt so far in over his head, without the first clue as to how to go about touching Jiyong.  He’d fingered girls before.  Was this anything like that?

Jiyong seemed to guess the problem.  “It’s okay,” he reassured.  “I’ll walk you through it.”

Seunghyun sucked in his bottom lip, still a little unsure, but then slowly reached down between Jiyong’s legs and found where he was hot and messy and slick.  He ran his finger back and forth over his opening, felt it spasm at each gentle touch.

Jiyong rocked down on his hand.  “Put it in me.”

The order sent a jolt of lust through him so strong it left him feeling weak.  His fingers tingled as he moved to do as Jiyong said, sliding one slowly up inside.  It was hot and tight, delicious muscles fluttering around him as he slid further in, past the second knuckle, snug around him as he started to thrust gently in and out.

Jiyong made a soft noise in the back of his throat.  “Another,” he said.

Seunghyun obeyed, pulling one finger out and sliding two back in.  Jiyong keened as they slid up inside him, hips rising up off the bed.  “You okay?” Seunghyun whispered.

Jiyong nodded, eyes squeezed shut.  “Your fingers are bigger than mine, that’s all.”

Seunghyun moved slower then, allowing Jiyong to acclimate, peering down at his face the whole time for any sign that he needed to adjust.

Soon, Jiyong was rocking against his hand, pushing him to go faster, cheeks flushed.  He tugged Seunghyun down to his mouth, breathless.  “Kiss me.”

Seunghyun did, mouth opening over Jiyong’s to swallow his moans.  It was the hottest thing he’d ever experienced, Jiyong writhing on his fingers, moaning into his mouth, hand fisting in Seunghyun’s hair to keep him right where he wanted him. 

“Curl your fingers,” Jiyong gasped between kisses, so Seunghyun did, eyebrows flying up when Jiyong arched up almost violently, hissed, “ _Again_.”

Seunghyun did it again, rubbing against the hardened little spot he’d found on the upper wall of his channel.  Jiyong gasped, hips bucking hard against Seunghyun’s hand.

“Congratulations,” Jiyong said.  “You just found my prostate.”

Seunghyun snickered.  “Is that like the g-spot or something?”

Jiyong gave him an absent nod, still caught up in the feel of Seunghyun’s touch, his pretty little cock bobbing against Seunghyun’s forearm with each rock of his hips.

Without any warning, Jiyong was suddenly pushing him away and moving over him.  Seunghyun blinked at their new position, him flat on his back with Jiyong straddled over him.  Jiyong wasted no time in tearing a condom free from the string, ripping open the wrapper with his teeth so he could roll it down Seunghyun’s shaft.

Seunghyun’s heart hammered in his chest, his cock primed and ready for whatever Jiyong planned to do with it.  He’d known this was where things were heading, was eager for it even, but it was happening so fast now, like the sinking thrill of a rollercoaster before it made its first drop.

Jiyong noticed his face once he was done slicking Seunghyun’s shaft.  “Everything okay?”

Seunghyun looked up at him with wide eyes, cock glistening with lube.  He nodded.

Jiyong’s lips curled into this fond little grin.  “You’re not gonna freak out on me, are you?”

Seunghyun shook his head.

Jiyong raised up over him and took the base of Seunghyun’s shaft in hand.  “I’ll go slow, okay?  Just tell me when you’re ready.”

Jiyong dragged the head of his cock back and forth over his hole, letting it slide between his cheeks, slippery.  “I’m ready,” Seunghyun choked out, couldn’t remember why he hadn’t been before.  His cock was throbbing in Jiyong’s hand, aching to be inside.

Jiyong chuckled and slowly lowered himself down.

 _Fuck_.

It was so tight and hot, the feel of Jiyong engulfing him, taking him into his body bit by bit.  Taking him _inside_.  Seunghyun’s eyes screwed shut as Jiyong sank all the way down.

This was it, Seunghyun thought.  He’d done it.  He was fucking a dude.  Whatever last vestige of weirdness he felt toward it was put to bed.  It felt so good, and Jiyong looked incredible, and the only room he had in his head was for his desire for more.

“ _Jiyong_ ,” he gritted, voice shifting impossibly low, the sound of two rocks grinding together.

“Yeah?” Jiyong answered, coy, sliding up before sinking all the way back down, clenching down on Seunghyun’s cock.

Seunghyun’s mouth fell open, whatever words he’d planned to say, lost.

Jiyong braced his hands on Seunghyun’s chest so he could rock down on Seunghyun’s cock, balancing himself as he built a steady rhythm.  “Feel good?”

Seunghyun nodded, lips parted in bliss, drunk on the rolling of Jiyong’s hips.  His fingers sank into the sheets, but not for long because Jiyong gathered up his hands and brought them to his hips. 

“Didn’t we go over this already?” Jiyong said.  “Your hands go here.”

Seunghyun squeezed there instead, hard enough to feel Jiyong’s bones shift, digging his fingers in as Jiyong fucked down on him.  It was slow, unbearably so, the way Jiyong ground his ass over Seunghyun’s lap. 

“ _Please_ ,” Seunghyun begged, pushing up into his heat.  “I need —”

Those were the magic words, the ones Jiyong had been waiting for.  His lips curled as he picked up the pace, rocking down on him more insistently, bouncing on his cock.  Seunghyun watched, entranced, as Jiyong rode him, as he rose almost the whole way off before sinking down again, Seunghyun’s cock glistening before disappearing back up inside him.

It was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen, the flush of Jiyong’s cheeks as he moved, the way it extended all the way down his chest and over his rolling hips, his hair damp and clinging to his forehead.  Jiyong fucked the same way he danced, all dark eyes and lithe grace, lower lip caught between his teeth.  Seunghyun was unbelievably close again just from watching him.  Jiyong felt how close he was and raised back up, suspending over Seunghyun’s hips with only the head still inside.

“I thought you were gonna last longer this time,” Jiyong teased.

Seunghyun pushed his hips up, seeking out Jiyong’s heat again, but Jiyong chuckled and kept himself out of reach.  Seunghyun groaned at the loss.  “What happened to all that bragging about how fast you get could me off?”

Giggling, Jiyong swiveled his hips in a teasing curve.  “I already did that.”

Seunghyun’s mouth fell open in helpless bliss as Jiyong sank back down on him.  “What about you?” he asked, breathless.  “How do I get you off?”

Jiyong bit down on his lip, eyes darting over Seunghyun’s face.  “Do you want to?”

Seunghyun hadn’t given it much thought before he’d said it, but now it was all he could think of, Jiyong coming undone on his cock, begging for his touch, making those same needy sounds from earlier.  “Yeah,” he said, mouth dry.

“Then come here,” Jiyong said, tugging him up until he was sitting, letting out a pretty sigh at the change in angle, his face falling into the dip of Seunghyun’s shoulder to press a wet kiss there.  “God, you feel so good.”

The words flooded Seunghyun’s chest with heat, all thoughts of his own pleasure gone, focused only on Jiyong now.  “Show me what to do,” he whispered.

Jiyong’s eyes went dark, pupils blown wide.  He brought one of Seunghyun’s hands up, holding his gaze as he ran his tongue all over Seunghyun’s palm.  Seunghyun’s cock twitched at how obscene it was. 

Jiyong then curled Seunghyun’s wet hand around his cock.  “Touch me,” he said.  “Like you’d touch yourself.”

Seunghyun stared down at Jiyong’s cock in his hand, squeezing experimentally around it, feeling the silky texture of it.  The shape was familiar in his hand, not as thick as his, but similar enough for him to start stroking with confidence.  It took a couple pulls for him to adjust to the slight difference in angle, but then his fist was gliding over him, a twist of his wrist each time he reached the head.

“This okay?” he breathed.  Jiyong nodded, finding his lips again, shoving his tongue inside as he started rocking in time with Seunghyun’s strokes. 

Jiyong pressed his face into the crook of Seunghyun’s shoulder and whimpered, hips growing frantic, so frantic that Seunghyun gave up on trying to stroke him, just formed a loose fist for Jiyong to thrust into.  Jiyong bounced and squirmed on his cock, whining when he couldn’t reach what he was grasping for.

“Talk to me,” Jiyong gasped, fingers tangling painfully in Seunghyun’s sweat-slick hair.

“About what?”

“Anything.  I don’t care.”  His thighs trembled and quaked, muscles close to giving out.  “I wanna hear your voice.”

Seunghyun’s brain stalled, no idea what to say.  He was quiet for too long.

“ _Oppa_ ,” Jiyong whined, chastising, demanding, and lust rocked through Seunghyun harder than anything he’d ever experienced before, a hot rush down his spine that flooded into his cock.  His hands caught Jiyong by the hips to help guide him, thumbing there before sliding underneath his ass, using his new grip to lift Jiyong up and slam him back down on his cock, taking over where Jiyong’s legs had given out.

“I love when you call me that,” Seunghyun rumbled, teeth bared against Jiyong’s throat.  “It gets me so hot.”

Jiyong nodded, mewling, eyes squeezed tightly shut.  His hand dipped into the heat between them to squeeze at his cock.

Seunghyun felt the way Jiyong trembled in his arms, the way Jiyong pulled at his hair and bit down on his shoulder, muffling his cries.  He felt it all and reveled in it.

“I’ve been going crazy thinking about you,” words coming easily now that he was committed to finding them, now that he saw the power they held over Jiyong.  “That night at Seungho’s?  I wanted this.  I could’ve killed him when he walked in.”

Jiyong’s arms tightened around his neck, soft cries against his throat, fingers tugging at his hair so hard it hurt.  The noises he made were intoxicating, the sweetest ambrosia.  “You sound even better than you did that night,” Seunghyun said, bold where he’d never been bold before.  “I don’t want you to sound like that for anyone else.”

Jiyong finally cried out, back forming a bow, time suspending for one beautiful, aching moment as Jiyong arched against him, eyes wide and wrecked, and then his hips stuttered forward, a hot streak splashing over Seunghyun’s belly.  Jiyong slumped against him, panting, fingers loosening in the damp clump of Seunghyun’s hair.

Seunghyun nuzzled against his cheek, running his hands over the wet skin of Jiyong’s back.  He could smell the musk they’d made, heady and rich.  Jiyong let himself be held, curled up in Seunghyun’s lap like the spot had been reserved just for him.

Seunghyun wanted to write songs about this moment, the one they were in and the one that came before, Jiyong coming in his arms and clinging to him after.  Cheesy, lovesick songs that could sell a million copies, but never would, because Jiyong would be the only one to hear them.

Eventually, Jiyong pulled back, eyes hooded with satisfaction.  He dipped a finger into the mess on Seunghyun’s belly before bringing it up to Seunghyun’s lips.  Seunghyun opened his mouth, obedient, sucking the digit in between his lips.  Salty, his overwhelming impression; salty and Jiyong’s so he swallowed it down.

Jiyong smiled at him, pleased.  Seunghyun felt an odd sense of pride at that.

Jiyong shifted against him, sighing when he felt Seunghyun’s erection still pressing deep inside him.  “You’re still hard,” he said.

“I told you I’d last longer this time,” Seunghyun replied with a crooked grin.

Jiyong laughed, light and happy.  Seunghyun couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen so much joy on Jiyong’s face.  _At the beach_ , his mind supplied.  When Seunghyun had taken him there and played with him in the sand.

“I guess I should do something about that,” Jiyong said, arms twining coyly behind Seunghyun’s neck.

Seunghyun pushed up into him, eager.  “That’d be nice.”

Jiyong met his thrust, grinding down on him, slow and sensual.  “How do you want it?”

“What?”

“Do you want me to stay on top?” Jiyong asked, hips swiveling slowly over Seunghyun’s lap.  “Or do you wanna try something else?  You can put me on my knees if you want.”

Seunghyun’s mouth went dry, thoughts flying off the tracks.  He stared off over Jiyong’s shoulder, imagining it.

Jiyong giggled, pulling Seunghyun’s face back toward him to make him focus.  “What’s it gonna be?” he said, delicate fingers on Seunghyun’s cheek.  “You can have me any way you want.”

The problem was Seunghyun _didn’t know_ what he wanted, or maybe it was that he wanted _too much_.  This was his first time having sex with a guy; he didn’t know what he’d like best.  His previous fantasy finally came to mind, of Jiyong splayed beneath him, and he gathered Jiyong against him before rolling them over.

Jiyong’s hands fell to either side of his head, arching like a cat at the new position he found himself in, dark eyes drinking Seunghyun in.  “Well?  What are you waiting for?  Fuck me.”

His need was back in full force, cock throbbing in Jiyong’s tight heat.  He thrust forward, grinding into him, hips stuttering in frustration when the angle wasn’t quite what he needed.

“Here,” Jiyong said, pulling up his legs, helping Seunghyun to hook his arms underneath them.  “Better?”

It _was_ better.  Seunghyun sank in impossibly deep, Jiyong folded in half beneath him, thighs spread wide and pressed flush with his chest.  He couldn’t believe how flexible Jiyong was, felt inordinately turned on at the thought.

“Do it,” Jiyong ordered.  “Fuck me.”

Seunghyun didn’t need to be told again.  He laid into him, slaking his lust, burying his need deep inside Jiyong’s body, and Jiyong welcomed it all in, greedy for it, cries breaking out of him with each snap of Seunghyun’s hips, sharp little _ohs_ and _ungs_ that were music to Seunghyun’s ears.

Jiyong scrabbled at his back as Seunghyun’s balls slapped against his ass.  “Oppa!” he cried, fingers clawing at his skin.  “Oppa!”

Seunghyun’s jaw clenched, determined, grinding deep inside him with a sharp swivel of his hips, watching as Jiyong’s mouth fell open on a soundless gasp before setting a new pace, fast and desperate, fucking the way he needed to fuck, balls drawing up as his cock pistoned between Jiyong’s cheeks.

He felt his release building with each thrust, felt it crest before slamming into him, relentless in its force.  He shoved deep inside, and Jiyong choked, shoved in so far he didn’t know how to pull out again, notched so tight he thought they might be connected for good, wasn’t displeased by the thought.

His arms shook as he tried to hold himself up, to keep from crushing Jiyong under him, but they soon gave out, causing him to collapse, but Jiyong welcomed that too, arms folding over his back to hold him close, hands running lovingly through his hair.

Seunghyun pulled his arms out from under Jiyong’s legs, but that was the only bit of untangling Jiyong would allow, arms still twined around him, cradling Seunghyun with his hips.  Seunghyun let him have this, this closeness, because it was what he wanted, too.

Neither one of them spoke for a long time, as if words could only cheapen the moment.  They stayed pressed together as their sweat cooled and dried, hands drifting over skin, a conversation of slow, intimate touches.  Seunghyun was already composing lyrics in his mind.

When they finally did separate, it was with a slight hiss, muscles aching and protesting from use.  Seunghyun rolled over to throw the condom in the trash, and rolled back to find Jiyong stretching his arms up above his head, back in a sinuous arch.

“I’m gonna be so sore,” he whined.

Seunghyun might’ve felt bad if not for the smug look on Jiyong's face.  “Does that mean I did it right?” he joked.

Jiyong rolled into him, smiling.  “Yeah,” he said, “It was pretty good.  For your first time.”

“ _First time?_ ” Seunghyun repeated, miffed, but then he saw the teasing light in Jiyong’s eye, the impish gleam.  He reached out and tickled his hip, muttering, “I’ll show you _first time_.”

Jiyong giggled, trying to squirm away.  “Oppa!”

Seunghyun snorted.  “What do you want now?  Aren’t you ever happy?”

Jiyong smiled up at him, giggles trailing off into a contended sigh.  “Yeah,” he said.  “I’m happy.”

It went straight to his heart, Jiyong’s smile, the open honesty in his confession, more than Seunghyun had asked for but exactly what he wanted.

Seunghyun smiled back.  “Me too.”

 

 

 


	11. An End to Pretending

 

 

 

Seunghyun felt like he’d had more sex in one night than in the rest of his life combined.  Jiyong was insatiable, reaching for him again and again throughout the night, eager to teach Seunghyun everything he knew over the course of one lesson.

Seunghyun woke in the early hours of morning with Jiyong’s mouth on the jut of his hip.  He groaned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.  “Aren’t you tired, yet?”

Jiyong giggled as he pressed a soft kiss next to Seunghyun’s groin.  “Not really,” he said.  “I’m making up for lost time.”  He gave the skin there a sharp suck.

Seunghyun’s hips jerked under Jiyong’s ministrations.  “Did you just give me another hickey?” he asked, incredulous.

“Noona said to keep them where people wouldn’t see.”

Seunghyun was about to bite off some retort when Jiyong’s mouth found its way to his cock.  The words caught in his throat, mouth open on a soundless gasp.

Whatever.  It wasn’t important, anyway.

 

 

There was something appealing about the idea of waking up in each other’s arms.  Seunghyun hadn’t even realized he’d had that fantasy until he was denied the reality.  Instead of waking up to warmth of Jiyong’s skin, he was roused by Jiyong’s hand on his shoulder, demanding he get up.

“Hyung, wake up.  We have a schedule.”

Seunghyun frowned against his pillow, not ready to be torn from sleep.  He cracked open bleary eyes and saw Jiyong hovering over him wearing nothing but Seunghyun’s Spongebob t-shirt.  He remembered how much he liked seeing Jiyong like this the last time and pulled him back to bed.

Jiyong laughed as he toppled over into Seunghyun’s arms.  “We have to get up.”

Seunghyun ignored him, cuddling him like a teddy bear as he tried to go back to sleep.

“ _Hyung_.”

When Jiyong wouldn’t stop squirming, Seunghyun rolled them over and pinned him underneath him, and Jiyong sighed and let him have five more minutes.

Jiyong won in the end, however.  He tugged Seunghyun out to the kitchen where breakfast was waiting for them, as well as their other members.  Youngbae was wearing this sour look on his face, and Daesung wasn’t looking at them at all.  The one time Seunghyun caught his eye, Daesung blushed and looked back down at his plate.  Seunghyun thought about how loud Jiyong must’ve been last night, how thin the walls were, and slid awkwardly into his seat.

Seungri was the only one who didn’t seem affected.  He was munching happily on his breakfast, not paying them any mind, rattling off the details of their itinerary.

Seunghyun hunched over his plate and began to eat, hoped the uncomfortable air would pass.  It took a moment, though.  When he looked up again, he saw Youngbae staring across the table at Jiyong with his jaw clenched while Jiyong stared back coolly, smile sharp, just daring him to say something.  Surly, Youngbae finally backed down and focused his attention back on his food.

They ate mostly in silence, with only Seungri trying to fill the space with words, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t communication within the quiet, with glances and smiles instead of speech.  Jiyong touched him like he was entitled to, as if the elephant in the room didn’t exist, moving with ease throughout the tension.  He scooped out an extra serving of rice once Seunghyun had picked his bowl clean, squeezing Seunghyun’s thigh when he smiled in thanks.  Jiyong watched Seunghyun’s mouth as he chewed and grinned when Seunghyun caught him looking.

Youngbae’s surliness slowly subsided, but Jiyong’s smile never did.  He just kept smiling at Seunghyun and touching him till Seunghyun finally realized that it was more than just a display of affection; it was a message to the others: _get used to it_.  He sort of admired Jiyong for it, the way he could normalize a situation by sheer force of will.

Youngbae looked over at Seungri, interrupting his babbling.  “You’re taking this really well considering how freaked out you were before.”

“Taking what well?”

Youngbae hooked his thumb toward where Jiyong and Seunghyun were sitting.  “Them.”

“What about them?”

“ _Them_ ,” he emphasized.  “Didn’t you hear them last night?”

“And this morning,” Daesung piped up before shutting himself up with a big spoonful of soup.

Seunghyun blushed hard, two angry bursts of color rising high on his cheeks.  The back of his neck prickled with embarrassed heat. 

Seungri waved Youngbae off.  “Oh, that?  Pfft.  Like I’m gonna fall for the same prank twice.”

Jiyong laughed, burying the sound in Seunghyun’s shoulder just like he always did.  Youngbae stared at Seungri like he was profoundly stupid.  “You idiot, it’s not a prank this time.  They _did it_.”

Daesung’s spoon clattered against the table, and Jiyong’s fingers dug into Seunghyun’s arm, nose still pressed to his shoulder, snickering.  Oh god, Seunghyun wanted to crawl under the table and hide.

“It?”  Seungri repeated, and then his mouth fell open, eyes growing wide as their rice bowls.  “You mean that was _real?_   All the ‘oohs’ and the ‘ahs’ and the ‘harder, Oppa, harder’?”

Scratch that.  Under the table wasn’t a good enough hiding spot.  Seunghyun was going to shut himself away in his room and never come out again.  Or maybe he’d find a different room, one with soundproof walls and no potentially listening neighbors.

“ _Yes_ ,” Youngbae gritted out, exasperated at how long it had taken Seungri to catch up. 

“Oh,” Seungri said, and Seunghyun braced himself for the impending meltdown.  It didn’t come, though.  Seungri wordlessly returned to his food.

“ _Oh_?” Youngbae said.  “That’s it?”

Seungri peered around the table, trying to read the mood to figure out what he was supposed to say.  “Congratulations?” he offered.

Youngbae huffed as Jiyong burst into gleeful cackles.  “You don’t have a problem with this?  You were all freaked out about it before.”

“I don’t have a problem with – with _that_ ,” Seungri defended.  “I was just surprised before, that’s all.  Top-hyung can be gay.  Just means less competition for me,” he grinned, digging his chopsticks into his rice and taking a smarmy bite.

Youngbae swatted him on the back of the head, but all that did was make Seungri giggle and grin all the harder.  Youngbae sighed, the last of his surliness draining away once he realized how useless it was.  “Whatever,” he said.  “Just don’t get caught.  And maybe try to be quieter.”

Jiyong’s eyes gleamed.  “I can’t make any promises on that last one.”

Oh, god.  Seunghyun’s new room was gonna be in a different country.

Thankfully, the tension eventually subsided along with his embarrassment.  Youngbae stopped grumbling, and Daesung stopped looking quite so scandalized. 

“So,” Seungri started to ask, “did you guys just hook up or are you a couple now?”

“Mind your own business,” Jiyong said, as Seunghyun answered, “I’m his boyfriend.”

Jiyong’s head whipped toward him, and Seunghyun fidgeted in the face of Jiyong’s surprise.  Had he said something wrong?  He knew they hadn’t exactly labeled what they were doing, but after last night, he’d sort of assumed…

“Yeah,” Jiyong said, surprise giving way to the sweetest of smiles.  “He’s my boyfriend.”

 

 

Being Jiyong’s boyfriend wasn’t much different than _not_ being Jiyong’s boyfriend, which wasn’t surprising considering Seunghyun’s realization that he’d been acting like a boyfriend all along.  Jiyong still smiled at him like he was a puppy, and he still whined until he got his way.  And Seunghyun still inevitably gave in.

The only real difference was found in the physical.  They’d always been affectionate with each other, but now every touch carried meaning.  Seunghyun would feel Jiyong’s hand brush against his before retreating as quickly as it had come, and then he’d turn to catch a loaded look, gone just as fast.

And the sex —

Seunghyun felt like a horny teenager all over again, except _worse_ , because he didn’t remember being this bad when he _was_ a teenager.  He’d always prided himself on being a gentleman before, on being patient and adhering to his girlfriends’ pace, but now it was all he could think about, the way Jiyong sounded, the way he _felt_.  The way Jiyong’s fingers dug into his back when they were pressed together.

He caught his mind wandering at the most inconvenient of times, unable to focus on anything else.  He’d be pouring himself a cup of coffee when the memory of Jiyong scraping his teeth along his throat would hit him hard enough to send heat flooding through his lower belly.  And then Jiyong would be there with a hand at his back, reinforcing all of those remembered sensations, a soft brush of his thumb all it took to entice Seunghyun into following him behind a locked door.

It made Seunghyun feel a bit like a dog, craving his owner’s touch.  Rolling over and presenting his belly for the promise of a treat.  But then Jiyong would giggle and whisper lewd things into his ear, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Just today, Seunghyun had been staring off into space while they waited for their turn on _Inkigayo_ , thinking about how good Jiyong felt wedged between him and the bed, the way his teeth sank into his lip as Seunghyun slid up inside him.  He’d been staring off when a soft tap to the shoulder had pulled him out of his daydream.

Seunghyun turned to see the girl from before standing in front of him in her heels, the one whom had made Jiyong so jealous.  As he looked at her, he remembered his brief interest, but it felt like it was from a lifetime ago, like it belonged to someone else.

“Hi,” she said, thrusting a small package out toward him, demure eyes fixed on its little bow.  “Everyone knows it’s your favorite.”

Not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to be rude, Seunghyun took the proffered gift.  He took a closer look and saw it was a box of yanggaeng with a bow around it.  “Thanks.”

She gave him a little smile before dashing off, all her courage used up.  Seunghyun thumbed the fluffy purple bow as Jiyong stepped in beside him.

“You’re so popular.  What did she get you?  Is it good enough to steal you away?”

Seunghyun saw Jiyong’s smile, saw the teasing in it, and saw everything else hiding underneath.  “I already told you,” he said, soft.  “I have a new type.”

The sharpness in Jiyong’s smile smoothed into something gentler, something fragile and insecure; it lasted for barely a second before changing again, taken over by mischief as he started to walk away.  “That’s too bad.  I have this pair of heels in my closet I was thinking about wearing for you, but if you’re not into that…”

Seunghyun’s mind clattered and crashed at the image of Jiyong spread out on his bed in nothing but a set of heels.  He scrambled to catch up.  “Hey, wait!  Are you serious?  Jiyong?”

Jiyong’s giggle echoed in the hall.

 

 

Coming out to their friends wound up being less embarrassing than coming out to the other members, thankfully.  It had been a little while since Seunghyun had seen everyone so he was greeted with claps on the back and a loud roar of hellos once he and Jiyong arrived at the club.

“Hey, stranger,” Soohyuk said.  “I almost forgot what your face looks like.”

Jiyong curled into Seunghyun’s side on the sofa, running his fingers lightly over Seunghyun’s cheekbone.  “Impossible.  How could you forget this face?”

Soohyuk looked back and forth between them.  “So I talked to Joowon.  He mentioned something about you guys trying to work things out?”

“Yeah,” Jiyong said, still curled into him, watching Seunghyun’s face with the most beautiful eyes.  “We worked things out.” 

Seungho smirked around the cigarette in his mouth.  “You guys _fucked_.”

Jiyong giggled into Seunghyun’s shoulder as all the blood rose high up in Seunghyun’s cheeks.  Okay, so maybe coming out to their friends was still a little embarrassing.

Seungho leaned forward to give Jiyong a fist bump.  “ _Nice_.  How was he?”

“Good,” Jiyong said, still cuddled up against Seunghyun’s shoulder.  “He’s a fast learner.”

Were they seriously talking about how Seunghyun was in the sack?  “I’m sitting right here.”

Jiyong laughed, reassuring him with a gentle squeeze to his thigh.  He linked their fingers together and held them up for Sungmin to see, saying snottily, “It’s real this time.  In case you couldn’t tell.” 

“What do you mean, in case I couldn’t tell?  You guys are always like that; don’t act like I’m the slow one here.”

“So tell us how it happened,” Soohyuk interrupted.  “I want all the details.  Who confessed first?”

“Hyung did,” Jiyong answered, a truth he seemed endlessly pleased about.

“I _knew_ it.”  Soohyuk held out his upturned hand toward Seungho.  “Cough it up.”

Seungho sighed and pulled out his wallet.  He slapped down a few won into Soohyuk’s open palm.

Seunghyun narrowed in on the exchange.  “You guys bet on us?”

“So?  What of it?”

Seunghyun shook his head before getting up out of his seat.  Whatever.  He needed to take a leak.  “Be right back,” he told Jiyong, and then to the rest of the group, “Don’t talk about me while I’m gone.”

It was a useless request.  Seunghyun could already hear Jiyong gushing about their first night together before he was more than five steps away.

The universe had some kind of sick sense of humor because the first thing Seunghyun saw when he entered the restroom was Joowon standing at one of the urinals.  Seunghyun froze at the sight of him, his aversion still strong even though Jiyong had clearly dismissed the guy, but it was hardly the first time he’d seen Joowon at this club so Seunghyun guessed he should’ve been prepared for them running into each other.

Joowon gave him a self-conscious look as he zipped up his pants.  “We have to stop meeting like this.”

They had to stop meeting period, Seunghyun thought.  He stood there as Joowon rinsed his hands, refusing to piss while Joowon was still in the room.

Joowon dried his hands.  “Congratulations.  Jiyong-hyung said you two were getting back together.”

“Yeah.”

Joowon let out a little laugh to break up the awkward air.  “That’s good.  You two seem good together.”

“We are,” Seunghyun agreed.  Why was this punk even talking to him?  Seunghyun wished Joowon would just leave so he could get on with his night.

But Joowon didn’t get the hint.  “It’s actually one of the reasons I liked him so much, I think.  The way he was with you.  I think I just wanted what you guys had.”

Seunghyun gave him a baleful stare.  “Maybe next time you should try to find it with someone who doesn’t already have a boyfriend.”

Joowon’s gaze fell to his feet conceding Seunghyun’s point.  “I know.  That wasn’t cool of me.  It’s just Soohyuk-hyung kept telling me I should go for it.  He said you guys were on the verge of breaking up anyway, so it wouldn’t matter.  But I can see now he got it wrong.”

Seunghyun felt a prickle of annoyance at the mention of Soohyuk’s part in trying to hook Joowon up with Jiyong.  That bastard, he thought, even though Soohyuk had done little more than follow Jiyong’s wishes.

Joowon was still looking meekly at his feet.  “Anyway, I’m really sorry about everything.  I hope things work out with you two this time.”

Joowon gave Seunghyun an awkward half-smile before shuffling toward the door, and Seunghyun thought that maybe that was his cue to say something nice to smooth things over, but he wasn’t a big enough person to do that just yet.  He let Joowon slip out of his life without a word.

Joowon’s absence reminded him why he’d come to the bathroom in the first place, and he stepped over to one of the urinals to relieve himself.  He stared at the wall in front of him as he pissed, his feelings of annoyance still niggling at the back of his mind.  Stupid Soohyuk.

Except the more he thought about it, the more annoyed he became, and it wasn’t until he’d finished toweling off his hands that he’d figured out _why_.  Soohyuk had bet on him.  He’d bet that Seunghyun would confess his feelings first.  Which meant he’d known Seunghyun had feelings to confess.  Soohyuk had known how Seunghyun felt, but he’d pushed Joowon at Jiyong anyway.

What the hell?  What kind of friend did that?  Seunghyun had nearly lost Jiyong to Soohyuk’s stupid fucking meddling.

The irritation cooking inside him transformed into a low, simmering anger, just hot enough to push him out of the restroom and back over to their table.  Jiyong smiled as soon as he spotted him, but his smile wilted once he saw the anger ticking at Seunghyun’s jaw.

“What’s wrong?” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun didn’t answer.  His eyes zoomed right in on Soohyuk.  “We need to talk.”

The rest of the table fell silent.  Soohyuk stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Hyung,” Jiyong said.  “What’s going on?”

Seunghyun kept his eyes on Soohyuk.  “Nothing.  We just need to talk.”

Warily, Soohyuk pulled himself up out of his seat.  He let Seunghyun lead the way to a more remote area of the club where he then waited for Seunghyun to unload.

“I just bumped into Joowon,” Seunghyun bit out.

“Okay?”

“He said you’re the one who kept pushing him to go after Jiyong.”

“Yeah, so?”

“ _So?_   So you _knew_ I liked him.  You _knew_ , but you pushed some other guy at him anyway.  We’re supposed to be _friends_.  I almost _lost_ him.”

Soohyuk snorted.  “You didn’t almost _lose_ him.  One word from you, and Jiyong would’ve dropped him.  Jiyong _did_ drop him.”

Seunghyun remembered the phone call Jiyong had made the moment he knew Seunghyun’s confession was genuine, remembered the way Jiyong had cast the competition away like it was nothing.  _Everyone knew_ , Jiyong had said of his feelings, and ‘everyone’ obviously included Soohyuk.  Seunghyun reluctantly allowed Soohyuk his point.  “But what if I hadn’t said anything?  I almost didn’t.  I thought Jiyong _liked_ him.  I thought I should just give up.”

Soohyuk waved away his concerns with a negligent hand.  “I had a plan for that, too.  It would’ve been fine.”

“A _plan_?  Like your plan to get them together?  The one where I play the chump boyfriend while Jiyong goes after someone else?  That kind of plan?  I feel so relieved.”

“You idiot.  You still think that was about _Joowon_?  It was for _you_ , you dumbass.  It was always for you.  We were all getting sick of you two dancing around each other so I decided to finally _do_ something about it.”

“What?”

“I thought if you had to act like Jiyong’s boyfriend, you’d – I don’t know, _wake up_.  That you’d finally realize what the rest of us already knew.  And I wasn’t pushing Joowon at him so he could steal Jiyong away.  I was doing it so you’d get _jealous_.  Jealousy’s a powerful motivator.”

What?  Soohyuk had played him?  Seunghyun took in this new information and watched as it rewrote history, watched as it turned him into little more than a puppet on Soohyuk’s strings.  “You tricked me.”

Soohyuk rolled his eyes.  “Don’t be such a baby.  I did it for your own good.”

Seunghyun’s pride railed against the idea of being under someone else’s control.  “My own good?  Why didn’t you just _talk_ to me?  Like ‘hey, Hyung, I think you have a thing for Jiyong.  Maybe you should do something about it.’  Why did you have to come up with some big scheme?”

“Because you’re _stubborn_.  You don’t do anything you don’t wanna do.  If I would’ve come to you and told you that you liked Jiyong, you would’ve stayed away from him just to spite me.”

Seunghyun opened his mouth to tell him how stupid that was, but then stopped once he realized he couldn’t be sure Soohyuk didn’t have a point.

“ _See_?  All I did was nudge things along.”

“ _No_ ,” Seunghyun gritted back.  “What you did was nearly hook Jiyong up with _someone else_.  I saw them making out at Seungho’s that night you were all hanging out there.  They nearly _fucked_ in his bedroom.”

“And who do you think made sure that didn’t happen?  I kicked them out of there.  I missed the whole party ‘cause I was busy guarding the bed.”

Seunghyun blinked at him.  He vaguely remembered Jiyong saying something about Soohyuk wanting to take a nap that night.

Soohyuk’s lips twitched.  “Yeah,” he laughed.  “I saw them head in there so I ran them off.  I spent the rest of the night drinking a bottle of vodka all by myself.  See?  I had your back.”

Seunghyun let out a snicker at the image of Soohyuk spread-eagled on the bed so no one could join him, drunk off his ass.  His ire drained away, hard to hang on to now that he’d poked holes in it by laughing.  “I swear, if you ever do anything like this again, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Alright,” Soohyuk said, placating hands in front of his chest.  “No more schemes, I promise.”

“Was anyone else in on it, or was it just you?” 

“Just me.  Seungho knew about it, but he mostly just thought it was funny.”

Fucking assholes.  Seunghyun needed new friends.  He couldn’t believe Soohyuk had just reduced them down to pawns.  Him and Jiyong.  And Joowon.  “You’re such a dick.  You used that poor kid just to get your way.”

“Oh.  I hadn’t thought about it that way.”

What a turn things had taken that Seunghyun was now defending _Joowon_.

As they headed back to their table, Soohyuk said to him out of the corner of his mouth, “You really should thank me, though, don’t you think?  Since I got you two together?  I’ll settle for you naming your firstborn after me.”

Seunghyun stared over at him.  “Don’t push it.”

When they got back, Jiyong was watching them both with concern.  “What was that all about?” he asked after Seunghyun had plopped back down next to him.

“Nothing.  Just our friends playing matchmaker.”

Jiyong seemed to accept that for the moment, and it wasn’t long before he was the one getting up out of his seat, tugging Seunghyun along after him.  “Dance with me,” he said.

Just like the last time they’d danced, it took a minute for Seunghyun to fall into the groove, an awkward first gear he had to get through before shifting into second, but once he got into the swing of things, Jiyong smiled at the way Seunghyun’s hands slid right down to his hips.

 

 

The rest of the night was full of sultry looks and brushes of hands, and far more teasing about his sexual prowess than Seunghyun was strictly comfortable with.  Jiyong came to his rescue at every turn, saying nothing but nice things, but somehow his reassurances made Seunghyun feel _more_ self-conscious rather than less.

Seungho’s eyes had gleamed when he’d asked, “How did he take to sucking cock?”

And Jiyong had answered coyly back, “I’d rather come on his cock, thanks.  You’d understand if you saw it.”

Seunghyun had gotten an approving round of catcalls for that, but all Jiyong’s reply told him was that their sex life was rather one-sided.  Jiyong seemed to love sucking Seunghyun’s cock, but Seunghyun had yet to return the favor.  He’d helped prep him and jerked him off a couple of times, but other than that, they’d mostly just been fucking.  To be fair, Seunghyun had just been following Jiyong’s lead, but even so, he was feeling bad because there was clearly an imbalance there.

So when they got home that night, Seunghyun pulled Jiyong’s clothes off and then caught hold of Jiyong’s hands when he tried to do the same to Seunghyun.  “This is about you,” Seunghyun said.

He pushed down on Jiyong’s shoulders until he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and then he sank down onto his knees in front of him.  Seunghyun paused once he was kneeling, unsure of where he should begin.

Jiyong saw what he meant to do.  “You don’t have to do this,” he said.  “No pressure.”

It made Seunghyun even more determined to see it through.  “I want to.  And if Soohyuk figured out how to do this, it can’t be all that hard.”

Jiyong giggled, but then Seunghyun took him in his mouth and the giggling abruptly stopped.  Seunghyun felt the sensation of Jiyong hardening in his mouth, and wasn’t that a surreal thought?  There was a _dick_ in his _mouth_.  Seunghyun suckled it, and Jiyong pet his hair in approval.

“That’s good,” he breathed, fingers scratching over Seunghyun’s scalp.  “Use your tongue.  If you – never mind, just don’t use your teeth and we’ll be fine.”

Seunghyun pulled off long enough to shoot Jiyong an unimpressed look.  “I’ve had my dick sucked, in case you’ve forgotten.  I think I can figure out what _not_ to do.”  Seunghyun pushed Jiyong to lie back against the mattress.  “Stay there.  I need some room to work.”

Laughing, Jiyong did as he was told, staying put while Seunghyun’s mouth found its way back to his cock.  The first few licks were little more than an exploration, experimental strokes of his tongue to learn the texture and taste, silky and soft and sweeter than he’d anticipated.  Different than the come he’d sucked from the tip of Jiyong’s finger.

But soon he was swallowing Jiyong down, taking him as deep as he could into his mouth with the memory of when Jiyong had done this for him as his guide.  It all gave him this newfound appreciation for how good Jiyong was at this because Seunghyun felt anything but.  He’d barely started, but his jaw already ached, and he felt like he was gonna drool everywhere, but then Jiyong whimpered from up above him, hand tangling in Seunghyun’s hair, and that was all the incentive Seunghyun needed to keep going.

“ _Hyung_.”  Jiyong’s hand fisted in his hair, stroked in apology when he tugged a bit too hard.  “Hyung, please.”

It spurred Seunghyun on in a way that little else could.  He wrapped his lips tight around Jiyong’s cock and continued to suck.  He wanted to make Jiyong come apart, wanted to earn all those nice words Jiyong had said about him to their friends.

Jiyong pulled one leg up onto the mattress, and Seunghyun used the shift in position as an excuse to rest his jaw, replacing his mouth with his hand as he worked loose the kinks.  Jiyong let out a soft sigh, eyes screwed shut with his head tossed back against the bed.

Seunghyun didn’t know what prompted him to do what he did next; he’d been completely baffled by the prospect when Jiyong had first explained it to him all those weeks ago, but Jiyong’s leg braced up on the bed like that opened him up, and Seunghyun thumbed his cheeks the rest of the way apart so he could slide his tongue right in between them.

Jiyong’s hips jerked against the bed.  “ _Hyung_.”

There was a desperation in his tone that hadn’t been there before, and Seunghyun relished it, diving further in with his tongue to see what new reactions he could get.  Jiyong’s hips rolled restlessly against Seunghyun’s mouth, arm slung over his face to hide his eyes from the light.  “ _Hyung_.”

Seunghyun drug his tongue right over Jiyong’s hole.  “What did you call me?”

“Fuck.  _Oppa_.  Are you seriously doing this right now?”

Heat slithered its way down to the base of Seunghyun’s cock.  Yeah, he was doing this.  If someone had asked him a month ago, the answer would’ve been _hell no_ , but now he was eager for it, eager for the way it reduced Jiyong to little more than a writhing mass of hormones.

Seunghyun urged Jiyong’s other leg up onto the bed where Jiyong caught hold of it, spreading his legs wide and holding them open at the knees, and what a pretty picture that made, Jiyong’s naked legs splayed open, little feet dangling in the air.  Seunghyun soaked in the sight before leaning back in.

He kissed at Jiyong’s hole with the same passion he’d use for his mouth, lapping at him greedily as Jiyong’s thighs started to tremor and shake on either side of Seunghyun’s head.  He thrust the point of his tongue inside him and held it there as Jiyong bucked and fluttered around him, and Jiyong whimpered and cried against the back of his own hand, biting down on it to muffle his cries even though he’d shot down Youngbae’s request for him to be quieter.

Seunghyun’s hand wrapped around Jiyong’s shaft so he could stroke him in time with his tongue, and when Jiyong finally gasped and spilled over his hand, Seunghyun felt inordinately pleased with himself.  It hadn’t taken nearly as long as he’d thought it would.

Jiyong’s legs collapsed back over the edge of the bed, feet landing uselessly against the floor.  His chest rose and fell with the quick staccato of his breaths, flushed and damp with sweat.  Seunghyun crawled up next to him, and the first thing Jiyong did was tug him in for a kiss, tongue pushing into Seunghyun’s mouth in search of his own taste.

Jiyong pulled back, panting.  “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I wanted to make you feel good, too.”

Jiyong smiled at him, pulling him into another kiss.  Seunghyun indulged himself in the pleasures of Jiyong’s mouth before finally pulling away to fold Jiyong up in his arms.

Jiyong sighed against him, content.  His fingers plucked at the sleeve of Seunghyun’s shirt.  “Are you ever gonna tell me what that was about with Soohyuk?”

“Oh, right.”  Seunghyun’s earlier indignation rose up again.  “That bastard.  Guess what he did?”

“Tricked you into acting like my boyfriend so you’d realize your feelings?”

Seunghyun propped himself up on his elbow so he could stare down into Jiyong’s face.  “You _knew_?”

“No.  Not until you mentioned matchmaking back at the club.  But it seems really obvious now that I think about it.”

 _Obvious_.  Fuck Soohyuk.  Seunghyun couldn’t believe he’d just walked into his trap.

“And I guess it did work.  Maybe we should be thanking him.”

Seunghyun snorted.  “I’m not thanking him.”

Jiyong propped himself up next.  “Why not?  Don’t you think I’m something to be thankful for?”

Snickering, Seunghyun clapped his hand over Jiyong’s face, and Jiyong shook him off, sputtering.  Seunghyun stuck his tongue out at him earning him a smack to the chest, but then Jiyong rolled back into his chest and all was forgiven.  He curled up in Seunghyun’s arms, at ease with his own nakedness.

“Tell me again how you realized you liked me?”

It was a story Jiyong never got tired of hearing, no matter how many times he made Seunghyun tell it.  Seunghyun indulged him by relaying all the details again, from how he’d hated Joowon right from the beginning, so much so that he’d redirected the bottle just so Jiyong wouldn’t kiss him.  So Seunghyun could kiss him, instead.

“And that was the best kiss you’d ever had,” Jiyong gloated, and Seunghyun flicked his ear and kept talking.

He talked about how much it had freaked him out, and then how _little_ it had freaked him out.  Because, really, it all made a perfect kind of sense once he’d opened himself up to it.

Jiyong nearly cackled.  “You actually were trying to steal Seungri’s porn.”

“Whatever.  It was for a good cause.”

Seunghyun teased Jiyong about the night he’d given him a piggyback ride home, and he whispered soft words about the day they’d spent at the beach.  He told him all about how he’d moped in the studio writing cheesy, lovelorn songs when he thought that Jiyong didn’t want him.

“That’s always been a fantasy of mine,” Jiyong whispered.  “It’s why that was part of our cover story.  I’ve always secretly hoped one of your songs would be about me.”

Seunghyun got to the part where he’d spent ages fighting with the claw machine, and Jiyong held up his wrist so the light could catch on his prize. 

“I still can’t believe you got it.”

Seunghyun remembered that night so vividly, remembered racing to Jiyong in hopes of swaying his heart, remembered the words he’d planned to say.  He said them now.  “You said if I loved you, I’d get it for you.”

Jiyong’s mouth fell open.  It shouldn’t be a surprise; Seunghyun had already alluded to the strength of his feelings.  But there was something different about actually _saying_ it, as if it wasn’t real until it was spoken aloud.

His confession filled the space between them, heavy with untold weight.  It felt much too big and much too soon, but then Seunghyun saw the expression it earned him – such a beautiful, heart-wrenching expression – and he couldn’t bring himself to think it a mistake.

“I love you, too,” Jiyong whispered, and that definitely wasn’t a mistake; Seunghyun couldn’t remember the last time anything had made him feel so good.  “I love you so much.”

Seunghyun met Jiyong halfway when he leaned in to kiss him, reaching over to tap the beginning of a song on the wall.  Jiyong smiled into the kiss.  He tapped his answer against Seunghyun’s heart.

 

 

 


End file.
